F25 here. I’ve come a long way, and I wanted to share a few things I’ve learned along the way. Especially for those of you who are younger, still living at home, or struggling with guilt, shame and the feeling that you don’t really belong anywhere. Also this is gonna be a really long post.

1. If you want to take off your hijab, you can. But please think about your safety first.

You don’t owe anyone a hijab, and you shouldn’t have to justify your decision to stop wearing one.
But if you’re young, financially dependent on your parents, or living in an abusive or controlling household, please be careful. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is wait until you’ve moved out and can support yourself.
I know that’s not what everyone wants to hear. Waiting can feel incredibly unfair, especially when you see people around you living freely. But your safety comes first. You don’t have to prove how brave or independent you are by putting yourself in danger.

1. Stop carrying the shame of not being Muslim. You’re still Somali.
   This is something I really want to emphasise.

You haven’t betrayed your people. You haven’t betrayed your ethnicity. You are not any less Somali because you no longer believe in Islam.

A lot of us were raised in environments where religion was presented as the absolute truth from the moment we were born. We weren’t exactly encouraged to question it. And when something has been taught to you your entire life, it’s completely understandable that guilt and fear don’t just disappear when you stop believing.
I remember a friend once telling me that her imaan was low and she felt guilty about it, but that the guilt was actually a good thing because it meant Allah hadn’t given up on her. According to her, people who no longer felt guilty about being distant from Allah were the ones Allah had given up on.

Think about what that teaches a person. Even feeling at peace with your own disbelief becomes something to fear.

That kind of thinking can stay with you for years.

But you don’t need to feel guilty to be a good person. And you don’t need religion to have morals, compassion or a sense of purpose.

1. Please don’t replace one form of social control with another.
   This is something I think some of us need to hear.
   Just because you’ve left Islam doesn’t mean everyone else needs to.

If another woman wants to wear a hijab, niqab or burqa, let her. If someone finds happiness and meaning in religion, that’s their life. You don’t have to agree with their beliefs to respect their freedom to practise them.

I understand why religious clothing or certain traditions can bring up difficult feelings, especially if you were forced into them yourself. But your experience doesn’t automatically tell you what someone else’s experience is.

And social control isn’t exclusive to religion.

Even in Western societies, where individuality is celebrated, there are unwritten rules about how you’re supposed to look, behave and live. We’re told to be ourselves, but not too different. Be confident, but not arrogant. Be independent, but not selfish. Express yourself, but preferably in ways society finds acceptable.

Of course, this isn’t necessarily comparable to the coercion, threats or abuse some of us have experienced. The severity and consequences can be very different.
My point is that people everywhere are influenced by social expectations, and we should be conscious of that.

Freedom has to include the freedom to make choices we personally wouldn’t make.

1. Question the parts of our culture and upbringing that we’ve been taught to accept without thinking.
   I love being Somali, but that doesn’t mean I have to agree with every aspect of Somali culture.
   Question the idea that obedience to your parents should come before your own happiness. Question the shame attached to certain life choices. Question why family reputation sometimes seems to matter more than an individual’s wellbeing.
   You can love your parents and still disagree with them.
   You can appreciate the sacrifices they made and still choose a different life.
   You can respect your culture without accepting every expectation that comes with it.
   And please remember that gratitude is not the same as lifelong obedience.

You are your own person. Your life belongs to you.

1. You only get one life. Please don’t spend all of it living for other people.
   I know how difficult this can be.
   You might feel sorry for your parents because you know how deeply they believe. You might worry about disappointing your siblings, losing friends or hurting people who genuinely love you.
   You can have compassion for them. You can understand that their beliefs are deeply rooted in how they were raised, just like yours once were.

But you cannot live your entire life trying to protect everyone else from the discomfort of your choices.

And the same principle applies in reverse.
They have the right to believe. You have the right not to.
They have the right to live according to their religion. You have the right to live according to your own values.
Unfortunately, that respect won’t always go both ways. You might never get the acceptance you’re hoping for.

That’s painful, but you can only control your own actions. You cannot force people to understand you.

1. Financial independence matters more than you might realise.

I really want younger people to understand this.
I started working at 17 and moved out at 18. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is how important it is to save money, plan ahead and become financially independent.
I know it’s easier said than done, especially if you’re living somewhere expensive like London, or if you’re still in school.
But if moving out is your goal, start preparing for it as early as you safely can.

Get a job if you’re able to. Save what you can. Try to work as much as you reasonably can without sacrificing your education. Look into student accommodation, shared flats, scholarships and other opportunities.

You might have to accept a lower standard of living than you’d ideally want at first. You might need roommates. You might have to move to a cheaper city, or even consider another country if that’s a realistic option for you.

