Since October is LGBTQ+ History Month, I thought I'd finally talk about something that's been on my mind for quite a while now. Maybe there are others here who feel similarly.

I'm AFAB, and for a while I've considered myself genderfluid, but lately I've been questioning whether that label even fits me anymore.

I don't really feel like a woman, but I don't entirely feel like a man either. It's more like I'm somewhere in between, leaning towards androgynous or neutral. But at the same time, I really like the thought of being a boy.

Something that made me realise this was roleplaying male fictional characters on Discord, like Adam, Fizzarolli and Jax. People would naturally use he/him pronouns when interacting with me, and I realised how much I actually liked that. Even being called gay at one point made me surprisingly happy.

Another thing that made me question myself is how much I relate to male characters who are comfortable expressing their feminine side. Especially characters like Fizzarolli from Helluva Boss. I like that combination of being a boy while still being feminine. Twinks, if you want to call it that.

And then there's my body.

I've always felt like my breasts don't really belong to me. They're just there, and I wish they weren't. I want to get top surgery eventually because I genuinely want a flat chest.

But that's also where my dysphoria pretty much ends. I don't really experience it with other parts of my body, which sometimes makes me question myself even more.

There's also something else about top surgery that I've been thinking about.

I've seen a lot of transmasc people proudly showing their top surgery scars, including in artwork of their own characters. And I completely understand why people embrace them.

But personally? I don't want mine to be visible.

If I ever get top surgery, I want my chest to look like it has always been flat. Like that's simply how my body naturally is. I've even been looking into ways to hide the scars with tattoos in the future.

And somehow, seeing so many people proudly embracing their scars makes me feel a little weird about not wanting mine to show. Not because I think there's anything wrong with them, but because I don't feel the same way about my own potential scars.

As for my sexuality, that's another confusing part. I've considered myself biromantic, with a stronger attraction towards male-presenting people, but sometimes I wonder whether panromantic fits better.

Something that caught me off guard was when a gay label got added to me, even though it was only meant as a joke. I realised that I actually really liked it.

I don't know if it's because I like the thought of being seen as a boy who likes boys, or if there's something else to it. But it made me question my identity even more.

It's strange because I don't necessarily see myself entirely as a man, yet the thought of being perceived that way in a romantic context feels really nice.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't really know what I am or how I want to present myself.

Part of me just wants to be neutral. No expectations, no specific gender, just me.

But another part of me really likes being referred to as he/him, being seen as a boy, while still enjoying feminine things.

I don't know if genderfluid still fits, if I'm somewhere on the nonbinary spectrum, if I'm transmasc, or if I even need a specific label.

So I wanted to ask: Does anyone else feel like this?

Especially people who experience dysphoria about only certain parts of their body, or who enjoy masculine pronouns while still wanting to present androgynously or femininely.

And for those who have had top surgery, does anyone else prefer their scars to be as invisible as possible rather than showing them?

I'd genuinely love to hear other people's experiences because sometimes I feel a little lost trying to figure myself out.

Has anyone here who identifies with a feminine aligned gender been on t for a long time? I am a hard butch lesbian by nature of being on t, but I’m doing things to feminize myself to balance out. I use she/they but I honestly prefer she. Is anyone else similar? How do you cope with the unwanted changes like facial hair? My bottom dysphoria is super bad (salmacian specifically-desire for a mixed set), but the more masculine I am the more people misgender me. What to do?

This community is a wonderful idea and I hope it’ll grow. So I hope it’s okay if I post a question. I’m curious what other people’s transition thoughts are, especially nonbinary transitions.

I’m nonbinary and have a lot of bottom dysphoria, no dysphoria around my top. I do get dysphoria over the fact it’s socially unacceptable for me to go shirtless in the same places it’s fine for masc and men to be topless, but that’s only because it’s a legal limitation placed on me because of my AGAB. If that social construct weren’t in place, I don’t think I’d feel any dysphoria around my top. When I’m home and walk around shirtless, I’m happy as a clam. I’ve thought about getting some trans tape so I can be shirtless outside… probably would only do so in my own backyard though.

I give a lot of thought (and research) to eventually getting bottom surgery. I want a nonbinary surgery, though, so I’d have both female and male sets of genitals. That would make me finally feel at home in my body.

It was only earlier this year that I realized I’m nonbinary. It made so much of my life (especially childhood) make sense. But I’ve been hesitant to do any social transitioning just yet because of potential backlash in my social circle. I’ve been slowly shifting towards a more nonbinary masc presentation, and it’s felt great so far.

I've been dealing with the desire to be male for over a decade now, yet I cannot decide if the distress caused by this desire is strong enough to qualify as gender dysphoria. I've been actively questioning this since I was 15, and even attempted suicide when I was nearly 17 because I believed I would never be a "true transsexual," and yet I have no clue whether or not said true transsexuals would consider me dysphoric or not. This issue has caused much emotional distress and anguish in my life, and I was just wondering if everyone else here has had to deal with this.

For me, it's my deep voice and sideburns!