I thought I was in decent shape. I'm fairly active, I'm outdoors a lot, and only sit at a desk about 20 hours a week. I have recently lost 35 pounds by eating sensibly for once in my life, and I have about 15 more to lose.
Three days ago, I vowed to help my fat Labrador lose the 7-8 pounds he really needs to lose (he's no spring chicken, and come to think of it, we will soon be the same age in human years vs. dog years) by walking him three miles a day. To take it easy on him, I'm splitting this into 2 - 1.5 mile walks.
Now it's the end of day three, my whole lower body is sore, and the poor dog is nearly comatose. He is snoring next to me as I write this.
So - as I stare down the barrel of the remaining second half of my fifth decade - I'm very concerned about my body going downhill, which I've seen happen hard and fast to some guys - anybody got any advice on how to tackle this? For extra hilarity, I hate going to the gym and I'm essentially a lazy person. Thanks in advance, gents.

starting to hit that point where keeping things rigid throughout is getting hit or miss. doctor said vascular health is fine and suggested looking into lifestyle stuff or therapy but a buddy mentioned using a vacuum device before sex to get blood flow back up. im looking into water-based pumps like bathmate since the warm water aspect seems less aggressive on skin than dry air pumps but i honestly dont know what results can you expect from a penis pump in terms of actual erection quality? im not chasing size gains or anything crazy just want to know if routine use helps train blood vessels or if its strictly a temporary temporary expansion for an hour or two. if youve used hydro pumps for mild ED, how long did it take to notice a difference?

I’m 33, going through a rough patch in life. A bit depressed. Hoping for some inspiration and hope.

Hi.
I’m in my 30’s and I want to make the most of my 30’s.
I did not have a lot of fun in my 20’s. I’ve also lost almost all my friends when I turned 30.

I want to make my 30’s amazing.
For those who are 40 and over what do you recommend and not recommend to people in their 30’s?

I shifted into advisory and coaching work and intentionally downsized. I was still earning, but I also reduced what I needed to earn.

For anyone who has deliberately cut back, what turned out to be easier to give up than you expected?

And what did you decide was worth keeping?

I'm 37, approaching 40, and I've noticed that as I've gotten older, I've developed a much greater appreciation for the arts, particularly classical and chamber music.

One thing I've been thinking about is how disconnected classical music can feel from everyday life. There's so much incredible talent out there, but I wonder how many people never experience it because traditional concerts don't appeal to them.

I've been exploring the idea of making classical music more approachable through smaller, casual events. Think live chamber music at a restaurant, bar, or café, where you could enjoy a drink, listen to talented musicians, and maybe even meet them afterward.

Some ideas I've been considering are shorter performances, musicians sharing the stories behind the pieces, and informal gatherings before or after concerts where people could ask questions and get to know the performers.

I'm curious what you guys think.

If classical music isn't normally your thing, would an experience like this make you more likely to attend? What would make it appealing enough for you to actually leave the house and give it a shot?

And if you already enjoy classical music, what originally got you interested? Would you enjoy a more relaxed setting, or do you prefer the traditional concert experience?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have never attended a classical concert. What would make you curious enough to try one?

why not?

or maybe you already had, how was it?

i just want to read other men experiences and opinions.

please don be offended by the question, I’m not questioning anyone sexual orientation.

In my earlier career thread, someone made a useful distinction: they still enjoyed the work, but the managers they worked under had spoiled it.

For anyone who nearly left their profession but tried a different employer first, what happened?

Did you find yourself enjoying the work again, or did the same dissatisfaction follow you?

Looking back, what would have helped you figure that out sooner?

My wife and I are right in the middle of renovating our new house, but trying to balance manual labor around the house with full-time academic careers and teenagers is getting exhausting. By the time Sunday evening rolls around, I feel like I need another weekend just to recover. How do you guys pace yourselves so you don't drive yourself crazy trying to fix up a house while raising kids?

