For context, I'm 23F, and I have two siblings, an older sister and a younger brother.

Growing up, I always felt like my parents were kind of partial towards me and my siblings. I remember fighting about it when I was around 6 or 7 because of things like being handed down clothes, or the fact that both my siblings had bicycles while I never had one. I don't remember every single incident, but I vividly remember how I felt as a child back then.

I used to have huge fights with my parents about this, but they always denied treating us differently. Sometimes, I would even get beaten up for being too stubborn or ziddi. I was essentially labelled a difficult, troublesome child throughout my childhood.

After 10th grade, I moved to a hostel in another city and after taking a drop year, I managed to get into a good medical college, one of the top colleges in my state. Honestly, even I was surprised because I never thought I'd make it. The cutoffs were lower that year, and I got in. For a while, everyone celebrated me. Suddenly, I was someone they were proud of. They told me that they'd buy me a scooty after a few years and that there were things I could look forward to.But those things never happened.

My sister bought herself a tablet in her 2nd year of college using scholarship money (they hadn't let me apply saying that we didn't really need it) . When I was in my 2nd year, I begged my dad for months for a tablet so I could watch video lectures and study properly. My parents, including my mom, kept asking me to wait a few more months and making excuses. They made me feel guilty for even asking, as though I was being unreasonable, demanding and stubborn. I really was not. Eventually, I applied for a scholarship myself and bought a tablet in my 3rd year during a sale. My parents bought my sister a scooty when she started her 3rd year. But when it was my turn, suddenly we didn't have enough money, or I didn't really need one.

Now I'm in my 4th year of MBBS, and my younger brother joined engineering (iem branch) less than a month ago. Today, I found out that my parents bought him a laptop worth ₹1 lakh. Apparently, they've also told him that they'll buy him a bike in his second year. For context, we both live in the same city.

And I don't know why, but finding this out today completely broke me. It's not really about the laptop or the scooty anymore. It's about how, throughout my childhood, I was made to feel like my needs were never important enough. I was always told that I was too stubborn, too demanding, or asking for too much. But when it comes to my siblings, these same things are necessities that deserve to be fulfilled without a fight.

I genuinely don't understand. Why was it always different when it came to me? Sometimes, I do wonder if the only reason my parents are proud of me or claim to love me is because I got into a good medical college. As though my achievements finally made me worth celebrating.

Now they expect me to prepare for the UPSC after graduation, too, even though I've made it clear that I don't want to. I want to become financially independent as soon as possible

My whole childhood, I felt unimportant. I've often wondered whether being a girl, being the middle child, or simply being who I am had something to do with it. Whenever I bring up these issues, my parents tell me that they'll buy me a two-wheeler when I'll need it too. But I don't want one anymore. Not like this.

I don't want to beg for something that my siblings getting out of love, without having to prove that they deserve it.

I don't want a replacement for all those years of feeling left out. I don't want something bought for me now just because I've finally complained 'enough' . I wanted to feel like my needs mattered when I first expressed them. I wanted to feel considered without having to fight for it.

Why is it that whenever it's my turn, there's suddenly no money, no need, or some other reason why I should wait? Is it because I'm a girl? Is there something wrong with me? Where did I go wrong? Am I being selfish for feeling this way? I'm so disappointed and exhausted. I had planned to go home tomorrow, but after finding this out, I've blocked both my parents and I don't want to talk to my siblings either. Right now, I just want to cry.

I just wish that one day I'm loved for whatever kind of person I am, regardless of what I achieve or what potential they see in me. I wish I could be loved without having to earn it everytime.

I hate that something as simple as my brother getting a laptop has brought back so many feelings I've carried since childhood. And I hate that, even at 23, I still find myself wondering why I wasn't enough.

I don't know if I'm overreacting, if I'm being selfish, or if these feelings are justified. I just needed to get this off my chest.

Both my Dad and Mom are incompatible. They shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. Instead they got married and is not ready for divorce. Both of them have some kind of mental issue, which is the extreme in case of ny Dad. He smashes everything at my home these days and physically abuses and cusses at my Mom everyday. If I get involved in the fight, I will also get thuds from my Dad. His rage is extreme these days. My mom is incapable of handling my Dad, I want him to get hospitalized and it will be expensive but my Mom is not listening to me. I dont know what is she waiting for. Does she think that he will get better if he go on like this ? What a funny thing ?. I dont know what to do. The only relief is that I don't stay in the same home as my parents. Has any of your parent's shown these kind of symptoms ? How have you handled it ?

I honestly don't even know how to start writing this, but lately, I've been feeling the same way I used to feel when I was at my lowest.

I've been dealing with body dysmorphia and depression for years, especially during my UG and PG. I was bullied for being quiet, made fun of for my sexuality, called names, and subjected to rumours that made absolutely no sense. I had no real friends, was constantly paranoid, and there were times when I didn't want to live anymore. I was on medication and struggling every single day, but most of the time, I had to deal with everything alone.

