I'm 17 and getting assessed for ADHD in a couple of weeks. My parents agreed to it, but they think most of my problems come from my phone. I've been told I'm just lazy and on my phone too much.

It annoys me because my mom goes to therapy and is pretty understanding of conditions like this, but she seems willfully ignorant when it comes to me. At my GP she said everything was either normal or because of my phone or eating (I have ARFID), and that she barely notices any attention issues. But at home she's constantly saying I don't do anything and forget everything, and gets mad at me for it.

Part of the problem is I'm really bad at saying this stuff because of anxiety, especially with my parents. When she said she barely notices anything, I didn't say anything back, and I couldn't get myself to bring up the rest since the doctor didn't really ask. For the assessment I plan on having a list of notes to show the doctor when my mom's not in the room.

I get why they think it's the phone. I'm on it a lot and I know it's not great.

But this started way before I had a phone. In elementary school, homework didn't get done or took forever because I was just sitting there daydreaming, even though I actually cared about it. I was always losing or forgetting things, had hygiene issues, and had tutoring in 3rd and 4th grade etc.

It's the same now. I can't make myself start things, even brushing my teeth at night. I daydream all the time, struggle to follow instructions, and everything gets done at the last minute etc.

To me the phone is where my attention goes because it's the easiest thing around, not the reason I can't focus. But whenever I try to explain that, it sounds like an excuse.

Has anyone been through this with their parents? What actually helped them get it?

And if your parent told the doctor something different from what they say at home, how did you handle that at the appointment?

This sounds ridiculous when I type it out but I've realized there is a weirdly small window between having a thought and losing it completely.

I'll be walking somewhere or doing something around the house, think of something I genuinely want to come back to and tell myself l'll write it down in a second.

Then I pull out my phone, unlock it, find the right app and somehow the thought has either disappeared or I've already moved onto something else.

Voice memos help when I remember to use them, but even that still has the phone friction.

Has anyone settled on a genuinely low-effort capture setup?

I'm less interested in building a giant second brain and more interested in the first five seconds. Get the thought out of my head immediately, then let me sort out whether it was brilliant or complete nonsense later.

Should I discontinue my meds ?

The stimulant, it make me feel better emotionally but otherwise have not improved my life in any meaningful way. I took a few days off and felt dull. But output didn’t change. The feel better part is having better emotional regulation and just overall happier thoughts. Versus, seeing and feeling gray. Going through emotions of life but not really being present.

Originally I wanted treatment in order to find the problem or find the right career or hobby.

But I had this exhaustion for years or most of my adult life, and **even thinking about doing something enjoyable feels exhausting**.

Which means, going to get a job, even if it’s what I want to do. Or even creating a business idea. Or even, going back to school. All seem utterly exhausting and not worth it.

It’s an important distinction. It suggests the problem may be broader than disliking work, lacking goals, or struggling to get started because of ADHD.

Although yes, I still have executive dysfunction and task initiation issues. But running away, from my problems and society seems better than fighting for my future. Because the later feels slightly less exhausting. Having no job or ambition and living minimally sounds easier than waking up and going to a job.

Both are exhausting. Yes, even sitting around on my bed is exhausting to me. But I don’t know what to do when the meds for my dysfunction don’t work because of this under layer issue.

Am I wrong for wanting to quit or give up out of life ? I know I’ll get shit but I’ll just live in my parents basement and sleep. Which is currently what I been doing. Yes sounds unhealthy but neither is screaming and yelling and stressing myself to be like everyone else.

No it’s not the life I wanted. But I feel like I have no other choice because when I seek help the conversation is spinned to some other arbitrary point than anything I raised up. Mostly, if that’s what you want out of life .. or you need money to live.. or being an adult is your responsibility.. ect

I end up agreeing moving on. Then a week later ending up back here. Is this not ADHD and some sort of dysfunction in my brain or thinking patterns ? Or some other disorder that perhaps doesn’t exist in the masses ?