And that’s okay. You don’t need a beautiful apartment or a perfect lifestyle immediately. You need somewhere safe where you can start building your own life.

Ialso understand that not everyone can work or save, and that some people have much bigger obstacles than others. This isn’t about blaming anyone for being stuck.

It’s about preparing where you can.

Some of us don’t have the same family safety net that other young adults can rely on. Some of us know that making certain choices could mean losing financial support or even contact with our families.
That’s why having your own money, your own documents, and a realistic plan can make such a difference.

And please, think carefully about coming out as an ex-Muslim, queer, or anything else your family might strongly reject while you’re still dependent on them.
Ask yourself whether you’re safe, what the consequences might be, and whether waiting until you’re independent would be better for you.
You don’t owe anyone a public declaration of who you are. Living authentically doesn’t mean telling everyone everything about yourself.

1. Be patient and kind to yourself. It takes time.

Many of us were taught these beliefs from such a young age that they became part of how we understood ourselves and the world.
You might stop believing intellectually long before you stop feeling afraid emotionally.
You might still feel guilty about things you no longer believe are wrong. You might still catch yourself worrying about hell, judgement or disappointing your family.
That doesn’t mean you’re weak or that you’ve made the wrong decision.
Unlearning years of conditioning takes time. Sometimes years.

You don’t have to figure everything out immediately. You don’t have to have a perfect answer to every religious argument. You don’t have to turn being an ex-Muslim into your entire identity.
Give yourself permission to grow at your own pace.
And finally, a little about where I am now.

I’m 25, and I’ve come a long way.

I’m not particularly interested in publicly announcing that I’m an ex-Muslim. For me personally, it would create unnecessary drama, and I don’t feel the need to make my disbelief a central part of my identity.
What matters most to me is autonomy.
I want to live according to my own values, make my own decisions and build a life that I’m genuinely happy with.

And that’s what I’m doing.

But I won’t pretend there haven’t been consequences.
I don’t have many Muslim or Somali friends anymore. In some ways, I feel quite distant from my own culture, which is sad because being Somali is still part of who I am.

It’s difficult to feel connected to a community when you know that certain parts of your identity or life choices might not be accepted.
I wish it were different.

But I’ve also learned that belonging doesn’t have to mean fitting into the community you were born into. You might find other Somalis who understand you. You might find people from completely different backgrounds who become your family.
You will find your people, even if it takes time.

And I want to say one last thing: I understand that some of you are in situations far more difficult than mine. Some of you are still hiding, still financially dependent, still afraid of what might happen if your family finds out.

I don’t have all the answers, and I don’t want to pretend that becoming independent is easy.

But please don’t give up on the possibility of having a life that feels like your own.

You deserve the freedom to decide what you believe, who you love, what you wear and what kind of future you want.
And remember that the freedom you’re fighting for is also something you should extend to others.

Lastly: Don’t let being an ex-Muslim become your entire identity.

I understand the anger, resentment and even hatred some people feel towards Islam, especially if religion has caused them trauma or taken away parts of their freedom. Those feelings are valid, and everyone processes their experiences differently.

But I think it’s worth asking yourself something: if you spend so much of your time and energy hating Islam, arguing against it and thinking about everything that’s wrong with it, are you truly free from it? Or is it still controlling a huge part of your life, just in a different way?

There’s nothing wrong with criticising religion or speaking out against harmful practices. But don’t forget to actually live the life you fought so hard to have.

You are so much more than the religion you left behind.

Being a Somali ex-Muslim isn’t always easy. I see you, I understand more than you might think, and I’m rooting for you. ❤️

I've been developing an idea for a historical drama series set in an ancient Somali-inspired world, and I'd love to hear people's honest opinions about the concept.

The story follows a young man named Cawale, who grows up believing he is an ordinary villager, unaware that his past may be connected to a fallen kingdom and a legacy that was taken from his family.

His life begins to change when he stands up against soldiers who are mistreating people in his village. What seems like a simple act of courage gradually draws him into a much larger world of secrets, royal rivalries, betrayal, power struggles, and conflicts that could change the future of his people.

The world I'm imagining includes ancient Somali landscapes, traditional architecture and clothing, royal families, warriors, village life, complicated relationships between clans, love, loyalty, and the struggle for power.

I'm inspired by this type of storytelling, where the characters have their own ambitions, the political conflicts have real consequences, and nobody's story is entirely black and white. I want to create something with its own identity, rooted in Somali culture, history, and traditions.

I'm still developing the idea, so I'd really appreciate honest feedback.