Growing up, I was always the brightest kid among our relatives' children, or at least that's what my parents believed. I was constantly compared to everyone, and somewhere along the way, I started feeling like my entire life was a race I could never stop running. When I scored less than a girl in 11th standard, my mother called me a loser and said, "You ate her shit." I scored better in 12th, but somehow, it was never enough. College was even worse. I was suicidal, my mental health was deteriorating, and yet I was told I was strong and could handle it. My right eye is paralysed, and I have double vision. I went to hospitals alone, got my own MRI done, and dealt with my mental health and eye problems without the support I desperately needed. I was just a young person trying to figure out how to survive.

I'm 26 now. I got a job during my master's, I work hard, and I contribute financially to my family whenever they need me. I rarely say no, and I don't complain about what I have to give. I also take care of my grandmother, who has dementia and can barely walk. I clean her up, take care of her needs, and do whatever I can for her. And yet, at home, I'm still made to feel like I'm nothing.

My mother and elder brother call me a dirtbag. My mother still brings up mistakes I made when I was 10 or 11, as if people are never allowed to grow up and change. Yesterday, she told me she wished I had died when I attempted suicide. I genuinely don't know what to do with words like that when they come from your own mother. My father tries to understand me and stand by me sometimes, but even that becomes a problem. My mother and brother tell him he's spoiling me by supporting me. I am expected to live a certain way, too. I'm told not to visit friends or go to their homes because my parents didn't do those things when they were young. Meanwhile, my brother gets to go out with his friends, travel, and live his life. Somehow, the same rules never seem to apply to both of us.

And the worst part is being expected to maintain relationships with the very people who bullied me, abused me, called me names, and made my life miserable. My mother wants me to sit with them, talk to them, and keep my head down, as though what they did to me never mattered.

I don't know why I'm writing all of this. Maybe because I've kept quiet for so long that I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling anymore. I'm not perfect. I've made mistakes. But I'm trying. I'm working, I'm contributing, I'm taking care of people, and I'm trying to take care of myself, too. I'm trying to build a life after years of struggling with my own mind. I don't expect my family to understand everything I go through. I just wish they wouldn't make it harder for me to live with it. Sometimes, you don't need your family to solve your problems. You just need them to stop being the reason you're hurting. I'm tired. I'm genuinely tired of having to be strong all the time, of being expected to tolerate everything just because I'm supposedly capable of handling it.

It is absolute hell. My family is unfortunately extremely ableistic (well my mother is mainly). They really cannot accept that people with autism or any neurological disorders or conditions exist as people. It's exactly like saying how we can't be. For my reason my family is Indonesian, living in Australia, but they act like they still live in Indonesia. This is so painful to live with I just want it to end.

I have never really gotten a long with my mother that much TBBH, I mean it's hard, since I find it hard to get motivated, most of the time. I have been doing blogging whilst being paid.

If you are a parent and you blame your children for their failure in academical areas that do not include will power/laziness, you are technically angry at your genes because they came from you.

For context I'm currently a junior and a few months ago I signed up for an SAT because, well... I'm a junior and why not. So I signed up for a test on december and a month or two later my dad came up to me and said "want to register for another one in june?" Since a new sat date was set, he also mentioned signing up early so I can get a testing location close to home

The issue is I dont know what's in the sat, I dont know how it'll go, it's my first time doing this, what if I do well on the first one? I expressed my opinions and my dad literally said "if you did well on the first one, you can skip the second". And I genuinely cannot comprehend what he said, it's 68 freaking dollars that could be potentially wasted. In the end I said I'll think about it since I had other work to do

Fast forward to today, I completely forgot about registering for my second sat and my dad kinda exploded since all close locations were pretty far away, and he also kept mentioning how he wouldn't force me to register but kept raging over the fact that all nearby testing locations are taken, like I was already expected to register. I explained my reluctance but he sorta just didn't care. I explained that senior year exists, he didn't budge.

At that time I was also under a lot of pressure from studying for a test that I can't bomb and really fatigued from a rehearsal that went on for a few hours, so I broke down pretty quickly, and only that convinced my dad to stop, not because he saw how much he hurt me, but because "i shouldn't cry over a test".

And right after my mom literally saw me crying on the floor and said "after crying go do laundry"

I'm typically a pretty positive guy but its stuff like this that takes a toll on my mental health, i had a lot of self worth issues and self harm thoughts last year I'm recovering from but everything just got worse

I dont know what I should do

20 yo guy here, South Asian household. In my country Canada the legal drinking age is 19. My dad is a social drinker, drinks usually once a week or so either at company dinners or just watching sports. My mom meanwhile is extremely conservative, thinks that those who drink are "always into bad trouble" are "immoral" "want to assault women" etc. Unfortunately my own older brother parrots my mom's bullshit. He's never had a single sip of alcohol in his life because he says "it's our culture" and "only white people do these things" etc. and he brags to everyone how he's never drank.