Trauma could cause this or what could this be ?
So people can understand I also don’t like leaving the house. I haven’t left the door to my house in years. I stopped because it’s exhausting. What’s exhausting about it ? Idk pretty much everything. I don’t see anything valuable out there in the world. And I get tired walking around and doing things.

implied sh urges

I am struggling in my community college that i need 60 credits to transfer out of because my mom decided last minute to have me be there and due to their new software update, it caused financial aid issues and me to constantly be randomly dropped from classes, at one point for two weeks. In the history class I was dropped from I tried to see if I could do assignments outside of the online portal because excessive assignments overwhelm me but he said i could only do it through the portal.

So because it’s accelerated and it took so long the past week I had to rush through everything because of it and my mom yelling at me and blaming me for not doing enough to resolve when i tried to tell support teams about this, talking to him, and it wasn’t my fault but she blamed me for taking too long and threatened to take my phone if i don’t finish everything or get lower than a b (which is something that happens a bit because we can’t comprehend shit). She and others who come to the house like my brothe’s ABA therapist shame me for not understanding things or doing more or procrastinating. She also allows her or my cousin who is older (im 20), others close to her, or in hs even teachers to not only shame but also plan out micromanaging.

In addition to ADHD, autism, cognitive disability, and others, we have physical disabilities and walking on campus hurts. Not only that but even when we sleep early as possible which is sometimes difficult we will almost oversleep and she once threatened to not pick me up anymore because i got ready late even with waking up early because we struggle with the passage of time. we now leave 30 min early and depending on what we do still often end up late due to exercise intolerance and issues with time to social psychology. I have tried so hard to actually be on time and am usually 5-10min late which I feel bad about already.

The social psychology professor made me promise him last tuesday i would be on time thursday and tuesday. Thursday i came to the building and still had to rest for four minutes because It exhausted me. he told me i was five min late (class starts at 11am, i was there 11:04am). I am in the process of having a doctors note related to this issue be recorded on my accommodation plan. However another issue is he doesn’t use technology and hates it, which fair but i can’t just read for something like this . Even a screenreader isnt enough because we had three chapters to read in two weeks. I struggle to finish even if I technically read fast. I have issues with reading comprehension and sometimes missing words or decoding despite technically being advanced since before 5. I also struggle to read small print despite our glasses adequately correcting my vision (i have other strange visual stuff)

He doesn’t see the point in powerpoints either, so i had to type what he writes on the board. main issue is he uses real life examples but only 1% of what relates to it gets written on the board so I have to listen for it and i don’t get it. He lowkey didn’t seem to think me using quizlet for my studying is valid despite it helping me often because i was two points away from a C. He also doesn’t believe in learn style unless u have an LD or ADHD. Which origins aside is one thing but he literally thinks everyone learns the same barring exceptions. He also lowkey talks down on us, cant get into all because it’s complicated but he talks in psychology fashion about how we often rank ourselves better than we our unless depressed and he sees it in his classes that do it the most that they’re grades suck. Also last we he literally said verbatim that if we’re only in school for grades and graduation or whatever to get the fuck out of his class because it is a privilege and because in situations like segregation in the us ppl started to want it because it was barred from them. I get his point but as someone who is black it felt like coopting because even though he has mentioned being cuban tmk he is still white and seen as such. Segregation was definitely very serious and it didn’t suddenly stop in all areas. In addition, I have actually dealt with racist professors in the school, including one who was a psychology one. It doesn’t change the fact that I also have a disability and receive shit for it everywhere, and am constantly mistreated at home and threatened with being withdrawn from school, arrest, institutionalizing, grounding, etc.

On tuesday I had to print something in the library because he wanted us to get magazin pages as an example of a social persuasion discussion. I have no available magazines at home, and the printer charger is lost so i had to print at the library and walking was exhausting. it wouldve taken long to print from my phone due to my printing account password being invalid after a few months. I got impatient and stormed out while having a meltdown because i wouldve been late anyway so i skipped. and the test is tomorrow. i am considering skipping again because even if i read i wouldnt absorb everything. there are no quizlets for my book or other references to help me for the test

I feel terrible for skipping but genuinely want to leave my college and home. Im tired of not being able to work, always being burned out even when resting, always having to hide my emotions even when I literally can’t handle it or have self destructive urges, of things always going wrong, and just how bigotry is prevalent. I can’t comprehend many things well but am expected to immediately get my shit together. I am starting to get enraged in my head at others and myself more. I feel less able to care about others and act like I do because trusting people is hard. I never truly fit in anywhere it feels like. Even doing things half the time causes extreme exhaustion. I am starting to hate my brain more now and feel like I have to smile more because i get told that half the time. It literally happened last weekend at a goth club with a security guard (he’s black too) and he said when i was looking at my phone randomly when i show was running that i need to smile and look like i will beat up someone. It hurts to smile often and I did nothing and I couldn’t even be myself in a space I loved. I can’t even bring myself to not feel resentment anymore.