Just turned 40, overall healthy guy but completely new to skincare. I tried a few options and I’m between a retinal product (which everyone says it’s anti aging and reduces lines), and a regular moisturizer. Any advice here?

This will be a long one so thank you in advance for taking the time to read it.

As the title states, I am turning 40 in December and to be completely honest, I am terrified. I feel incredibly lost, left behind, and like I'm completely failing at being an adult. I don't even know how I got here, but I need to get this off my chest because the weight of it is crushing me.

To lay it all out:

• Work & Money: I work a dead-end warehouse job for a company I hate. The pay is low, and I have absolutely zero saved for retirement. I've never been able to really decide what I want to do in life so I never went to college and only recently got my GED.
• The Debt: Personally, I only have about $5,000 in total debt, but for some reason, I just can't seem to chip away at it. On top of that, my wife has a little over $60,000 in debt from student loans, personal loans and Credit Card debt. Together it feels like an inescapable mountain.
• Our Living Situation: We currently rent a crappy duplex. I want so badly to be able to buy a house, but we are nowhere near the financial stability required to buy one plus my credit is crap so I won't even get looked at and my wife's is not much better.
• The Future & Kids: We don't have kids. We both want them, but I am terrified to bring a child into this world given our current situation. I feel like a complete failure as a provider.

Everywhere I look, I see other people my age who seem to have it all figured out. They dress very nice and respectable, they take vacations and go on cruises, they own beautiful homes, and the actually have money set aside for their future. Meanwhile I feel completely stuck, just spinning my wheels and going nowhere fast.

Growing up my family environment was really tough. A lot of my family members we alcoholics and partiers who spent most of their time hanging out at bars and completely wasting their money. Because of that, the house never felt very stable. On top of that, it was always my dad and my older brother doing all the "manly" things together–working on cars, building things, grilling, smoking meat. I never learned how to do any of that stuff.

To escape the chaos of all the drinking and partying, I gravitated towards video games at a young age. Fantasy worlds became my safe haven–a place where I could actually control things and find some peace away from that reality.

Fast forward to present day, I'm still stuck in that exact same loop. I still use gaming to escape and I can't seem to kick the habit. To make matters worse, I've fallen into the same trap as my family and became somewhat of an alcoholic myself. What kills me is that I actually didn't even start drinking until I was 24 years old. I thought I had avoided it, but it eventually caught up to me anyway.

Between the drinking, the stress, and the depression, I have put on a crazy amount of weight over the past 5 years or so. I've always been around 180 lbs and I am currently at my heaviest–250 lbs– and I feel incredibly uncomfortable in my own skin.

I am severely depressed, though I try to put on a happy face every day because I don't want to bring anyone else down. I want to quit gaming all day, I want to stop drinking, and I want a better life for us, but I feel like my life is spinning completely out of control. I don't know why I can't just get a hold on things.

The hardest part of all of this is my wife. She tells me she still loves me very much. She says she's proud of me for everything I do and for trying (but I know she is struggling too). But inside I feel like I am letting her down every single day. She deserves so much more and I want to give it to her.

I feel like I'm standing at the edge of 40 looking back at a blank slate and looking forward into total darkness. Has anyone else been here at this age? How do you even begin to untangle a mess this big when you have no energy left to give?

Anyways, if you made it through all of this, thank you for taking the time! I just needed to vent a bit. I hope you all have a wonderful day and thanks in advance for any advice.

Disproportionately exhausted. Constantly. Wake up tired, even after getting enough sleep.

I just walked for a few hours and I feel completely wiped out.

I understand that I'm not in my 20s any more but still....

For context, Im maybe 5 pounds overweight and have no major health issues. Also I smoked weed for a very long time (I know, stupid) and it has been a slow recovery process.

Thanks in advance.

Hi all. I'm one of the producers on Don't Let the Old Man In, a podcast for men in their 40s, 50s and 60s working out what the second half looks like. Mods, pull this if it's out of line!