I'm not the type of person to get drunk. I've never gotten drunk and also I'm not really a party person either (whether that's due to how my parents raised me idk). In uni I've never been to a party I just prefer more chill social hangouts and so do all of my friends. I've only drank like 3-4 times so far.

Once, a few months ago, me and my family were all at a restaurant and I ordered a beer and my mom and brother looked at me like I killed someone. Then they kept making jokes how "I look drunk", how "I'm talking drunk", how "I'm now behaving like a white kid" etc (I literally ordered one fucking beer for goodness sake). My dad never said a single word.

Ever since that I feel ashamed to drink alcohol. Say if I'm watching a sports game now with my dad and if he offers beer I refuse and grab a Coke instead. Then my mom and brother taunt me in the background saying "he's tempting me" "he's encouraging alcohol" etc.

Even in university say if I go to a restaurant with friends I literally can't fucking bring myself to get a beer, even if no one from my family is watching me. Because I feel ashamed and I internalized all that guilt.

Anyways thank you for reading and idk what to do :,)

I’m 27M, living in the UK with my Asian parents, and I’ve reached a point where I genuinely feel like I can’t continue living at home.

For as long as I can remember, there’s been a lot of tension and arguments at home, particularly with my mum. Even at 27, I still feel like I’m treated as a child rather than an adult.

There are constant questions about where I’m going, who I’m with, what time I’ll be home and why I’m coming back late. Even something as simple as missing a phone call can turn into an argument. I’ve tried setting boundaries, but they rarely seem to be respected.

It’s reached the point where I deliberately spend most evenings outside the house, even when I don’t have anything planned, simply because I feel more relaxed being anywhere else.

I also contribute £900 a month towards the household expenses. I don’t mind helping my parents financially, but it’s frustrating paying that much while feeling like I have very little independence or control over my own life.

There’s also the cultural side of things. I understand that living with parents until marriage is normal in many Asian households, and I know my parents have made sacrifices for me. But I feel like those expectations are being used to make me feel guilty whenever I try to make decisions for myself.

I’ve tried having conversations about boundaries and independence, but they often turn into arguments. I’m tired of constantly having to justify normal adult decisions.

I’m now seriously looking at renting my own one-bedroom apartment. Financially, it would mean spending more on housing and saving less, but I’m starting to think the peace of mind would be worth it.

The difficult part is the guilt. I know moving out will probably upset my parents, and I expect there’ll be arguments about abandoning the family or not fulfilling my responsibilities as their son.

I’m not trying to cut them off. I just want to have my own space, make my own decisions and hopefully have a better relationship with them when we’re not living under the same roof.

Has anyone else been through something similar?
● Did your relationship with your parents improve after moving out?
● How did you deal with the guilt and emotional pressure?
● Did your parents eventually accept your decision?
● Did you tell them beforehand or wait until everything was arranged?
● Looking back, do you wish you’d moved out sooner?

I’d really appreciate hearing from people who understand the cultural expectations involved.

I feel like I’m at an age where I should be building my own life, but I’m constantly torn between doing what’s right for me and feeling like I’m letting my parents down.

Like a lot of you, my relationship with my Chinese mother has been fraught and difficult, oftentimes abusive. I met with a therapist for about two years attempting to reconcile what she means to me. I’ve see-sawed between wanting her desperately to be a "good mom" and wanting absolutely nothing to do with her, but I’ve concluded that I will be permanently stuck in the middle. Our troubles will never have any real conclusion. I've thought about why that might be, and maybe this won't make sense to anyone, but it makes sense to me: She is just too human for me to ever truly hate her.

When I was a toddler, she sent me to a daycare that told her to stop speaking Chinese to me so that I would learn English first. She fought against those teachers and my dad to advocate for me to learn Chinese alongside English. I know this inspired her to start a Chinese language business, and I know it started because of her love for me. Not to brag, but she is the best Chinese teacher in the Pacific Northwest. (I would plug her business, but it would expose me.) Because of her, I grew up with a deep bond to our culture and language. It was so strong that even when I was bullied for being Chinese, I never felt the need to be less than what I am.

She definitely had her expectations of me. Like a lot of Chinese parents, she wanted me to go to an Ivy League school. She wanted me to put my language skills to use and go into politics, become the first Wasian woman president, but I wanted to go to art school. It wasn't instant, but she supported me in the end. She sent me to classes, bought me supplies, checked in on my portfolio, and gave me a space to work when the pandemic prevented me from going to the studio. She is a big reason I was even able to pursue my dreams. And while being supportive is the job of a parent, it was still an active choice she made and thousands of dollars she spent, a choice most parents of any ethnicity never make.