Although most people are not interested in knowing what does it like to have adhd.

I want to formulate a good analogy to explain to someone who asks when I tell them for the first time. When people ask, my thoughts are so disorganized and I end up giving an absurd explaination. A lot of the time, I get the answer: Ohh, I think, I also have ADHD. Which kind pisses me off sometimes.

So, here is my analogy mostly in the context of executive dysfunction:

Imagine you are in a room. You have a working desk. You keep your things on the desk for the work you are doing in the moment.

But my desk is very very small. So, I could only place much less things. And, I need to go back to for the stuff if I am working on multiple things. This back and forth, takes a lot of energy.

Other than that, normally people have automatic glass windows and shades. The level of background noise and light is automatically adjusted.

But my room does not have that. So, my room is always very noise.

(also can you make of this? what can make it better?)

Hi everyone,
I’ve been studying for a massive exam using Anki and doing question banks (MCQs), and I’m facing a dilemma with my study style.
Ever since high school, I got into the habit of reading and repeating every single question and option **out loud** while pacing around. While it helped me focus at the time, it came with a huge cost: severe anxiety, physical exhaustion, and my throat literally hurting after long hours.
Lately, I’m so exhausted by it that I want to switch to **silent reading using my internal monologue**, but I'm honestly terrified that I won't retain the information or that my ADHD brain will just zone out completely since I'm so used to the constant talking and moving.
I’m curious:
Did any of you study out loud for years and then switch to reading silently?
How did it go? Did your retention or speed improve, or did you regret it?
I’d love to hear your experiences or tips on how to transition without losing focus!

Sorry I used ChatGPT because I don’t speak English well

Lol maybe its not nonsense? Does all that stuff work for you? "break your thinking into chunks, use timers, 2 minute rule etc etc" I think it is nonsense, because my theory is we have to physically refill the dopamine like gas in the car

edit: I am just trying to make a post about the possibility of using heat and cold exposure to boost dopamine. If you are mad about that, or can't do heat or cold therapy, then this post is not for you ;)

Interesting research: (from a sauna company website)

COLD EXPOSURE AND DOPAMINE

Research has shown that cold exposure can significantly impact dopamine levels. For instance:

• Increased dopamine release: A study published in Nature found that cold water immersion increased dopamine levels by 250%, with effects lasting for hours after the exposure. This boost in dopamine is linked to improved mood, alertness, and resilience.
• Stress adaptation: Cold exposure activates the sympathetic nervous system, leading to the release of adrenaline and norepinephrine alongside dopamine. This combination can enhance focus and energy while reducing stress and anxiety.
• Potential for habit formation: Cold exposure's dopamine release may help reinforce positive behavioural changes by associating the experience with increased motivation and reward.

HEAT EXPOSURE AND DOPAMINE

Heat exposure, such as through sauna use, also influences dopamine but in different ways compared to cold exposure:

• Gradual dopamine release: Unlike cold exposure's rapid surge, heat exposure tends to cause a slower increase in dopamine. Studies in JAMA Internal Medicine suggest that sauna use can boost dopamine and serotonin levels, contributing to long-term stress reduction and mood enhancement.
• Relaxation and recovery: Heat exposure can balance the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous systems, promoting relaxation while still providing a dopamine boost to improve mood and mental clarity.
• Neuroprotection: Research indicates that regular sauna use may protect against neurodegenerative diseases by supporting healthy dopamine levels and reducing oxidative stress.

