**By definition Empathy** is the ability to understand, share, and connect with another person's thoughts, feelings, or emotional experiences. It is often described as putting yourself in someone else's shoes.

But is it empathy if I say something unconsciously that would be considered rude but I don’t feel bad about it until someone “calls me out” and tell me what I say is rude, I have a hard time distinguishing what is rude and and what is normal (to me it sounds normal until someone says it’s not). Is it empathy if I only feel back after when someone calls it out? If someone didn’t say something I wouldn’t know it was offensive nor would I feel anything. When someone brings it up later I tend to think about it a lot and replay the situation in Mr head over and over again, I feel bad but not because I know what I did (as I said if no one called me out I wouldn’t be aware I did anything wrong) I feel bad because of the way I may be perceived or because I think that what they say did is beneath me. I feel bad because they seem to be highly offended and I tend to accepted blame regardless of if I care or not. I’m in a situation like this now. I was just wondering if feeling “guilty” after the situation is the same as being empathetic because from where I’m standing my empathy seems to be delayed. Why don’t I know how my words will land before I say them? Why can’t I tell the difference between when I say something rude and normal?

I have autism social cues are hard for me
And I am very bad about phrasing things well too

I’m in high school

I’m getting called racist by others at school and basically getting canceled and the thing I intended to say was the opposite but it was phrased badly and kids took it as me being racist

my plan is to apologize to the kids I offended because although I didn’t mean it in that way at all I still said it and I think they deserve an apology even though I had no idea I offended them!

Some of my friends (I’ll call them friends A they are also neurodivergent like me) just went up to me and said “hey we heard a kid say in critical ethnic studies you said (racist thing here) is that true?”

I said “I did say that I didn’t know it was offensive I had no bad intentions this happened a year ago and it’s only started coming up now I didn’t know I did it
I’m trying to figure out who I offended and how to apologize to them”

And friends A just said stuff like “oh okay! Yeah we understand! This same group of kids already are dicks to you but this was still a serious accusation we wanted to understand what happened thank you for telling us”

And others (I’ll call them friends B most of them neurotypical)
friends B just started avoiding me not asking for my side at all and just assuming I meant it badly and I’m racist

I just want to know do adults / co workers act more like friends A or friends B? Because if it’s B I’m really scared to be an adult and I’ll have to work extra hard in therapy to learn how to phrase things

And another way I’ll phrase the question

is Freind B’s reaction like a common reaction for a high schooler or just a common one in Adults to?

I'm most curious to hear from other adult females, but all perspectives would be great really.

By breakdown, I'm meaning just kinda losing it, crying, hyperventilating, etc. So badly that the next day you feel wiped out.

I have a "mini-meltdown" of crying and catastrophizing at least once a month, which I usually attribute to hormones or whatever but it still ruins an evening for me.

I'll have a real breakdown at least a couple times a year, where it's bad enough that my whole body feels weak and ill the next day or two.

Trying to get an idea of how "normal" this is for others.

Thank you!

Hey everyone, just sitting here thinking about this and wanted to get some outside perspectives.

I feel like every time I'm out or trying to have a moment of peace, someone locks onto me for small talk when it is glaringly obvious I am not trying to chat. My usual strategy is that I’ll suffer through it politely for a couple of minutes to be nice, but then my absolute mastery of the "fake phone call" comes in to save the day.

Like... do people genuinely not understand body language, or are they just so deep in their own world that they don't care? People have got to start reading the room!

Has anyone else experienced this lately, and what’s your go-to move when you're trapped in a conversation you didn't ask for?

truly… why?

Hello everyone! I'm not autistic, but I have NVLD, which can come with similar issues sometimes.

What are some signs a dude is a creep? How can you tell if a dude is actually creepy or just awkward?

Looking for female responses only because I don't trust certain men to respond to this in good faith, lol. Sorry dudes. I know you're not all bad but some of y'all ruin it for all of you.

I was called out as nonchalant by like 3 people. Am I just not that self aware?

A co-worker turned friend stated that Im nonchalant because I dont care about work place drama, or take just 1 side. I just think that at the end of the day we still work at the same place, I would interact with the same people. Making their, drama mine would just make things awkward and Im just here to make money.

Am im I seriously just nonchalant?

How did you learn the “rules” of how to interact with people in social situations?

I’m definitely not “neurotypical” but I haven’t been diagnosed with anything developmental at this point.

I am someone who likes to be attentive during class lectures, and I would usually make eye contact with the professor to show that I am engaged and paying attention. They would be just explaining something but when they make eye contact with me it causes them to either stumble over their words, have to pause and say uh/um or other filler words so they can gather their thoughts, or they quickly finish their sentence and move on to the next topic abruptly. It is really strange because it’s like they forget what they were saying just because they saw me.
This doesn’t just happen with a few, it has happened with majority of my professors so far, I’d say 80% of them. Mostly excluding the ones in very large lecture halls or where I’m sitting near the back.
Why might this be happening?
And this is my first post so sorry for any mistakes.

Would you get annoyed if you see 2 people you are close to, gesture at each other while you are talking?