When I traveled across the country for school, she paid for expensive express shipping for two cucumbers she grew in her garden because I mentioned that I missed them. When my grandma died in my first semester, I wanted to leave school to go back to China with her for the funeral because I felt guilty for not being there. My mom comforted me, even though it was her own mom who had passed away. When I was stressed about my roommates not doing their chores, she sent me $200 to buy takeout so I had less work to do. When my friends reached the age when we started dating, their parents had strict expectations about their partners' race, class, and education. My mom did not. She reminded me over and over that as long as the person treated me right, she would be happy. I believe her, my current boyfriend is unconventional by Chinese standards, but she is fine with it.

2025 was a hard year for us. My dad got sick, and she became his primary caretaker. I got out of an incredibly abusive relationship, which I kept from her because I had heard how she talked about other Chinese girls who experienced IPV. She always said I would never be like those girls. But I was. A mix of that shame and the fear of putting more stress on her kept me quiet.

It all blew up on the day of my graduation. She got upset with me because I was grumpy when we got lunch after the ceremony. She screamed at me in the restaurant, the hotel lobby, and the Uber to the airport hotel. She said horrible things: that she couldn't stand looking at me, that she wasn't proud of me, that I was ungrateful. It was all the usual abuse I had put up with for years. Finally, I told her what happened to me, that the reason I was so distant that year and so angry that day was because I had to share a graduation stage with someone who hurt me. I could see she was shocked. I was afraid she would blame me for being assaulted, but all she asked was why I didn't tell her, saying she could have helped me through it. She put aside her anger and held me as I finally told her everything.

I don't think I could ever hate her, but it's so hard to be her daughter. She is the reason I'm afraid of the dark, can't play the piano anymore, and couldn't stand up for myself in that relationship. I get nauseous when I have to call her. I transcribe all her WeChat voice messages because it's hard to hear her voice. She has cornered me and hit me (never on the face, she says she can't stand hitting my face). Then she turns it around as soon as I need her. When I was abused, she set her anger aside to comfort me. She let me sleep in her bed for weeks when I had night terrors as a kid, even though she hated sharing a bed. She's the reason I skipped the chapter of self-loathing and internalized racism so many ABCs go through. She sends me whatever I need, whenever I need it. She really is always reliable. But how can I reconcile the fact that the woman who held me that night has hurt me in deeper ways than the man who raped me?

We both know we can't be together for long stretches. It's the year of the Horse, and we are both Horses. She took me to get our BaZi chart done by one of her auntie friends, and we found out I am primary Fire and she is primary Water. The auntie remarked that we must fight often. My mom laughed and said yes, that's why I live so far away. Afterwards, I told her I could move back to help her with Dad, but she said it was better for me to be independent. I know she wants me around. Not out of a desire for me to take over caretaking, but because she misses me. I just can't be around her anymore.

My mom is a deeply flawed person. I have seen her at her absolute worst, and I've seen the way she lights up the world. But despite all her flaws, the one virtue I'm sure she has is that she is the most earnest person I have ever known. She has never lied to me or anyone, so when she is kind to me and says she loves me, I can't see it as emotional manipulation. I know what she feels is real.

She is just like me. We are both hot-headed and stubborn. We love the same foods and love to travel. She is the strongest, most hardworking person I know. Her WeChat username is the title of her favorite Teresa Teng song, just like how my username as a 14-year-old on Tumblr was Fullmetal Alchemist-related. We spam GIFs and emojis at each other after little spats on WeChat. We both left our parents to move far away. We care about people deeply, even if we aren't the best at showing it.

Of course, I have sworn to myself that I won't treat my partner or kids the way she treats my dad and me, but I know she loves us. She lavishes praise on him to me when we are alone. I just wish she would say those things to his face. Unfortunately, I am the same. I'm a much kinder partner to my boyfriend, but I find myself putting up a wall when it comes to showing deep appreciation. I only opened up to him one night while drunk and emotional. Because I see myself in her, I just can't cut her off fully. It would be like rejecting myself.

I don't know what writing this will accomplish. Ninety percent of this is because I can't afford therapy anymore, and I'm in my feelings with no real outlet. I wonder if she's ever hated me the way I've hated her, vented to her friends about me, complained when I asked for money, or cried into her pillow because of me. If she has, she's never let it show. I wonder if we'll ever reach an understanding, but she is the one who must try to understand what she has done to me. I think that is the one thing she just doesn't have the strength to do.

