I have been thinking about this lately and genuinely just want an honest conversation.

I am a traditional woman at heart. I am soft-spoken by nature, I tend to be more submissive in relationships and I find real fulfillment in creating a peaceful, loving home. My biggest dream is to build a sweet, calm life with my husband.. a warm house, shared meals, quiet evenings, mutual care and a sense of partnership where we both feel safe and cherished. I don't have any strong drive to climb corporate ladders or chase high powered careers, ofcourse I will work cause that is the ask of today and it will keep my thoughts frssh ig. Just that any kind of intense ambition just doesn't light me up the way nurturing a home, spending time with children and a relationship does.

What I am curious about is whether men actually appreciate and value this kind of woman anymore. Do you like (or even prefer) someone who is more traditional, gentle and home oriented? Or has the cultural shift made it so that most men now expect or want a partner who is extremely career focused and independent in that very modern sense?

I am NOT judging anyone's choices, people are different and that’s fine. I am just trying to understand the real preferences out there. Is the traditional wife type still something men find attractive and desirable long term or do most guys feel it is more important to have someone who is more ambitious and career driven?

I would ove to hear honest thoughts from you all. No need for lectures or debates about what is right or wrong.. just real views and experiences. What do you actually look for or value in this area?

1. Wear sunscreen
2. Wash your towel and change your bedsheet
3. Get sony XM6
4. Don't buy mokobara
5. Turn off the switch when not needed

Last but not the least, when you hit rock bottom, dig a little further. 0 to -1. If that doesn't help then keep digging, water deep down is safe enough to drink.

I mean all I said was, "in initial days you gotta be careful and balance to save yourself from getting hurt", well basically that. Girl was good looking and very confident in nature. I admire that quality. I was humble and conversation were okayish.

I did see some red flags, in the first conversation she brought up the property angle, implying via a story on how her friend's husband recently bought a flat. Other signs like losing 2k in poker game isn't a big deal and how much money is involved in maintaining herself. Not letting me speak or complete sentences and never initiating any conversation, never inquiring about my life. How much she is into business even though she is doing a job now she wanna do business full time which requires capital. She even shared that she is talking to 2 more guys. Her ex still tries to talk to her and she told me all the things her ex did for her. It made me cry for the guy, I left that guy's pain, how much he has done for her and yet this girl wants something else in life.

But I thought okay, let's give it time, let's take this at it's pace and get there before I can start sharing with her about my life. I guess since I signed up for AM, I'm anyway gonna compete with random men for her affection. And yes, she was pretty and bold, not gonna lie, and if a girl like that enter an AM scene she is gonna get full undivided attention from men.

2 weeks it went fine and then out of blue, in the morning yesterday I get the message. "I will not move forward". Bruh, just a plan statement. Now for a moment I thought let it be, but I wasn't able to concentate on work with this randomness. So eventually I asked her if she thought my efforts were lacking. To my surprise I'm told, "I have feminine quality and she likes to be the only feminine energy in the house" and she expects a man to masculine.

Okay, I work in IT, I read a little, I do have interest in arts and enjoy anime. I'm naturally soft spoken and articulated cuz 12 years of working in IT does that to you. I don't drink or party. Is that feminine?

She never bothered to understand me to begin with, to even pass a judgment like that. Should I have told her I beat up my ex's boyfriend in public? Does that qualify as masculine?

I'm just naturally pissed, cuz as soon as I start hoping something good is going to happen this stupidity is pulled by life. Now I'm burned for another few weeks easily before I can even think about talking to someone else. Hell.

I've been single my whole life, and I think an arranged marriage will probably be my only option. But I'm scared because I've always wanted a love marriage. I wanted someone to choose me for who I am, to fall in love with me when I was nobody special in their life. That hasn't happened to me.

My question is, can you genuinely fall in love in an arranged marriage? How long does it take, and how do you know if your partner truly loves you or is just making an effort out of obligation?

My biggest fear is living under the illusion of being loved when the feelings aren't real. I'd never want my partner to feel trapped. If they don't develop feelings for me, I'd rather take the blame from society and let them walk away than live in fake love.