I’ve got ADHD and dyslexia, and MindView was a massive help for me with work and studying. I had it through government-funded support, but that’s run out now. I could try and get work to pay for it out of their own budgets, but honestly chasing that is just too much of a faff, and at £250 a year... pshhhhh!

So I ended up building a mindmapping tool, it’s at ClearlyMap.com

It does mind maps in a few different layouts, and you can flip the same map into an outline, a timeline, a kanban board, a checklist or a step by step view. You can also turn a map into a Word doc, an email, a to-do list or notes, which is the bit I use most.

There’s a bunch of settings to make it easier on the eyes and brain: dyslexia friendly fonts, text size and spacing, colour themes, a low text mode and reduced motion. There are also templates and examples so you’re not stuck staring at a blank page. Has import, export options too.

No AI, I didn’t think it needed it for now. You don’t need an account either, everything stays on your device and you can download it as a desktop app from the browser. If you want to sync between devices you can make an account, and your maps get encrypted before they’re uploaded.

I made it for my own brain, so I’d love to know what works (or doesn’t) for yours. There’s a feedback form on the site if you fancy it, or just comment here.

It’s free and I’m not making anything from it. I plan to keep the majority of it free forever, as this was a tool I wanted that I thought i may aswell just share.

There’s a Ko-fi link on the site if you do want to contribute to the hosting and work I've put in, but no pressure at all. I might have to charge something for the sync side eventually, but for now it’s all free :)

So apparently if your ADHD prevents you from getting a college degree you don't deserve any sympathy. Well, fine. If that's this society's culture, then fine, I'll go along with it and become just as jaded, unsympathetic and "pro-personal responsibility" as the rest of y'all. Just don't expect me to sympathize with you then. After all, it's your own fault if you're struggling, right?

fidgeting has always had this weird feeling like it felt right, like its not like i wanted to tap my fingers on beat but more like when i do its almost like im in a state of being ⬆️ and when im ⬆️ everything becomes its own world so when i fidget tapping my fingers on beat is just this almost universe and thats the grand meaning of the universe like its what i ultimately have to do, and its not like evertime i havexan out of body experience more like i get the sence of that and im not even explaining it clearly enough its so weird
Like if this makes sense, like none of this actually happens, you just get the feeling that sort of experience would create like if that were to happen every time You fidget, you’d get that feeling, but it doesn’t. Yet you still get that feeling…? Yk…?
Id love to know is any1 feels the same or knows what this means

To me\*

To start, I've not yet been diagnosed by a professional, but I am directly related to several people with diagnosed ADHD (most notably my mom), have been told by others who're diagnosed that I most likely have it, and have done my best to research and manage a lot of the difficulties I've faced that are, if not exactly, extremely similar to the majority of ADHD symptoms/criteria.

One of those criteria happen to be an inability to focus (more accurately the inability to control my focus). Normally this isn't a big problem for me, I tend to stay out of physically dangerous activities so if I miss something because I'm not focusing (or I'm focusing too much), it's no big deal for me most of the time.

But I live in Middle of Nowhere America, where there's no such thing as public transport or sidewalks and if you want to go anywhere you need to be in a car/truck/whatever's road legal. I didn't think that would be half the issue it is for me until I went to driving school and took my first couple of on-the-road assessments.

Turns out operating heavy machinery when you struggle with focusing and have no spatial awareness is dangerous! I can't even think about getting into the driver's seat without worrying that I'm either going to be so locked in on what's directly in front of me that I'm not going to see little Timmy run into the street or I'm going to misjudge the size of my car body and hit some poor soul in the opposite lane because I couldn't tell how close I was to going offroad and into the ditch. It's been almost 2 years since I got my permit and I still can't bring myself to take the test to get my license.

My mom's already given me some tips (like taking my time and slowing down below the speed limit to get more used to it first). Please share any other advice yall have, even if it's just "you gotta practice and get used to it over time" like everything else seems to be.

I’m doing online school and have 9 days to do it and I for some reason can’t stay on track. Ive played music, been in complete silence, even talking to someone and I’ve got barely anything done. I have so many schedules that’s worked and I’ve suddenly just stopped doing them all together. I’m meant to be a huge huge 60 and I’m only at 30 done. All you do is watch videos constantly, read, write, and click answers.