To keep it short my aunt got so pissed that i accidentally scratched her laptop w my charger (I DIDN'T DO IT ON PURPOSE AND I WAS ALREADY STRESSED WITH SCHOOL). This crazy bitch threw the laptop and smashed it on the floor out of rage. 😭😭😭?? I genuinely don't understand her thought process. She's mad because i scratched it a bit and so she threw her laptop so that It wouldn't be just a scratch...? Seriously? I cant wait to finish college and get out of here i swear. i just dont get them at all! are anyone's parents or family members just as crazy?

edit: grammar + some typos

I'm in my mid 40s. My dad periodically throughout his life got large chunks of money from his parents. The first was about $60k in the mid 80s (inflation adjusted that's a nice sum) when he was in his 20s. In the early 2000s he got that money (about $100k at the time after bank interest) and used it to start a business. At that time his parents gave him ANOTHER $100k which he used as a down payment on his house.

And then about 10 years ago he got another $125k which he promptly used to try to save the business that was going under. That's almost $300k over the years from his parents, more if you consider inflation.

On top of that, I'd guess he's gotten another $150k or so from other family, including his kids. I've given my parents about $25k over the last 15 years, my sibling that's doing well has probably given them about $75k. And he's gotten $50k from his siblings and my mom's siblings.

That's almost $500k given to him by others, more if you consider inflation. And today he has zero in his bank account. All he has is the house he bought with help from his parents that has appreciated nicely. Otherwise my parents live off social security and help from my rich sibling.

I never really expected anything in way of inheritance. But it still makes me angry at times. Forget inflation, even just a straight $60k in my 20s would have been life changing. $100k for a home downpayment a couple of years ago? Same.

As it is, prob priced out of ever owning a home. I mean my wife and I otherwise are doing ok financially, but still kinda sucks how much of a handout my dad was given and wasn't able to pass any of that on to his own kids.

So I’m 17f and I just got a boyfriend. He is incredible and I am so serious about him however he is starting to ask when I am going to tell my parents about us and I think I’m going to have to suck it up and do it.

My mum is Korean and just very weird about dating. She still sees me as a child and thinks that dating ruins your academic life. I know she will disapprove and even the thought of this conversation makes me nervous. My dad is English however he is also quite strict and just to add the cherry on top of the cake, me and my parents aren’t close really and I never tell them anything. I’m just wondering what the best way to go about this would be if anyone has experience I can learn from

Backstory: Coming from a kinda conservative family. Not exactly against women's education but some women in my family got SO excited after seeing men for the first time at uni that they got into relationships, got pregnant, and secretly got married.💀 So now the new generation of girls is COOKED before we even get a chance

My own dad is toxic asf and lowkey shaaki. He checks my phone, so I literally have to hide my insta n all and chats with my friends (BTW THEY'RE ALL GIRLS). I'm not even into relationships like also literally scared of my father. Bro could actually kill me. 😭 I've spent 18 YEARS of my fucking life with access to social media and STILL haven't gotten into any of this shit

So now, after 12 years of girls-only education it's finally time for uni. My dad was NEVER really okay with sending me to a co-ed uni but after A LOT of rona dhona I somehow convinced him to let me go LIKE, COME ON, MAN, LET ME LIVE 😭NOW last night I was studying and in between, I randomly opened my camera and started taking silly selfies. AND MY FUCKING LUCK?? HE WALKED IN AT THE EXACT MOMENT💀💀

Now my ass is COOKED. All he can think is that I'm out here collecting boyfriends at uni and sending them my pictures. 😭 (Mind you he checks my gallery from time to time, so I NEVER save any of my pictures there)He didn't say much and just left

NOW TODAY, he asks for my phone again to check it. Of course, according to him, the entire male population of my uni is already obsessed with me. 😍

So, as usual I uninstalled all my socials. But WhatsApp had my class group chats and because of group assignments I'd also been talking to a guy from my class(not even DM in a gc where otger girls are present too) Nothing inappropriate just normal uni stuff BUT I KNOW MY DAD. He would've started with the whole "Why are you talking to boys? Why are you working with boys? Bhala bhala bhala" and would've basically declared me a slut for doing a fucking assignment. 😭

So my stupid ass DELETED WHATSAPP TOO. 💀💀

AND THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE BECAUSE NOW I LOOK EVEN MORE SUSPICIOUS

He got SO ANGRY and asked where WhatsApp was. I told him it had been lagging and wasn't working, blah blah blah. But now he's FULLY CONVINCED that I have some secret boyfriend to whom I've been sending those pics and apparently I've deleted WhatsApp to hide all my chats with every boy on planet Earth. 😭😭

MY MOM IS CONVINCED TOO. All because WhatsApp suddenly stopped working(she's watching the drama of dananeer aj kl now her raato ki nend or gai hy)

And the funniest part? I literally do proper parda at uni, wear a naqab and everything, but I keep my nails a little long (MAN LET ME BREATHE I JUST LOVE MY HANDS 😭) and wear mascara

NOW HE'S TOLD ME NOT TO DARE WEAR MASCARA AGAIN because apparently the moment I put on mascara every boy at uni is going to fall in love with me, and next thing you know i'll have them all pregnant. 😍😍😍

I WILL LOOK ABSOLUTELY COOPED WITHOUT MASCARAAA AHHHHHHHH. 😭😭😭

KHAAAIR Iwas just bursting with frustration So I thought I'd spill some free tea for y'all ☕💋

ENJOY BESTIES. 😭🤚🏻

So I talked to my AD a while ago about the subject of me moving away and was only reminded of it because of a call with my AM, I hated the phone call, but that’s a story for another day.