Mind you its not hidden or whispering, gesturing in public.

Hi, so for context I am in a theatre major. And have been recently diagnosed with ADHD.
Throughout my whole life I have always been very outgoing and very much the “class clown” type of person. Which I do understand can be annoying at times and it is something I am working on (bc nobody likes to be the person that talks too much).

Through my whole college experience I have dealt with a few “mean girls” that no matter what I do seem to always be intent on chastising me.
For instance almost every time I express an opinion in class that disagrees with their or is “too much” I am constantly being told to “shut up”.
Even for the smallest of things like laughing with my friends during breaks, I am given dirty looks and told to be quiet.
I made a dark humor joke about how we were gonna end up jobless bc the acting business is an extremely hard industry, and even thought it was clearly a joke and made everyone laugh one of those girls told me to shut up and that I shouldn’t say let those things out into the universe just because I was greedy to watch them fail…

Weird takes like this are always randomly made by these girls to me and i genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. I try to act like I don’t listen, or that it doesn’t bother me but I genuinely don’t know anymore.
Am I actually being obnoxious? I know I can be a bit too loud sometimes but I genuinely don’t mean to insult anyone and I’m trying to be more self aware of when I’m being too much.
Any advice?
How to deal with this?
Or how I should look at this situation?

Sometimes I feel like getting off topic isn't a big deal cause everybody does it, and sometimes l'll add flavor to the convo by making it more interesting or talking about what I want to talk about or I'll just change the topic cause I think it's boring. Another thing sometimes whenever I do add on to the convo I'll be singled out for it it's like I can't win sometimes.
Does anybody else here does this or am I the only one

I have a bit of a problem. I find myself pointing out little contradictions about people's interests and behaviors, and it's like I can be normal 99% of the time but obviously you build up enough conversations and that 1% will be alarming. Maybe I do it as an attempt to get closer to them or something, but idk it's weird.

For example, I had a two month talking stage recently that ended because I kept teasing her and pointing out little contradictions about her that I thought was cute (but I never explicitly said how I thought of it and for some reason I thought she would understand that it was harmless) over text and over time she got so annoyed she ended things with me after I went over the top and ragebaited her one night because she said she felt tested and judged by me.

But then another example, I was at this federer event recently, met a guy there and we both happened to be soccer fans as well, but I'm a barca fan and he's a madrid fan. He happens to also be a ronaldo fan but also a federer fan, so I was like okay but isn't it crazy how you are a ronaldo fan even though the thing you like about federer is his magic on the court, so wouldn't you be more of a messi fan? i said this very casually and while smiling but he was like oh maybe idk. so i stopped.

Why do I do this? Is this a sign of autistic behavior and/or low EQ? For reference, I am 27 but I have kind of isolated myself socially for the past 6 years or so and only really talked to my friends so now that I'm socializing and opening up to others a bit more I realize that I have problems.

I’m usually friendly towards others and get really energetic during activities and I’d like to think others don’t see me as problematic normally but this was the first time in a long time I opened up to someone new and the first time I’ve ever tried dating someone and I really liked her, but it ended disastrously and has kind of traumatized me. It ended up triggering a very very nasty quarter life crisis because I was already insecure about other things in my life that made me heavily ruminate for two months and it’s been four months and I’m affected by it from time to time as you can tell.

Is the concept of subjective taste so difficult to grasp?

Hello!! I am 21F and I have been toying with the idea of tone indicators for about a year now.

I have never been formally diagnosed with anything that would indicate being ND, but I have suspected OCD for a long time. I don’t have the resources to get tested, and will not claim it unless I have formal diagnosis, but I do *suspect* I am not NT. I feel as though that is important background information to include. :)

I have realized over the last few years that I have an immensely difficult time understanding what people are trying to convey through text, which often leads to self doubt, worry, anxiety, and stress.

I have a wonderful boyfriend which is a recent development, but he is not very savvy on the phone. He doesn’t text much, and he is very straight forward. He is not the type to not text me or dry text me out of spite, I am 100% sure of that. He just simply isn’t someone on his phone often.

It has taken a lot for me to understand and accept this, because I know I am an adult and not everything will be catered to me simply because I expect it. I don’t feel comfortable asking him to change the frequency in which he texts me because I very much appreciate that he is not on his phone and present in his life.

Here is where the tone indicators come in. I realized that even though I have become more comfortable with the fact he doesn’t text me as often as I text him (which isn’t much but is notably more), I still find myself taking things the wrong way over text. Not in a horribly misconstrued way, but it is something I have a hard time getting my head out of.

I am very embarrassed and almost ashamed to ask my boyfriend and also friends to use tone tags for some reason. I’m not sure why it is, and I think he would be very receptive, but for whatever reason I feel too prideful perhaps to ask? I just don’t want to feel silly OR feel like I am somehow faking this? I just can’t explain it.

I was hoping to get some support from people who might have been in my position before, or anyone who may have some helpful tips. Really anything about how to go about this or how to feel less ashamed would be really appreciated. I don’t have anyone to talk to about this in my life.

Thank you all very much in advance, I hope this post is clear and not word vomit! Cheers :)