Here are a few questions I'd love your opinions on:

\- Would a historical drama set in an ancient Somali world interest you?

\- Does Cawale's story sound compelling enough to carry a series?

\- What would make you interested in a show set in a culture you might not know much about?

\- What elements would you want to see most: political intrigue, warfare, family drama, romance, or cultural world-building?

\- What potential problems or weaknesses do you see in this concept?

I'm not looking for people to simply tell me it's a good idea. I'd genuinely like to hear what you think and what could make the concept stronger.

Thank you for reading!

I don't know if many people will relate, or if anybody would read this whole thing. I have never felt like i belonged. I don't believe in islam at all and i hate what it has done to the somali community. I hate that all of somalia is muslim, and i hate that people are so brainwashed that they can't even see a life outside this religion.

I know that it's a coping mechanism, or maybe it's a lack of educational access to other perspectives, but i am so tired of seeing people do mental gymnastics to believe in this religion that is doing nothing but hold the country back.

Luckily i was not born in somalia, but i am so angry and sad to see the state that it is in, and how religion is keeping it behind. The religious extremism is such a cult, and even somalis in the west still hold onto it so much that they can't even see how much it's holding them back. I am just feeling really frustrated and i really hate how people associate all somali people with being muslim. THAT IS NOT TRUE. I will never be muslim, i will never be religious. I wonder if there are people out there who feel the way i do, because i have always felt like the odd one out for never feeling religious.

I hope that one day the younger generation in somalia changes things, and one day somalia will not be a muslim majority. Maybe then, that country will actually progress

“You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the system, that they will fight to protect it.”

~ Morpheus, The Matrix.

Hello,

I hope you are all doing well. I was pescatarian for about 1.5-2 yrs when I was younger, and I lost a ton of weight, muscle, hair, nutrients, my iron stores especially were depleted.

Not to mention, I didn’t eat much Somali food. Does anyone have any cultural recipes that don’t use meat? Any recipes outside of cultural food that you enjoy are welcome as well. Bonus points if they are iron/protein rich. Outside of canjeelo and malawax lol.

Thank you!

I will NEVER put that shit on again! EVER

I feel suicidal just thinking about it💀 I seriously don’t know how i survived for so many years

I honestly never never wanted to put it on but I'm the youngest in my family and I feel pressure from everyone. I want to take it off SO Bad but they're all abusive and I'm scared of them (I know I'm a coward) and also financially dependent on them. I know if any of them physically hurts me over this, my mom will be on their side. I'm already lonely and isolated and have no friends so they're pretty much all I have. I'm scared of being ostracised by them but I also have to be my own person and stand up for myself. Would you take off hijab in my case? Should I wait until I move out or move abroad? I admire the women that take it off sooo much and I wish everyday I had the courage to do so

Why do they care soo much like its none of ur business??!!

I am a 22-year-old guy and I still live with my mother. I think she knows deep down that I am not a Muslim anymore, but instead of confronting me directly, she keeps trying to antagonize me by making comments and bringing up religion in everything. Almost as if to see how I will react. I pretty much always argue against religion and I think she has noticed. I do not pray at all and haven't done so in years. I do fast during Ramadan, but that's just for community/cultural reasons. I don't go to Taraweeh, for example.

She had stopped asking about it for a while, but she started again recently because I naturally wake up early in the morning (around 4–5 am), which happens to be Fajr time here in Sweden. Both she and my aunt have made remarks over the years about how I wake up at Fajr time on my own but still refuse to pray, but recently my mother refuses to let it go. She even made me watch some sheikh talking about young people becoming atheists (as usual, he blamed Western schools). Now more than ever, she keeps bringing up religion and God. She never straight-up forces me to pray, but the passive-aggressive comments are so irritating. I am also really bad at lying and holding my tongue, so it's hard for me not to say what I really think.

Now she's planning to set up calls with sheikhs so they can help me "clear my doubts," but I don't just have "doubts" about Islam, I straight-up do not believe in it. I have even explicitly told her that I do not want to pray, nor do I plan on living the religious life she lives. I have basically said everything short of "I am not a Muslim anymore," but I don't know if I should just explicitly tell her. My current plan is to keep it to myself at least until I come back from my exchange next summer.