I took adderall XR a few years ago and it made me feel great. Instantly cured my depression. It was wild to not feel depressed every day. I don't know if it was good for productivity because distractions were more fun, but at least I wasn't avoiding things because I was tired. The energy was amazing.

After a couple years I stopped taking it because it was causing problems or exacerbating them related to constant headache and neck pain and TMJ. I maybe should have stopped earlier but I felt terrible when I stopped - lower than when I started it. It's been almost a year and I still feel lower than before. It's a bummer that these meds have such a high upside but are dangerous and addictive.

This is my first post, so please be kind.

Hello, I (M26) have struggled with hyposexuality for some time now. (I just found out that this was an ADHD thing \~2 weeks ago). I was diagnosed when I was 22, but I always sort of knew I had it growing up.

I don't really know where to start, but I'd like to keep this short. I just don't think ahout sex sometimes....It's hard to explain but every time I have sex with my partner (past & present)--I just go on "cooldown." I don't get aroused the same, I don't feel that feelint when you really want to, and I just stop thinkint about it. Why?! It's so frustrating and it makes me so sad. I don't want to disappoint my partner and we've discussed this. She's very understanding, but I feel so bad. The cycle is: Have sex -> Cooldown -> "Why am i not horny? What's wrong with me?" -> Stress -> Longer Cooldown.

I just want to fix this. I know that novelty, diet, and other things can contribute to this. I know guilt and shame compound the issue. The overthinking really makes it so much worse and...yeah. I really don't want hacks or tips. I'm trying to get to the root of it. I just really need some help. I feel pretty pathetic typing this right now, but I just need help. I'm really tired of the guilt and sadness that comes when I haven't had sex with my partner.

My boyfriend has severe ADHD and is hyperfocused on a freelance project because he's financially stressed. He can only seem to rest "by accident": a "30 minute break" doomscrolling or gaming turns into 5 hours, then he feels guilty and works until he's totally burned out. He can't rest on purpose because he never feels like he's earned it.

He says he wants to spend more time with me, and I believe him. But my theory is that rest happens to him rather than something he can choose. So we only see each other when something physically stops him from working (burnout, running out of tokens), usually late at night, about once a week. Our last overnight was nearly two weeks ago, even though we've been together a year. I got there at 11PM, after we were both already depleted, and left early the next day so he could start coding again.

Despite all this, he clearly cherishes our time together. It feels tragic. It's like the thing keeping him from choosing me is that he wants to. I think he's stuck in a hyperfocus/burnout cycle. I'm going to talk to him about it next time I see him.

In the meantime, I wanted to ask others with ADHD and get some perspective. Has anyone else been stuck in this cycle, either as the person with ADHD or the partner? What helped?

A few ADHD tips that might make your daily life easier 💗

here are some little things that might help you get through the day.

• Break tasks into tiny steps. Don't think about cleaning your entire room. Just start by picking up the clothes on the floor.
• Use timers. Tell yourself you'll work on something for just 5 minutes. Starting is often the hardest part.
• Stop relying on memory. Write things down, set alarms, and use reminders. There's no shame in needing extra help.
• Make boring tasks more fun. Listen to music, watch a timer count down, or turn chores into a little challenge.
• Try body doubling. Having someone nearby while you work can make it easier to stay focused, even if they're doing something completely different.
• Give yourself some grace. Struggling to start a task doesn't mean you're lazy. Sometimes your brain just needs a different approach.
• Reward yourself for small wins. You don't have to finish everything to be proud of making progress.

Remember, you don't need to fix your whole life in one day. Find what works for you, take things one step at a time, and don't beat yourself up for having difficult days. ❤️

What's one small thing that helps you manage your ADHD? Maybe your tip could help someone else, too!

It's been months since I believed I had ADHD this whole time. I couldn't remember people's even though they told me their names, I always think "I can do it later" whenever I have to do tests or something important, I always create new story ideas and characters In my head and I'm always thinking no matter what unless I'm busy or distracted. But when I realized people do get diagnosed with ADHD by therapist , it made me question If I actually have ADHD or I was being careless and lazy.