Regardless, my AM told me that my AD said that I didn’t want to move to any other state and would stay in NY with them of which I never said lol. He straight up lied for no good reason, it made no sense to me.

But I remember that phone call and I remember my AD telling me that NY wasn’t bad and I should stay and a bunch of other stuff as if living with them was so “great” of which it wasn’t.

And while I understand NY is fine for jobs and opportunities, I would rather broaden my horizons and move out mainly for my peace of mind and the other to expand my interests. Plus NY is mad expensive.

A part of me does feel they’d be lonely, but they brought it on themselves because if they were good APs, they wouldn’t need to ask me to stay and these Reddit posts wouldn’t exist lol.

I just wish I was born into a better family, one that wasn’t toxic and treats me like crap.

Good evening po, we're asking for anyone's help for our undergraduate thesis study. We're currently looking for participants who grew up with their lolo, lola, tito, tita, and cousins.

As a brief background, our study aims to explore the lived experiences of young adults raised in extended families and how their family influences their marriage attitudes. Hence, we humbly request the participation of those who meet the following criteria:

- currently 18 - 40 years old

- living with their extended family since birth (age 1) to adolescence (age 18)

- had experience in romantic relationship (casual, committed, cohabitated, or engaged)

Rest assured po that any information you'll be sharing will remain confidential and will only be used for research purposes. If you're willing to participate and would like to know further details, kindly send a message. Thank you for your time and I hope you consider being part of our study. : )

I'm planning to move to any EU country after my bachelor's, but my family won't support me financially or morally, so I'm saving on my own. Is it really impossible to survive in Europe without parental support? Am I truly on my own?

Korean here. The abuse started even before I started forming memories. I know because my family and extended family on my mom's side had a childrearing practice of beating toddlers basically until we were too shocked to continue crying. These stupid shits fully expected TWO-YEAR OLDS to have enough awareness and willpower to overcome developmentally normal tantrums. They called it "breaking" or "seizing" the child's will/stubbornness (고집을 꺾어야/잡아야 해) and thought it was important to start beating us early in development. They sincerely believed that fear, shock, and pain were good for us and that they were necessary to create obedient, disciplined, strong children. They also used religion (Christianity) to justify it, saying God commanded beating children.

I really wish I had just run to a DV shelter or somewhere as a little kid. I would've been better off in foster care. Not saying the foster care system is great. Being a foster child comes with tons of trauma and I'm not trying to minimize that. It's possible that I could've ended up just as traumatized in foster care. But I have a feeling it would've been better than growing up being savagely beaten, emotionally and sexually abused, and being nearly killed by my mom directly (by drowning) and indirectly (by being driven to attempt suicide multiple times starting in middle school).

It would take pages and pages to describe all the fucked up shit these worthless things did to me and my sisters. Sometimes I fantasize about being a kid again and reporting my parents for abuse and getting them criminally charged and sentenced to prison time. I've fantasized about killing them since I was a kid. I'm 31 now and still have severe PTSD from it all--not to mention psychosis, insomnia, and bipolar disorder that was probably triggered by the abuse.

I feel like I'm actually getting worse mentally. It's getting more and more agonizing trying to stay functional and have a normal life. Like I wish I could at least be able to sleep normally. I only slept two hours last night. I'm incapable of staying asleep for more than a few hours even while taking all kinds of meds for it, and most of the time I can't fall back asleep unless I medicate again (which is horrible for brain functioning). Part of me wishes someone would murder me and end my suffering.

Fuck these people. My cousin said a while back that she beats her kids too. I would report her now if I knew where she lived. It's a vicious cycle of stupid people not being able to break out of the abusive belief systems they inherited.