My parents’ religiosity actually sickens me. My mom is so far gone there’s actually no saving her. All she knows is religion. You can’t have a decent conversation with this woman without her spewing some religious bs. She’s somehow found a way to turn my dad more misogynistic than he already is. Im still appalled over what this nigga just said to me. Got me feeling like an afghani woman istg🤦🏽‍♀️. My mom genuinely wants me to live like im under the rule of the fucking taliban. She’s always telling me to not leave the house without a mahram. In the big 26?? I was in proper disbelief when I watched the breadwinner little did i know that I would be living in a similar dystopia a few years later. Thankfully Im currently away at a relative’s and kinda free from the barbaric rules they have set for me. Wouldn’t even be able to leave the house with just lip tint if they had their way. My dad actually makes you change your clothes if he can smell the perfume off you when leaving the house fucking kill me already.
I can’t rebel yet since id risk losing a key factor to my independence. I was willing to live a double life even when im finally independent just to avoid heartbreaking them because of how much they value religion but wallahi fuck that.

Heyy im in search of advice particularly for people with 3c or 4a hair (but anyone with any hairtype is welcome to amswer!) How did you guys adjust to the change? Ive worn my hair out once at night and it felt greaaat but i still live under my parents roof in a somali neighbourhood where everyone knows me, in a city thats not big enough to have somewhere that would guarantee nobody knows you, so im not really planning to fully take it off until i move out just to avoid any problems.

I feel like i dont know how to do my hair because the only hairstyle i ever did was a low bun or braid and then slap on a scarf, so i didnt really take care of my curls. I shouldve been looking after my hair but young naive me was like whats the point if nobodys gonna see it 😭 Let me know if you had a similar struggle and how you overcame it! Thanks for reading my first post in this community, i recently realised i was ex muslim and agnostic so im glad theres this community ❤️

This lady has truely went through hell and back with these nutcases, I truely wish a miserable life for the evil folks at somalispot that started this nasty rumor.

Like how much bullying, mockery and intimidation can a human being tolerate, I’ve even heared her kids got intimated. Anyways, I wish her the best miskiinta.

NB Sorry for the rant!!

Hi everyone,

I’m a young women currently in Somalia and looking for someone in Canada who can guide me toward a legal pathway to Canada. If you have experience with this or know someone who can help, please DM me.

Thank you ❤️

Just recently became an antinalislt after realizing death really makes this life very meanginless im not depressed at all since thats what people tend to assume when you mention topics like this but its just a natural relaiziton i got

Ive lived they way I wanted to but it still feels meaningless, like this whole life thing just seems far too pointless to drag another life too that never asked for any of this

others, Im having this relzatizn while im sipping some tim hortons btw lol maybe its the coffee

Yo i finally made it to Canada, i’m free now, i don’t have to fear for my life if people find out I’m EX.

Alhamdulilaah 😂😂

I posted in this reddit before. I was the girl that came out as an ex-muslim to my parents they didn't take it mentally and physically well at all so i went back to being muslim(not really) again. Anyway its been a month everything went back to normal sort've. My parents tiptoe around me but they seem ok now. They bombard me with more religious nonsense then usual.

I'm miserable though and I know I can just leave but I don't want to hurt my parents again. I know a couple of you were insistent they were faking it but I don't think thats the case. They genuinely seem to believe in hell and they've talked to my about the nightmares they had about me burning in hell and whatnot.

I honestly feel like if I was able to not wear the hijab or just move out and do my own thing I could cope with faking being muslim for the rest of my life. However my parents just dont want to meet me halfway. I thought perhaps they could accept me moving out at least but no they're guilt tripping me and saying I don't love them if I move out. They said they would only let me move out if I marry someone but I dont want to be tied down to a man.They make me feel like I'm this awful human being for wanting my own life away from them. Im just so lost and confused. Does anyone have any advice for dealing with them? I'm worried that when I finally graduate I wont move out due to them. :(

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZN8B57YeK/

Thought I’d share this here as well. They looked so handsome and dapper.

They’ve barely accepted that i took off the hijab, especially my dad, but something that keeps me up at night is the fear that they will find out what lifestyle i live. I’m 21 years old, aka grown, but for some reason i can’t let go of this fear. It’s eating my alive.

I am 61 🔄 and left Islam at 51 🔄. I still find myself praying to Allah when nervous or angry, and listening to Quran to calm down. I agree it’s a coping mechanism but I’ve just been so stressed out with the fact that Islam is untrue because it’s such a big part of my family and my life. I went out without my hijab and styled my hair the other day and it was such a weird feeling. I get angry with Islam but I just wanted to ask, is Islam ever going to stop being such a big part of my life? I don’t want to feel angry, sad, fearful; I just want to feel indifferent towards the religion just like how I feel towards Christianity or Judaism.

I’m almost 18, born and raised in America, and my mom grew up here too and has never been back to Somalia. I never really grew up around our relatives, so I find her strictness confusing, especially because the few relatives I’ve interacted with here in America seem pretty chill and not that religious.