I'm also afraid of my future partner's past relationships, if she had any. Will I ever receive the same kind of love she once gave someone else, or will I always have to settle for less?

I'd really appreciate hearing from people who've had arranged marriages. Did you fall in love, and how did you know your partner genuinely loved you?

I , 28 M , am semi spiritual. Believe in God and karma but don't follow strict rules on food and lifestyle while my fiance is Vegetarian , is deeply spiritual and follows certain practices.

Eg : Not eating outside food during Navratri , seclusion during periods etc.

I am trying to understand her POV and want to create an open environment for her to practice her beliefs but some practices feel illogical.

Eg : Not eating outside food during auspicious even though they didn't take lunch from home

Also she is a vegetarian and I am a non vegetarian .

How to couples handle these differences aftrr marriage? What kind of midset should I try to adopt for a peaceful life?

Hey guys,

Been talking to this guy from a matrimony site for around a couple of weeks now. Honestly everything has been going really well. Great vibe, talks about kids and marriage timelines, emotionally available, and we’re meeting up in a few days.

One thing came up though: he mentioned he is strictly against weed. Total deal breaker for him.

To be clear, I’m not addicted or doing it 24/7. It’s literally just a rare social thing with my friends. The funny thing is, I’ve already been thinking of leaving it behind anyway, so cutting it out completely doesn't really bother me. Taking this as a good excuse/sign to just drop it for good.

Just wanted to ask people who’ve been in a similar spot in AM:

If you agreed to drop a habit early on that you were already planning to quit, did it ever end up feeling like you were being controlled later?

How much did you talk about past use vs just saying "yeah, I'm done with it moving forward"?

Just looking for some real experiences, thanks!

My parent choosed my maternal cousin as my wife. I live born and grown in town. She grown up in village. Her mindset and mine are not same.

Also our thinking process is not same, It can be a reason that she is 18 or her thinking process is developing.

In Bangladesh village early marriage is a normal thing.

Also I don't have any problem to get married now. Besides my mom is sick, she likes her very much also my cousin take care of her.

I want to know from experienced couple, how can I adjust with this arranged marriage? How I can create affection between us? Is sex is enough to make a relationship stable? How other arrange marriage couple make adjustments?

I received one profile and I like it. But my family is not interested due to 2 reasons.

1. The girl's family is totally unknown to us ( just 1 long long long relative knows them )

2. She is the second daughter and the first daughter is yet to get married( her family said she is going to do a love marriage so we don't know the whole picture). Because these things were discussed over the phone only, so I think it should be properly discussed face to face.

My gut feeling says i should atleast meet her once and then decide.

​Hey everyone,

​My parents recently connected with an arranged marriage match through a matrimony portal. Her parents spoke with mine, and they’re going to share her contact number shortly.

​We both work in the same city, so after breaking the ice over a quick call/text, the plan is to meet up in person for coffee.

​Since this is new territory for me, I wanted some advice from folks who have been through this:

​Conversation flow: How do you keep it natural and avoid making it feel like a job interview? What are good icebreakers before getting into serious topics?

Key checks: What are the most important things to gauge in the very first meet (e.g., lifestyle compatibility, non-negotiables, values, career plans)?

​Red flags / Green flags: What subtle things should I pay attention to during the conversation?

​Boundaries: Which topics are better left for subsequent meetings rather than bringing up right away?

Would appreciate any practical tips, dos & don’ts, or personal experiences. Thanks!

Assalamu Alaikum,

About me:

- 32M, Arab, living in Middle East/Gulf (UAE/Gulf area), Never married, No kids

- Religious: Practicing Muslim Alhamdulillah, pray 5 times, no smoking, no drinking, trying to follow Sunnah

- Education/Work: University graduate, stable job, able to provide and support a family

- Personality: Calm, respectful, family-oriented, quiet, loyal. I value a peaceful home on deen.

- Health: Average height/build, healthy, no health issues

About my family:

Close to family, value respect, family gatherings.