Over the past year we've done episodes on what people who live to 100 do differently, starting over when your career or identity falls away, and young men and eating disorders (and what dads can watch for), among many other topics.

We launched a year ago this month. The bit I'm proudest of is that about a quarter of our viewers now come back regularly, up from around 6% at the start. To be straight, a lot of the early growth came from ads. Ads get clicks, but they don't get people to care or be as loyal.

So I'd rather ask you:

1. Where do you go for this kind of conversation, if anywhere?
2. What do midlife shows keep getting wrong?
3. What would earn an hour of your time?
4. What kind of hosts do you connect with?

Does this sound like a high functioning depression man? I can't get my husband to grief therapy.

I'm 16 years together, 14 years married to my husband (whom not Chinese) and the Chinese me trying to understand him, or at least his mindset.

For the last 7 years, I think he is high-functioning depression, is there such thing as functionally depressed? The whole timeline of everything that happen I have reasons to believe he is functionally depressed.

His older sister died from car accident, leave him as the only son take on the financial care for his sick aging parents.

Fast forward, in 2019, his father died of end stage pancreatic cancer.

----- The same year in 2019, our toddler died (the child of me and my husband). Our toddler died of Periventricular Heterotopia (PVNH). It is gene inherited (got it from me the mother the maternal side), congenital brain malformation.

It been 7 years since our toddler gone and my husband just can't let go. Our toddler ashes my husband keeps with him. Even our toddler DIRTY SHOES and dirty clothes my husband still held on to.

----- In 2020, I was very sick (autoimmune disease) I was bedridden for a month with oxygen tank in my nose 24/7. He took off work and care for me day and night. He even sleep with a pillow and a blanket on the carpet right by my bedside (we had a hospital bed in our bedroom after I got discharged).

He said he loves me very much, and he very afraid of lose me. This was the first time I see him cut himself.

This was when he started to cut his stomach with a kitchen knife, he said stomach skin is thinner and has more nerves so it hurts more, so he chose to slice his stomach, he cuts deep the point bleeding that he has bandage wrap around his waist bleed.
And that was how I first time found out about he cut himself too was I saw the bloody bandage wrap around his waist when he took his shirt off.

He still has all the scars on his stomach from he slice his stomach with the kitchen knife. He said if I die before him, he will die with me, and our toddler (whom already dead).

He even prepaid for his funeral arrangement, I said I want cremation (as I'm Buddhist), he wants cremation with me, he told the funeral director when he die, cremate him, and mix his ashes with me and our toddler together, and scatter our ashes.

He said if I die before him, ONE second of grief is enough for him to pull the trigger blow his brain out with the tactical 12 gauge shotgun. I take him seriously because if he can slice his stomach to blood, he can use a shotgun in one second of grief like he said.

--- In 2021, his mom has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze, she also kidney disease/kidney failure. She also has alot of heart problems: heart aortic stenosis, heart aortic aneurysm, and cardiac arrhythmias. 

His mom 5 days out of a week is she in and out of the hospital for treatments to keep her alive. And my husband for the last 5 years (and still ongoing) has been financially care for his mom, doing everything he can financially to prolong her life.

------------

All this are reasons I believe he has depression, but he seems to function fine outside, as in lives a normal life.

He is an Executive at a big engineering corporate. He said this job salary gives him cushion in money to continue prolong his mother life. He knows this job salary is what prolong his mother life, even with him depress, his career has to go on. His mother depends on his money to continue treatments, he also pays for her Private Nursing Home too.

Monday through Friday after work he drive straight to the Nursing Home to visit his mom before came home. On weekends for one day (Sat or Sun) he bring his mom our marital home so he can care for her, so they have mother and son time. And then take her back to her Nursing Home as he has to work Monday.

He still does his hobbies, hunting deer, outdoor shooting range with his tactical shotguns and riffles, running long distance.

I have told him to go to grief counseling, he put it off, he said after his mom die, as right now he busy. I mean he is busy, his schedules is pack, between his Executive work, his mom, and me. He has no time left.

