I am an international male student in my first year of grad school in the US, and I am confused about American social norms around speaking up on social issues versus keeping things like personal social media light and fun. For context, it's possible I'm on the high functioning autism spectrum as well.
Recently, several female classmates posted on their Instagram stories about the fraternity sexual assault incident at Cornell. Many of their posts stated that men who stay silent are complicit, that they were disappointed so few men on their Instagram feeds were speaking out, and that men need to use their voices and privilege to support women by showing solidarity both online in terms of generally and publicly sharing and posting stories on Instagram, and supporting women offline in more private ways. I completely agree, and in wanting to be a good ally, I reposted several of these stories over a couple of days to show support.
The reactions I received were contradictory and confusing. One popular domestic male classmate told me that posting about political or social issues on Instagram shows poor social skills, because people find it annoying and prefer seeing fun, casual content like vacations or parties. He posted nothing, yet remains popular with the exact same female classmates who were posting that silence is violence. He is well-liked on campus for hosting parties and social events.
Another male classmate, who privately leans conservative privately (as a Never Trump Republican) but publicly acts moderate on campus, told me that posting five stories was weird and performative, whereas one would have been plenty. He is also well liked by these women. Meanwhile, another popular male classmate posted about ten stories on the incident and received praise and private messages from female classmates thanking him for being an ally.
When I posted, I had over two hundred views, but zero likes or messages. Later, during lunch with female classmates who were venting about men not speaking up, one woman mentioned she saw my posts. The others said that while they noticed, speaking up is the bare minimum and does not deserve praise. Later on, that same female friend told me privately that while she genuinely me speaking up, my posts were "a lot" and that I had posted a day too late compared to when the topic was trending as a popular discussion point.
An American friend from my prior job explained that unwritten American social rules often contradict stated values. He said people who are already seen as charismatic, fun, funny, attractive, or cool can post about these issues and receive praise, while less charismatic or attractive people are judged as awkward or annoying for doing the same thing.
I want to understand how liberals view this tension. On one hand, progressive discourse emphasizes that men must speak out, that silence enables harm, and that social issues affect every part of life. On the other hand, there is a strong American etiquette rule that politics and religion should remain private, that there is a time and place for serious topics, and that bringing them up on casual social media annoys people who just want lighthearted interactions, a sentiment shared even by some women, even those who say they're liberal or feminist.
I am seeking advice on how to navigate the contradiction between the moral expectation to speak up and the social expectation not to be annoying or bring politics into spaces meant for casual socializing.