Shoes not included

They all taste like diet Dr Pepper 😐

Some ass to die for.

Then came the woodpecker

Don't put your fate in the judges hands guy 🪱

Much to my chagrin, the only thing in my fridge was The Meal Which Nourishes Not.

Never used.

It was an evil apple :(

Harden My Weiner, Stiffen to Jork!

Imagine my surprise as she bought us plane tickets and drove us to the airport and booked our bags and took me to gate 23C and flew to Vienna connecting through CDG and took the train to Salzburg and took the bus out to the small town of Fucking, only to realize it had changed its name to Fugging because tourists kept stealing its signs, and then she stabbed me

I hate being the one to say how long they have left to live...( 50 years from now [at the ripe old age of 98] [[surrounded by family]] [[[gone sexual]]] )

“Ayyyy, I’m shootin’ you here,” said Mister Second Amendment (who was Italian), before shooting me with a gun and spitting on me.

This guy was in all the comments being like "His balls are only ornamental now but he'll be okay" like lmao we get it dude this is your fetish.

Just for some Bozo named Steve to rock up and pull it out of my ass.

She grabbed her harmonica and then pulled her pants down.

“No your not.” said Extra Sentence Guy.

"I am going to kill you" he said in a scary tone that made me die.

Little did I know, I would be called a nerd :(