With Filipino parents, they have high standards on my dating life. They want me to get a job first before I date. They want whoever I want to date to be good-looking, be Christian or Catholic, be just as smart or even smarter than me. Note this: I’m 20 and almost graduating, and I know these seem like normal things to want for your kid, but it’s not just that Well I mean idk if they are normal things…But I always just felt envious of those other people who got to date whoever they wanted. And well, let’s just say their opinions on my sister’s boyfriends had led my sister to being estranged. They keep trying to brainwash me into thinking these bad things about my sister and telling me that I should not date someone who looks like “chicken butt“ or whatever that means… and in my opinion there’s a lot more to a person to just their looks alone… and I should date someone who’s like a prince… idk about any of you..but I’d just don’t think I can meet the standards that my parents set for me..and I feel stuck..like I will never find someone who is enough for them.. it makes me really sad and I’m just scared y’know. moreover, my mum makes me feel insecure about myself always asking me if I’m going to the gym and telling me to eat one meal a day or eat no carbs or just really unhealthy things that just make me feel like nobody will love me just for who I am. i feel like im an alien.I just can’t With this.. I mean it’s also like in Filipino culture they expect the dude to “court“ me properly.. and considering I live in a western country that’s gonna be pretty freakin impossible to find… All of my Asian friends get to date whoever they want.. even ones who are Filipino..I don’t understand like why are there so many rules and expectations that make it feel so difficult for me to have some independence

I’m in the middle of raising my one year old and my 70 year old mom. I can’t even fully enjoy motherhood when I feel so trapped. Up until now, my personal success has been my career and even own house. And now my own family. But why can’t I be happy?

My mom would have random bursts of frustration - saying negative things and being distant. I’m the only one she has and with that, I try to bring her happy things. Especially in her older age. But at this point all she says to me is that I should take care of my husband. That my dog is closer to her than I am. Can’t tell if she’s trying to make me hate her but it’s so draining.

I’m a 25YO female and I’m moving out this November. I told my parents and of course they’re upset as in our culture the daughter never really moves out unless she gets married. How do I tell my parents that I want the opportunity to do things on my own and have my own space and privacy? Living at home is nice, i love my parents, but its like everytime I go out and come home late the next day nobody makes conversation with me, its like they want to make me feel constantly guilty about living my life. Being at home makes me into this angry and anxious person which I’m not outside. They don’t understand that this is constantly messing up my mental health. I’ve never had a decent conversation with my parents because I can’t tell them stuff. If i tell them stuff they will either be disappointed or make me feel guilty. And it’s not like i’m hanging out with the wrong crowd, i have a good career and a small friend group. And now that I’ve decided on moving out, it’s even worse, nobody wants to talk to me, unless they want me to do something. I’m constantly in fight or flight being home because I don’t know how they will react. What should I do? I am moving out, but how do I deal with this guilt?

My mother and sister fight a lot and often that fight turn toxic and abusive. My sister did something my mother had asked her to do and then my mother forgot about it. Then my mother asked my sister why did she do it. My sister said "you had asked me to do it." Mother said ok.

Ideally, it should have ended here but my sister started yelling at my mother and my mother got angry and started slut shaming her. My sister used cuss words and abusive language.

I blame myself for this because I was the one who told my mother about my sister's boyfriend when I was 16. Now she uses it as a weapon in fights against my sister.

Back to the latest fight, I told my sister what she said was wrong and also told my mother to not taunt my sister for her boyfriend. My sister gave me silent treatment and my mother said anyone would have reacted that way if their daughter had said such things.

As someone who calls herself a feminist, I often find myself torn between these two people. Someone please tell me what I should do in such situation.

22M, me and my parents usually have a lot of misunderstandings because of our financial issues and various other things regarding my education and privacy, i have been trying to help them in their business since past 8 years and it being a physically exhausting job, they don't find people so easily, so me and my father do it by ourselves but nowadays he has stopped looking for workers whereas i have an entrance exam which i have been preparing since last 1 year, even took a drop, now it's taking a toll on me cuz i am not given ample time to study because of this business and i have been doing the job with my father since i was 16, it's very traumatic experience where I can't share anything with them and they always have ways to blame it on themselves and try to make themselves the villian whereas i just want to say that i wanna get better in life but i need time to do it, everytime i have a fight with them they just tell me to either leave the house or find a job for myself which can't be done so easily cuz i have to give interviews and the entrance i wanna give will be affected, it's in a month and my parents are torturing me to give me more time to them and their time to go out for shopping and doing all the chores of business which i can't handle rn

Lately, I've been thinking about how little control women in middle-class Indian families often have over their own lives. Their dreams are treated as unimportant, their financial independence is considered optional, and their futures are planned around marriage rather than their own ambitions.

Coming from a middle-class Indian family, I've witnessed this discrimination firsthand.

Parents are often willing to send their sons to another city for higher education. They arrange the money for admission to a good college, encourage them to pursue professional degrees, and dream of seeing them become engineers, doctors, or successful professionals. They invest in their sons' futures because they want them to be financially secure.

But when it comes to daughters, the expectations are often very different.

Daughters are expected to pursue inexpensive degrees like a BA or MA. Moving out of the city for education is discouraged unless it's a government college or a job. Their ambitions are weighed against the cost of education, their safety, and the belief that they will eventually get married and move into their husband's home anyway.

The difference doesn't end with education.