What I am looking for:

- Age: 22-32

- Muslim, practicing, prays, hijabi/modest

- Kind, family-oriented, sincere about marriage

- Arab - preferably from Gulf / Middle East / Egypt, open to any Arab who is serious

- Never married preferred but open to divorced without kids if pious

- Location: Currently in Gulf but open to relocate/discuss, willing to travel for Nikah

Important:

- Serious for Nikah only, with wali from day one

- No pictures exchange until wali approves

- Not looking for chat/dating, only halal marriage

- I am looking for ONE wife only, not polygamy

If you think there is compatibility, please DM with brief intro: Age, general location (country only), marital status, and level of deen.

Jazakum Allahu Khairan.

May Allah grant us righteous spouses.

Question is not about leaving job after kid, but in general. How did it feel being with working and what hobbies you made.?

I come from a lower-middle-class family. I've worked really hard, sacrificed a lot, and struggled throughout my life to reach the financial position I'm in today. I'm now comfortably in the upper-middle class financially.

My financial constraints and introverted nature kept me away from romantic relationships during school and college. For a long time, I also ignored marriage altogether, but recently I've started looking actively.

My relatives matched me with this girl. She's conventionally very beautiful and comes from a very wealthy family. I guess they considered me a suitable match because of my IIT degree and financial stability.

I've met her informally 3–4 times. Marriages within my caste community tend to be somewhat orthodox, so family connections play a significant role.

She graduated from one of the most expensive colleges in my city, where most students come from wealthy families, and then completed an MBA from another private university. I'm highlighting this because, honestly, these degrees sometimes feel more like something you can purchase if you have enough money.

During our conversations, I learned that she had never really struggled academically, prepared seriously for competitive exams, or worried much about building a career.

This got me thinking about my own journey. I struggled to clear JEE, lived in a tiny room in Kota with four other people, and worked hard to secure a good placement. I had to fight for the opportunities I have today, while she seems to have had most things handed to her on a silver platter.

That was one of the reasons I eventually called off the rishta.

Whenever we spoke, our conversations mostly revolved around the latest fashion trends, vacations, and how her friends spent their summers somewhere in the French countryside. There was very little discussion about careers, technology, AI, or anything that intellectually stimulated me.

She's currently working at an MNC and earning around 40k a month after spending ₹30 lakh or more on her MBA.

I want to clarify that I don't resent people who were born with a silver spoon. Everyone has a different starting point in life, and that's just how things are. I'm not saying she should have struggled just because I did.

But something inside me just couldn't accept the difference in our experiences and outlooks.

I want a partner who has struggled, worked hard to establish her career, and fought to earn her place in the world. Someone who understands the value of hard work because she's experienced it herself, rather than someone whose privileged background made things relatively easy for her.

Am I wrong for thinking this way? Am I being unfair by judging her based on her privileged upbringing, or is it reasonable to want a partner whose life experiences and values are closer to my own?

I've been thinking everyone I know is getting married. All are arranged marriages. None of them have girl/boy friends or know how to approach. Literally their parents finding the brides/grooms. I'm thinking girls/boys have chances of marriage if parents don't support arranged marriages. Or they keep dreaming of fantasies and wait till the age limit ends?

If arranged marriage profiles hid salary, looks, caste and family status until after 3 conversations, would people make better choices or worse ones?

Imagine a change to the arranged marriage process.

For the first three conversations, both people are anonymous in one specific sense: you don't know each other's salary, job title, physical appearance, caste, family wealth, or social status.

You can talk about anything else.

Your values. Your sense of humour. Your ambitions. How you handle conflict. What kind of life you want. How you treat people when you have nothing to gain from them.

After three conversations, both profiles are revealed. You can then decide whether to continue.

Would this produce better marriages, or would it simply delay rejection?

I'm 29M, with a decent salary and family income. A family approached us who has x daughters. She is 28F. She worked initially in india, later moved abroad and completed her masters. Worked for 1 year, couldn't secure a job and had to return to India.

She has a loan of 35lakhs on her, no savings. She is currently unemployed for the last 8 months in India. She is willing to work but couldn't convert anywhere as of now.

Her parents are also middle class nearing retirement, they also have responsibility of other daughter.

Pros: looks good and fit, seems ambitious, good education and values

Would you guys support the idea of removing the concept of arranged marriage in India?

I think it’ll level the playing field for both men and women and push equality instead of having inflated demands like in the current market.

