WE’Z CHANGIN’ DA WEPPUNZ

[u/Tastemysoupplz]

DIS IZ A BIG ZOGGIN’ DEAL. A VERY BIG DEAL. DA BOYZ IZ GONNA SAVE A WHOLE PILE O’ TEEF AN’ GET PROPPA ARMED.

SO WE’Z ’ERE DIS EVENIN’ TA CELEBRATE DA LAUNCH OF ONE OF DA MOST TRANSFORMATIVE FINGS OF ALL TIME.

AIN’T NEVER BEEN NUFFIN’ LIKE IT. STARTIN’ TONIGHT, DOZENS OF DA MOST COMMON SHOOTAZ IZ GONNA BE AVAILABLE AT MASSIVE DISCOUNTZ FER ALL DA BOYZ.

FER YEARZ, BOYZ FROM BOTH MOBZ ’AVE BEEN PROMISIN’ TA SMASH DOWN SHOOTA 'N MEK BIT PRICEZ AN’ MAKE 'EM CHEAPER. BUT DEY ALL FAILED. ALL YAPPIN’, LIKE USUAL. DEY FAILED, AN’ DEY FAILED BAD.

SOME OF ’EM TRIED. MOST OF ’EM DIDN’T EVEN BOVVER, ’CAUSE DEY NEVER REALLY ’AD A SHOT AT IT.

BUT I’M AKSHULLY GETTIN’ IT DONE.

AN’ IT IZ DONE, AKSHULLY.

FER EXAMPLE, YOO’Z GONNA SEE MASSIVE ZOGGIN’ REDUKSHUNS IN DA COST OF DEM POPULAR SHOOTAZ DEY CALL BIG SHOOTAZ. BIG SHOOTAZ.

WE IZ GONNA KRUMP DA PRICE OF SKORCHAZ, FER EXAMPLE, FROM MORE DAN A THOUSAND TEEF DOWN TA JUST 199 TEEF.

AN’ SNAZZGUNZ? MORE DAN 1,300 TEEF DOWN TA 199. NOBODY CAN EVEN BELIEVE IT. A 578% DIFFERENCE. ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE.

WE’Z BEEN VERY ’ELPFUL TA US GETTIN’ DIS FING DONE, IZ CUTTIN’ DA COST OF DA BIG SHOOTAZ FROM 200 TEEF TA 25 TEEF.

NOBODY CAN BELIEVE IT.

200 TEEF TA 25 TEEF.

WE IZ KRUMPIN’ DA PRICE OF A CHOPPA FROM 458 TEEF ALL DA WAY DOWN TA 51 TEEF. DAT’Z NEARLY AN 800% DIFFERENCE. ABSOLUTELY ’UGE.

IZ GONNA PLUMMET FROM DA ’IGHEST PRICE IN DA WORLD, DA PRICE WE’Z BEEN PAYIN’

I FORT I WUZ DOIN’ A GREAT JOB, BUT DIS... DIS IZ DA REALLY GREAT JOB. DERE AIN’T NEVER BEEN NUFFIN’ LIKE IT. NOBODY FORT IT WUZ EVEN POSSIBLE TA GET DIS DONE.

IT’Z DA BIGGEST FING TA ’APPEN IN, I RECKON, IN MANY, MANY DECADES.

UNDA DEZ AGREEMENTZ, DA BIGGEST MEK BOYZ IZ ALSO GONNA INVEST ’UNDREDS OF THOUSANDZ OF TEEF TA BRING FACTREZ ALL OVA DA PLANUT.

WE IZ BUILDIN’ SIX ZOGGIN’ PLANTZ, EACH ONE COSTIN’ MILLIONS AN’ MILLIONS OF TEEF. DAT MEANS JOBZ. EKONOMIK GROWF. FACTORIES OPENIN’. AN’ MUCH, MUCH GREATER DAKKA.

KONGRATULASHUNS TA YOO ON ALL DEM TEEF YER SAVIN’, ALRIGHT.

FANK YOO. FANK YOO VERY MUCH, EVERYBOY. APPRE-SHEE-ATE IT.

FANK YOO. FANK YOO VERY MUCH.

[u/Human-Question6210]

...WOT??

[u/New_Egg_384]

DIZ GIT JUS’ LET MY GROT BUY A DAKKA! WHAT AMAI ZUPOSE TO DO WHEN HE KRUMPS ME?! GROTZ AINT ZUPOSE TO AFFORD DAKKA! ONLY SHOOTA! I WANT A DAKKA-RIG! NOT ZUM DINKLY LIL’ PEA SHOOTA!

[u/Tastemysoupplz → u/New_Egg_384]

IF YA LET YER OWN GROT KRUMP YA IN A SCRAP DEN YA ZOGGIN’ DESERVED IT!

[u/MagicMissile27]

OI WHY IZ DIS GIT TALKIN SO MUCH? WE SHOULD BE OUT KRUMPIN HUMIES OR SOMEFINK, NOT TALKIN BOUT EKONA-EKON-HOW MUCH TEEF A CHOPPA COSTS!

[u/Tastemysoupplz → u/MagicMissile27]

DA MORE DAKKA YA GET FER EACH TOOF, DA MORE GITZ YA CAN KRUMP!

[u/MagicMissile27 → u/Tastemysoupplz]

OI MEAN...OI GUESS DAT MAKES SENSE!

punches nearby Ork, grabs handful of teef

TIME TA GET BUYIN DAKKA DEN

[u/Colonel_Cosmetic]

WE'Z BILDIN PLANUTZ? NOW DAT'S KUNIN, IF DERE ARN'T ENUF PLACES TA FOIT, MAKE MORE PLACES TA FOIT, I LIKE IT.

[u/Tastemysoupplz → u/Colonel_Cosmetic]

NOT PLANUTZ, YA GIT. PLANTZ! LIKE BIG ZOGGIN’ FACTORIES! BUT I LIKES WHERE YER BRAIN-BOX IS GOIN’. WE’LL PUT SOME BOYZ TA WORK ON DAT TOO.

[u/bigbongoflow]

OI I FINK I SEEN DIS GIT! IZ NAME IS ZOGALD KRUMP. EEZ A NO GUD SKYVIN’ PANSY DAT RUNS IZ STINKIN’ GOB ALL DAY AN HE DUNT EVEN KRUMP. EVERYFING DIS GIT SEZ IS RUBBISH! DUNT TRUST IM BOYZ!