My mom has always been extremely strict about how me and my sisters dress. Just a few years ago she wouldn’t even let me leave the house without wearing those long ass jilbabs 😭. She claims other hijab styles were inappropriate because they “exposed the chest.” I eventually started wearing wrap around hijabs, but she still won’t let me wear anything with patterns, bright colors, or chiffon hijabs. I have to wear an abaya whenever I leave the house, and she says it can’t have too much design on it, and she wont let me wear skirts either! She constantly comments on my appearance, telling me to pull my hijab down, wipe off my lip gloss, or take off my mascara. I could be fully covered from head to toe, and she’ll still stare me up and down like I’m doing something wrong. I feel like she’s more concerned about how people perceive me and my sisters than anything else. We’re not even that religious beyond praying and doing Quran, so I don’t understand why she puts so much emphasis on our appearance. I’ve asked her about wearing traditional cultural clothes before, but she says we don’t do that. I’ve always thought diracs were so beautiful and wanted to wear one, but NOOO they’re way too colorful and inappropriate even if it's an all girls weddings 😭😭😭 . Anyways with this strict dress code there’s no point in trying to change clothes when I leave the house because i'm not allowed to go outside by myself. I don’t drive yet, and even if i did I would always have to go with my mom or one of my siblings, and one of them would definitely snitch on me

It’s not just about clothing, either. I feel like my mom has isolated me my whole life. I was never allowed to have social media, had no friends growing up, and did online school, so I hardly got to socialize. I ended up developing anxiety and struggling with depression, and for the longest time, I genuinely thought this was all normal. Because I was so sheltered, I never really got the chance to build friendships or experience things other people my age did. I finally took an in-person college course a while ago and started getting along with a girl in my class. We planned to get a treat together after our finals, but when I told hooyo, she said I had to cut her off afterward. She's always talking about how we can’t trust people and hates the word “friend.” Sometimes I wonder if something happened to her when she was younger that made her see the world this way, because I don’t understand why she’s so afraid of us experiencing life. I also can't help but wonder if think her end goal is to keep us sheltered until she marries us off. It’s so weird to me that she refuses let my older sister out after dark yet she'd let her move away half way around the world with a random guy and be completely okay with it which makes me question this whole "saftey" thing. I’ve tried reasoning with her about everything, but she always shuts the conversation down and say's, “My house, my rules.”

The thing is, my mom isn’t like your typical Somali mom. She’s pretty modern and always talks about how our culture takes away women’s rights and how women deserve better, yet she enforces all these extreme rules on me and my sisters. She’s genuinely sweet in a lot of ways, which makes it hard to understand how she can be so strict and controlling at the same time. She believes everything she does is to protect us and that the dress code is because of the deen. I love her, but I find it so contradictory that she talks about women’s rights while restricting so much of my life. Thank God I don’t have a brother because I just KNOW the double standards would be insane.

I always told myself I’d move out when I got older, but now that I’m almost 18, I’m honestly scared. I feel like I’ve been sheltered for so long that I don’t know how to navigate the real world. I want to make friends, have independence, and make choices for myself but I don’t even know where to start!! Sometimes I wonder if I should just keep swallowing my feelings like I’ve been doing for years and hope things get better when I’m older. I know I wouldn’t move out without saving enough money and having a stable job, but honestly, even if I had the finances, I don’t know if I could bring myself to do it 💔💔💔💔. I love my family so much, and they’re the only people I really have. I don’t want to lose them or eventually have to choose between having my own life and keeping my family. GOSH I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

I don’t really have any Somali friends and all the Somali girls I’m are Muslim and tbh I’m sick of only having Muslim friends but I want some ok I can relate to culturally if that makes sense.

If you go on Twitter you’ll see her getting racism from white superacists accounts saying she’s not British, Somali’s shouldn’t be in parliament, somali’s do cousin marriage (???) and then on the other side there’s Muslim men and women both South Asian and Arab harassing her because they think she’s not sufficiently pro-Palestine enough (she holds the mainstream two state solution Labour view on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and that’s the party she’s representing). The British Muslims attacking her are South Asian. They people don’t harass the Home Secretary or the London Mayor (both South Asian Muslim) who arrest pro-Palestinian protestors but they have all the smoke for the ONLY Somali MP who literally has no power as a NEW MP versus the Home Secretary (who’s in charge of arrests and deportations) and the London Mayor. Hmm I wonder why is that? 🤔

There are no black or Muslim organizations defending her or congratulating her win as a Milestone. The only ones who are defending her white liberals. I have included screenshots showing her being attacked from all sides. Normally these sides would be against each other. But when it comes to attacking a somali woman they come together.