He keeps said after his mom pass he will go. But wait till after his mom pass, that will add in another death and grief and loss in his list of losses. I want him to go now, but he not want to.

Rate yourself on a scale of 1-5 (1 being do not ever meet that requirement, 5 being I meet that requirement daily) for each statement please.

1. Do you consume daily foods that are high in fiber such as whole grains, legumes, vegetables, and fruits?
2. Do you avoid high amounts of saturated fat and trans fat from sources such as processed foods, butter, whole milk, and red meat?
3. Do you keep sugary drinks such as sweetened coffees, teas, and sodas to less than one serving a day? Or less than 15g of added sugar from fluids a day?
4. Do you consume a variety (various colors and family groups) of fruits and vegetables and eat whole fruits and vegetables whenever possible (with the peel on, not juiced)?
5. Do you consume at least one serving daily of fat-free or low-fat dairy including milk, yogurt, cheese, or some type of fortified milk alternative? This alternative should be fortified with Calcium and Vitamin D.
6. Are at least half of your daily grains whole grain?
7. Do you consume at least three servings daily of high-protein foods such as seafood, lean meats, chicken, eggs, legumes (beans and peas), nuts, seeds, and soy products?
8. Do you consume daily, healthy fats including healthy oils such as avocado and olive oil?
9. Do you drink an appropriate amount of water daily and know how to prevent dehydration?
10. Do you exercise at least 3 or more days a week for 30 or more minutes each session?
11. Does your exercise include cardiovascular and strength training exercises?

Follow up questions:

1. Do you have concerns that you may develop type 2 diabetes or heart disease? Why or why not?
2. Are you aware of how nutrition directly impacts overall health and how it can lead to chronic disease? Do you feel you make nutrition and fitness choices that help prevent this? What are some of these choices?
3. Have you always had the diet and fitness routine you have now? Have your habits improved or worsened over time? What were some of the factors that contributed to that?
4. Did your childhood help prepare or hurt you when it comes to your current diet and fitness choices?

I’m 45 and facing a bit of a reset. Looking for work, living with my parents, single, no kids. This isn’t where I thought I’d be at this age, and some days that gets to me more than I’d like to admit.

I’ve worked for years and know I have something to offer, but starting again feels different now. I want to build a life I’m happy with, and I sometimes struggle with the feeling that I should have figured it out already.

And can I do anything to reverse the negative course? I’m already experiencing a not so strong you know what. I’m also not thinking about sex as much as I did even a few years ago.

When a chapter ends, I think we lose more than the obvious thing.

We also lose the small routines. Someone expecting us. A reason to leave the house at a certain time. The ordinary shape of a week.

For those who went through a divorce, career change, retirement or another major transition, what helped you rebuild that structure?

Not the big reinvention. What small commitment or routine made your days begin to feel like yours again?

... and I'm finding it to be very mid. I like Bubbles and Omar and Brother Mouzone and Kima but the rest of the characters are very forgettable. Yet, I see this show on the top 10 of all time list in a few places.

What are your thoughts on the show?

ETA: I will say the costume design is ON POINT. The styling of Bubbles is fantastic.

I'm 39 and turning 40 next year. Curious to hear about others experiences.

I feel rather stupid asking this , yesterday decided to treat myself to a head and neck massage as I’ve been tired . Anyway the place was different to my usual beauty places , felt a bit grotty . The massage was fine , left and saw a man checking in . And I’m wondering do most men pop in for some fast , cheap
💦 relief ? What % of men are using these places , under our nose as it were . I’m in a large metropolitan city .

16 years long, I married my husband knowing his mother come as a package, I will always come second to his father and mother. I come to term with it. But I still struggle with it, it just it easier to say than done. And I been struggling with it 5 years about the whole fiasco of his mother. But I'm still hanging in there, it just I don't know how many more of the 5 more years.

Together 16 years, married 14 years.

