Stop inviting me to your wedding after party

[u/Archi_penko]

I’m tired of being treated like a C list friend and getting invited to only the wedding after party. Just don’t invite us! I got a text last week inviting me to the bar at 10:30pm after the full wedding has ended. So you want me to show up when you all are drunk and tired and dressed up? I find this trend to be rude, just don’t invite me!

Edit: this has happened twice to me. Once, I flew to another city only to realize I was invited to JUST the dancing, arriving after dinner had been served.

The second, I got a text a few days to come to a dive bar at 10:30pm after the ceremony and reception. I also happened to invite this person to my wedding earlier in the year, not that that entitles me to anything.

[u/turBo246]

I have never personally been invited to only an after party.

The closest I've gotten to this was a guy I was seeing was invited to go to the reception hall after the speeches were done to enjoy the party portion of the reception, and they said he could bring me.

But to get married, have the full reception, and then tell other people who were not invited to any portion of the wedding to join you at a bar, is....so weird....

Honestly, I think it would depend on the relationship to the person as to what my reaction would be to this. Like if it were a coworker, I would probably just tell them to have fun and I'll see them and listen to their stories the next time we worked together.

If it were someone I considered a friend, I probably wouldn't interact with them after that. If I'm not good enough to come to the wedding, I don't need to be an after thought.

[u/Annual_Astronomer918 → u/turBo246]

In the case where my partners "close childhood friend" invited us to the after party and not the wedding, I just can't take that friend seriously anymore, I'm polite when I see them and that is about it.

[u/thatgirlinny → u/Annual_Astronomer918]

Oh please let that disgust come dribbling out at an opportune moment some time. I beg of you!

[u/gurlysoftmist → u/turBo246]

yeah, I’d feel the same way tbh. Being treated like an afterthought by someone you consider a friend would hurt

[u/Blue_Eyed_Devi → u/gurlysoftmist]

You know what’s worse? Know the date of the wedding for 2 years, and not getting an invitation until the week before because someone from the A+ list cancelled at the last moment.

I mean, we still went but it did feel like we were the backup guests. If we hadn’t known about the wedding for 2 years, and the bride hadn’t said “I’m so glad so and so couldn’t make it so we were able to invite you” then it would have been fine and just had the feeling we were backup guests but because of those two things it was confirmed.

[u/turBo246 → u/Blue_Eyed_Devi]

Sorry, but if you don't want to be a backup friend, then don't allow yourself to be a backup friend.

I personally would not have attended, and I would have told them why.

Being invited to a wedding one week before the date is confirmation of being a backup. It wouldn't have "been a feeling" because people don't do that.

[u/terisews → u/turBo246]

Agreed! I will not be your back up invite. I am ok not being invited at all because I know things are expensive, but I don't want to be a back up.

[u/Blue_Eyed_Devi → u/turBo246]

Actually, we went because it was going to be a fantastic party (and it was!) but guess what, we haven’t spoken to the couple since and this was way back in 2018

[u/thatgirlinny → u/Blue_Eyed_Devi]

And now you have it confirmed where your friendship really lies.

[u/thatgirlinny → u/Blue_Eyed_Devi]

That’s just gross. My response is, “No, thanks. Busy!”

[u/thatgirlinny → u/turBo246]

God that sounds tacky AF. No seing the wedding or hearing the speeches? Must be paying a flat fee for the bar and DJ.

I’d be absolutely offended with such an invitation.