New technology idea

Hey folks,

As someone with adhd and a terrible working memory, I constantly lose stuff and lose track of my stuff everyday and have to spend multiple minutes in searching everywhere, say my keys or earphones, or my phone or my socks pr my glasses...the list is too long to use apple air tags on everything and I dont even use iPhone...

So I was wondering if we can create a tech system such as this.

A sensor / group of sensors sit on the ceiling. They scan the room constantly but, only when the room is occupied and there is movement. (They are not video cameras).

Using the scans from the sensors these things are done.

1) every object is assigned an ID and a tagged with its current location coordinates. This gives a detailed location map (4D map- 3D +time) for all the stuff you have without physical apple air tags attached.

2) whenever there is movement, the scans are recorded. This gives tracking of all the stuff / objects in the room

3) this data is saved on a local hard drive.

4) a local LLM model is attached to the hard drive and run on your phone or laptop without Internet.

5) it also has conversational capabilities (limited).

So, whenever one loses some stuff and is frustrated about where that stuff was put and instead of going thru your entire house to look for it, just ask the system that's built. The system already has the location of the stuff you were looking for...and the LLM+speech model spits out the location.

Does this feel like a useful system to you?

For me it absolutely does and I really want this tech because I hate the daily frustration of having to search thru stuff..

What do y'all think?

I’m currently in my final semester and supposed to be writing my bachelor's thesis. Just recently, my psychiatrist prescribed me Pregabalin (for social anxiety) and Ritalin. Honestly, being on methylphenidate makes me feel like a "normal" human being for the first time. I can finally just experience the present moment without constantly getting lost in my own head.

Looking back, studying for high school and university was an absolute nightmare. Because it was such a struggle, I started abusing substances illegally about two semesters ago to cope. It started with borrowing methylphenidate and lisdexamfetamine from friends, moved to using cocaine while studying and right before exams, and eventually led to me making DIY Adderall by washing street speed.

While my grades actually improved, I ended up sliding into a serious drug addiction involving benzos and opioids. I got completely sick of that lifestyle and finally went to see a psychiatrist, mostly thanks to the pressure and support from my parents and friends.

Has anyone here gone through a similar experience? Also, do you have any tips or coping strategies on how to handle writing a major academic paper or thesis when you have ADHD?

I have tried all the stimulants, for years. My adhd is so bad I either forget to take them, or I quit because I cant sleep due to the medication. I have struggled with dopamine seeking behaviors my entire life..... like porn, sex, food, and phone addictions. It has taken over my life. I am fat, not present mentally for my family, and everything in my life is last minute. I am even In nursing school right now! How I am getting all A's in my courses is genuinely a surprise. I have had a test I have known about for weeks tomorrow. So when do I study? The freaking night before. What did I do all day? Masterbate and dirty text internet strangers all day. This might seem crazy to some, but I am absolutely struggling. I want off this ADHD train and to never get back on. Help me.

Also I just wanted an excuse to share my favorite coffee meme, lol

I have ADHD and although I am medicated and my dosage has worker before, ive noticed that i cant seem to get off my phone lately. I've always kind of had an internet addiction but I also had some other hobbies. But ever since I started college and fell into a bout of depression, its gotten WAY worse. It is all I do in a day and its been interfering with my work. I've always struggled with procrastinating but at least I've gotten things done, it has NEVER been this bad and idk what to do. It might be connected to ADHD cause its a dopamine issue, Im always on edge waiting for that next dopamine hit (a notification). Im starting to fall behind on my grades and things aren't looking good. Can anyone relate?

I’m a guy in my late 20s. I’m not diagnosed with ADHD and I’m not sure I have it, but I’m really struggling to stay connected with my family and friends.

I can go months, even years, without realizing how much time has passed and missed so many things happening in their life since we last talked. Even though I have good friends and family who don’t seem to mind, I still blame myself for forgetting birthdays or important milestones that happened in their lives while I was out of the loop.

I’ve had enough and started to track how long time it’s been since I last texted or saw someone.
I don’t know if it will work, but I’m so tired of feeling guilty for not being “present”.

Has anyone else had the same experience? From what I’ve read, this often happens to people with ADHD or autism, so I’m curious how you’ve handled a similar feeling.