Inspired to ask this question based on a discussion I saw on Twitter.

It might be an uncomfortable question, but I just want to know: when you are not able to find a partner on your own, why do you want your parents or relatives to arrange a partner for you?

Do you think those who are not able to find a partner by his/her own should stay single? And marry people out of love not due to pressure or desperation.

To high earning men here who are ok to marry low earning or non working women, how do you decide how much money you should give to your wife for her personal expenses ? I want to bring this up with girls during AM discussions after second phone call.

I know in case wife is earning good she would use remaining money after contributing 50-50 to common account. So if in such cases if they want more luxuries, want to spend more on personal stuffs, you can ask them to work hard to earn more money. But what to do if wife does not even have potential to earn more but still keeps demanding more money, stuffs from you ? How do you decide the limits ?

I have read about multiple cases here on this sub itself where non working/low earning wives keep on asking things endlessly from husband, they compare their lives with their friends, watching how good their husbands are treating them. Then they feel unhappy with husband as they can't look cool on insta. In case of housewives its tough to find how much money they deserve for personal expenses.

Any confusion here have potential to turn into big fights. And in case you refuse to spend big on them, they always have ailmony card to pull money from you to live in their dream lifestyle with or without you. You lose in either cases.

At work I have seen some men who earned 75+ lpa and married woman earning 40k/month. I felt curious, what setup is working for them.

I'm not in the situation to commit with anyone right now.

I have an issue with whole relationship stuff.

What's your take on marriage? Staying single isn't so bad but how to handle the situation if parents are actively participating in the AM process.

I came out of a 4 year long relationship, how to handle all this pressure.

At this point I’ll marry a dud if it’s upto me. How do you deal with family’s filter on top of your own and then the opposite party?
Like what’s the easy way to find a partner? Love marriage is a no go if you listen to your parents and anyway you’re going to be judged if a past thing doesn’t work by your future prospect so why bother..
Everyone’s struggling in AM.. people are scamming, there are fakes and over all it’s not a great experience..
like what’s the way out..

Hi all,
I just got into this arrange marriage setup as a 28yo male because i couldn’t find anybody for LM. I grew up in Mumbai, spent 4 years abroad in the west and so i have very progressive views about the whole setup and marriage and feminism. I’m looking for an equally progressive woman and family. But i come from the marwari community. I’m very new to AM and have no idea what the expectations of the market (other families) are.
I have very basic questions like - when do families get involved, should the guy and girl meet first and if needed multiple times before involving families, or should the first meeting be with the families so they know who they’re getting involved with, etc.
So I’m looking for advice, and what has your experience been. Please don’t limit the responses to marwari communities but I’m looking for some progressive city views.
Thanks in advance!

Edit - by modern, i mean forward looking and at least not orthodox.

Hi folks! Looking for genuine recommendations for a 36-year-old woman based in Mumbai.

Her parents are getting increasingly worried and are struggling with traditional matrimonial apps. They're looking for a hands-on matchmaker who'll speak to the family, find suitable profiles, arrange calls, follow up, and generally offer a relationship-manager kind of experience rather than simply sharing biodatas.

The family is well-educated and comfortable communicating in English. Hindi, English, Tamil and Marathi are all fine. Caste is no bar. Matchmakers who work exclusively with Brahmins or across all castes and communities are equally welcome.

Also, please don't assume the girl isn't taking initiative! She's actively involved in the process and is happy to speak with the matchmaker to discuss preferences and understand profiles better.

This is an urgent requirement, so any genuine leads or personal recommendations, along with contact details, would be hugely appreciated. Thank you!

I have worked with older people in a geriatric hospital, and here's my observation:

If you are lucky enough to grow old, the person who you will be marrying today will be the one to hold you when you balance your walker (if they aren't already in one). At that time, it wouldn't matter if they were earning 10LPA or 5 LPA at 25, whether they were 5'4 or 6'1, whether they were fair skinned or dusky, whether they wore glasses or lenses, what caste they are, or whether mummy said ok for this match.

All that will matter is - I can trust that this person will help me from the bed to the bathroom. I can trust this person with my life.

Choose wisely.