I married my husband knowing since day one that he always put his father and mother above me. The wife me I will always come second after his parents, period, it not up for negotiation, that just how he is. And that is just something I just have to accept about him.

I married him knowing since day one he gave half his working paychecks to his father (the father whom was a Stay at Home Dad raised him since newborn, his mom was the breadwinner in his childhood). His father has deceased.

5 years ago, his mother has a spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze. He has been paying 182K a year for her Private Nursing Home, where she has her own private room, doctor on site, and nurses care take turn to care for her round the clock 24/7. Yep, it that price tag for Private Nursing Home in California.

For 5 years, he also has been paying for her treatments to prolong her life, which she in and out of the hospital for treatments 5 times a week (Dialysis, and multiple heart issues). He also paying for her hospital bills, which she has been in and out of the hospital 4 times already this 2026 year alone.

It not just her Private Nursing Home cost (which the luxury of his mom own private room, and doctor on site and nurses care for her 24/7, he pays Out of pocket).

.......

But it her medical cost too, medical cost that insurance not pay, like those deductibles, copays, coinsurance, out of pocket specialists and treatments, etc.. Everytime she in the hospital, we pay out of pocket about 30%, insurance pay 70%

And No, we are not going to send her back to her homeland, here in America she has no one left except her biological son, and she 84 years old already, here in California we have one of the best hospital that specialize in her conditions.  

]And money is not the problem, my husband is an Executive at a big engineering corporate that his salary (included bonus) salary of near 1 million a year. He has enough money to pay for his mother care.

It just the last 5 years (since his mom spinal cord stroke that leave her quadriplegia paralyze), he has been burning the candle at both ends for himself. He is an Executive, Executives are high ranking in corporate hierarchy, frankly, he very busy. But everyday after his work he drive to his mom Private Nursing home to to visit her (she wants that as she wants to see her son). Then he drive home to me after see his mom first.

On weekend he gives one day to me.

One day he gives to his mom where he has her over in our marital home so he can care for her 24/7, she wants mother and son time, he comply.
.......
He by her side spoon feed her, change her diapers, lift her, move her from bed to wheelchair to gurney stretcher, as she 5'9" tall and she quadriplegia, moving an quadriplegia is like move dead weight. Transport her to Dialysis, which Dialysis which is 4 hours process which he sit next to her to accompany her, etc...

He has said, our lives (both me and his life will be put on hold) will be put on hold until his mother die (insert how many more years she has left). And it not even an option, this is just something I have to accept about him, his mother come as a package.

And And we not leaving California until after his mom pass, as I told him I don't like the city California, I want a countryside, someone seclude.

I don't have a choice because I love him, I just have to accept that about him, point blank. I married him knowing his father and mother will always come first before me. I accepted that, and I have come to terms with that.

It just it easier say than done, until you actually in that person shoes. Knowing you always will come second in your husband heart, after his father and his mother. Knowing he said we will stay put in California for his mom hospital and treatments as his goal is to prolong his mother life. As long as it can take, as many years as she has left. Our lives will be put on hold until AFTER his mother die.

No man is perfect, I have accepted his mother come as package, and if this is the price I have to pay for love this man then let it be. I just want to write this out, as this is something I have zero control over, it is him as a person that just how he is.

He does treats me really really well in the 16 years, 16 years he faithful to me and only me. He loves me just as much as I love him, in fact, he loves me even more than I love him. It just his mother she comes as a package, and I will always be second after his father and mother.

I understand all that, it just deep down inside I don't like it how he said our lives will be put on hold until after his mother die, and he not just say it, he doing it, he has been doing it for 5 years already. And he said this will continue on indefinitely until his mom die (insert how many years she has left).

I should have known, you married an Executive too, that makes a 1 million dollars salary too, he fixed in his ways (about his mom), he will not change. I really have no choice but just has to accepted that his mom come as a package. You don't be a wife of an Executive and think an Executive not fixed in his ways.