r/AncestryDNA • u/Top_Price_2966 • 3h ago
Family Discovery & or Drama Reached out to a DNA match and now I’m embarrassed
I’ll try to keep this brief, as I tend to ramble. I knew that my mother had a child years before she had me and that she gave that child up for adoption. I know it was extremely difficult for her to do so and its a pain that never truly left her, and I also knew that by signing up for any DNA testing site(s)/kit(s) there was a possibility I would find a half-sibling. I did my ancestryDNA kit over 10 years ago and, to my disappointment, never had any hits. It’s always been in the back of my mind that I have a half-sibling out there, wondering if I ever have ran into them without even knowing, etc.
Last week I received an email from ancestry, as I do whenever I receive a match with some distant 3rd/4th cousin, and basically spit my drink out when it casually stated I had a new match and that it was a half-sibling. I couldn’t believe it, as I had pretty much given up hope that our paths would ever cross.
I sat on it for a few days and finally decided to send just a quick message saying hey, I see we have this connection and would love to chat if you’re open to it. I know that everyone will tell (me) to not go into it with any expectations, and I think I naively thought that I wasn’t. But now I’m unexpectedly embarrassed that I may have been overeager and sent the message because I can see that it was read and now this person hasn’t been active since. I also completely can understand a scenario where they did not know that they were adopted/have any idea that I existed and this could be a lot to process. I’m just worried that I was too pushy even by just reaching out and maybe it wasn’t my place. My hope is that some day I will hear from them, even with baby steps. I know they do not owe anything to myself or my family.
As a side note, I had a half sister (from my dads side) that I grew up knowing and she passed away about 12 years ago, and that was a really terrible time in my life, so maybe I have some unprocessed grief that even comes with the word “sibling”, because other than that, it’s just me.
I guess there’s no end point to me putting this out other than to just get it off my chest. I just didn’t expect it to stir up the emotion(s) that it has, some that maybe I can’t even put a finger on yet.