Many families try to build assets for their sons so that even if they don't earn enough, they have something to fall back on. They might buy land, build a house, or leave behind property that generates rental income. Sons are often considered the natural heirs to family wealth.

Daughters, meanwhile, are called paraya dhan.

They grow up hearing that their parents' house isn't really theirs because they will eventually have to leave it. They are told that their husband's house will become their home.

But what does that actually mean?

Does a daughter stop being a member of her family just because she gets married? Why is she expected to leave behind not only her childhood home but also any expectation of financial security from her parents?

Families may spend enormous amounts on a daughter's wedding and dowry, sometimes exhausting years of savings in the process. Yet these expenses don't necessarily provide her with any long-term financial security. And after spending all that money on her marriage, she may even be made to feel that she has no right to claim her share of the family inheritance.

But what happens if her marriage fails?

Where does she go?

What if she faces abuse, financial dependence, abandonment, or simply finds herself in a marriage that no longer works? Will she be able to leave if she has no savings, no property, no stable income, and no family willing to support her?

We all know that returning to her parents' home doesn't always mean returning to a place where she will be welcomed and respected. She may be reminded that she is a burden, that she belongs to her husband's family now, or that her parents have already spent enough on her wedding.

So why don't we invest in our daughters' independence instead?

Instead of spending a fortune on weddings and dowry, why not invest that money in their education, professional skills, and financial future? Why not help them buy a small piece of land, build savings, or acquire an asset in their own name?

Why is a daughter's wedding considered a parent's responsibility, but her financial independence is so often treated as unnecessary?

A marriage should be a relationship a woman chooses to remain in, not a situation she is forced to tolerate because she has nowhere else to go.

And financial security shouldn't depend on whether her husband is good to her, whether her marriage survives, or whether her parents are willing to take her back.

I'm not saying parents shouldn't celebrate their daughters' weddings or support them after marriage. I'm asking why we don't put the same energy, money, and planning into securing their futures as independent individuals.

A daughter shouldn't have to choose between an unhappy marriage and homelessness. She shouldn't have to beg for a place in the home where she grew up. And she shouldn't have to prove that her marriage has failed before she is allowed to need financial support.

If parents can spend their lifetime building a secure future for their sons, why can't they do the same for their daughters?

Why should a daughter's future depend so heavily on the kindness of a husband when her own family could have helped her build a life of her own?

Perhaps the greatest gift parents can give their daughters isn't an extravagant wedding. It's the education, assets, financial independence, and confidence to know that even if life doesn't turn out as planned, they will still have a home, dignity, and the freedom to make their own choices.

Heya guys, I had posted here a few days ago here and have an update!

My mother reacted to my previous text of where I don't want to see her again if we visit my hometown with an okay and a heart emoji.

Next day, she texted to complain that the gift voucher I sent to my stepdad for his birthday wasn't working/she couldn't find it.

After all the shit she had said to me the night before, it was like why the fuck should I help you?? I told her well, sorry you can't find it.

Mum: I'm not worried about the voucher, it's the money.

Me: Yeah, well, can't help you if you can't find it in your email.

This set her off, over a $50 cafe voucher:

"Don't visit my place. I don't want to see you anymore."

I was going to grin and bear it and go back to my hometown to get photos from my childhood but probably can't. I demanded she sent those to me via mail but doubt that is going to happen knowing I want them.

My last text to her was: "잘 먹고 잘 살자." Live well, eat well. In Korean, that's our way of saying fuck you and fuck off. And with that, her number was blocked and listed as spam. I was so pissed that when I said I don't ever want to see you again, she reacted with a heart emoji and said okay. Like she did not take me seriously, didn't care, didn't think I meant it or all of the above. But as soon as something inconvienced her and I refused to help her, she goes you can't fire me, I quit!

I had an appointment with a therapist today and basically just unloaded the current events and the events before, such as:

-the slut shaming, whore might as well been my second name

-the favoritism of my brother, effectively infantilizing him. She tried to do that to me and tried to prevent me from moving out at all.

-the lack of emotional regulation that I had seen since I was a child

-neglect/lack of supervision since I was a year old (she left me home alone and in rural Korean farmland as a baby)

All this made me realize she is still doing all of this and she would never change. Hell, my therapist called my mother a narcissist, that she ticked all the boxes and I as better off! She looked like she needed a therapist!

I am sad I have lost that familial connection to my culture , or that I didn't have the normal, loving mother that all of us in this sub deserve. But I am going to be okay. And I am glad I did this before I got children. If I had a daughter, she would've shown through her actions that she didn't matter because she is a girl. I was more terrified of the thought of having a boy as I feared she would try to take every milestone from me, have a do ever son as the first one worked out so well /sarcasm.

I am willing to bet she will try to call and ask when I am arriving at hometown. She will realize she will be talking to an empty room as no one is there anymore.

But I created this sub for victims of honor based abuse r/honorbasedabuse