r/weddingshaming • u/Archi_penko • 5d ago

Cringe Stop inviting me to your wedding after party

I’m tired of being treated like a C list friend and getting invited to only the wedding after party. Just don’t invite us! I got a text last week inviting me to the bar at 10:30pm after the full wedding has ended. So you want me to show up when you all are drunk and tired and dressed up? I find this trend to be rude, just don’t invite me!

Edit: this has happened twice to me. Once, I flew to another city only to realize I was invited to JUST the dancing, arriving after dinner had been served.

The second, I got a text a few days to come to a dive bar at 10:30pm after the ceremony and reception. I also happened to invite this person to my wedding earlier in the year, not that that entitles me to anything.

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u/Emma172 5d ago

It's quite common to have a separate set of "evening guests" in the UK. I personally don't like the concept but it's not unusual

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u/Sixforsilver7for 5d ago

I’ve been an evening guest to a couple of weddings. It’s usually friends of friends you’d see at parties but wouldn’t hang out one on one or colleagues. I like it cos you get to have a party and don’t have to get too dressed up or buy a gift.

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u/spacecoyote555 5d ago

Yeah but not starting at 10:30pm 😅

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u/wickedkittylitter 5d ago

And there's food provided in the UK for the evening guests.

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u/Emma172 5d ago

Yeah you're right. A 7 or 8pm arrival is common

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u/quaylalikedelilah 5d ago

That's what an after party is, late at night

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u/Raccoonsr29 5d ago

But they were talking about evening guests to come to just the reception, not the after party

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u/[deleted] 5d ago

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u/Bi_Steve_83 5d ago

In the UK tradition the dinner is not the reception, the dinner is just a formal dinner, and thus a bit of a stuffy affair. The wedding traditionally was early morning, the meal basically directly after, and so something closer to brunch time wise. Then everyone retired for a bit to rest and changed from formal morning dress to formal evening dress.

Reception with dancing and music and bar service and such, more of a party, that would be later.

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u/External_Survey8400 5d ago

I really like it for people I'm not super close to. Get to skip the speeches etc and just have a party

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u/FionaGoodeEnough 5d ago

That’s so interesting. In the US, the afterparty is for people you are closer to. They were at the wedding and you still aren’t tired of them, and you have been waiting for elderly relatives and colleagues and parents’ friends to leave so you can really let loose.

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u/primalprincess 5d ago

Yes here in the US the after party is the best part, it's only the people who can hang late AKA the fun ones!

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u/IndigoTJo 3d ago

Hah! Yeah we drug the keg to our house after ours and had some fun with our closest 10-15 friends. Was a fun time.

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u/mettyc 1d ago

I think we might have more of a drinking culture in the UK - my elderly relatives and parents' friends certainly let loose!

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u/PhotographSad6053 5d ago

Perfect description! 👏🤣

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u/External_Survey8400 5d ago

That is interesting! I went to a wedding a few weeks ago, there were 30 of us for the ceremony and meal, then another 30 or so joined at 7pm for the dancing! I've been to a few as an evening guest - mostly coworkers that I would go on a night out with but I don't know their family.

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u/Dajmibuzi_dzieki 5d ago

The after party is not the dancing part of the reception. It’s the part after the wedding venue closes at 10 and all the people that are close friends or younger drinking age family find a bar and get more drinks and try to find drunk food.

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u/External_Survey8400 4d ago

Oh that's mental that you would invite someone to that separately. In the UK the venues close at midnight or 1am and that's when the night ends generally.

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u/hereforlulziguess 4d ago

Lots of venues in the US are open until midnight or 1am, so this reads as unusual to me as well. I've certainly gone to weddings where we kept celebrating after the reception portion at the venue was over, usually at bars, but that's different than what's being described.

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u/FionaGoodeEnough 5d ago

I think even when we divide it up, the ceremony is one thing, and then the dancing and meal are the reception. We’re generally pretty loose with ceremony invitations, because the receptions are where the caterers need headcounts in advance. My reception was adults-only, but I told parents that could bring their kids to the ceremony if they wanted to. Some did.

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u/Remarkable-Row3719 5d ago

Don't have to take the day off either!

(And, as colleagues are usually invited as evening guests, it also stops the boss from having his entire team wanting the same day off. Lol.)

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u/a-ohhh 5d ago

You guys get married on weekdays?

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u/ulose2piranha 5d ago

Friday weddings are not uncommon. Obviously Saturday is the standard, but — as someone in the wedding industry — I'd say that Friday weddings are much more common than Sunday weddings. It allows people time to recover and possibly get together for brunch on Saturday and then travel on Sunday (when all rested) for out of town guests or if the couple is going on a honeymoon.

I have also done the rare wedding in the middle of the week. That's usually because the date is very important to the couple and happens to land on a Wednesday. Every once in a while, the couple has their heart set on a specific popular venue and the only openings are off-days.

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u/Remarkable-Row3719 5d ago

Friday is the most popular day here; Monday and Tuesday still beat Saturdays and almost nobody marries on Sunday.

https://www.cbs.nl/nl-nl/visualisaties/dashboard-bevolking/levensloop/trouwen

(The pink heat table is for weddings, the blue heat table for registered partnership.)

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u/axbosh 5d ago

Some people work at the weekend

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u/knittedbeast 5d ago

I got married midweek! That's when the registry office had free slots.

Registry office in their 'big' room that seated 50 people, then the after party in a room that could handle a couple hundred.

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u/SpecialistTime6248 4d ago

Yes. But the after wedding party would start around 19:30. Not 22;30. Bonkers. Often for work colleagues etc.

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u/subcommunitiesonly 1d ago

Just getting a UK vibe check: my fiancee and I are getting married next year on a Friday, and we are planning a smaller more intimate wedding of 40-ish guests, and then opening up the after party (band, Dj, food, drinks) for 8pm to our extended friends. Is that pretty common or is it seen as rude?

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u/ayeayefitlike 15h ago

Totally common. We had 90 at ours and another 40 at night - mainly cousins and their partners, work colleagues and parents’ friends. I’ve been to a lot of wedding receptions myself where I didn’t attend the full day.

But you’d expect to be arriving at like 7-8pm, and there til midnight or later, and get fed some kind of evening food (hog roast, buffet, food trucks etc are common).

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u/antique_velveteen 13h ago

One of my cousins got married a few years back and we only got an invite to the dance. It was at 8pm over an hour away. I didn't even acknowledge the invite. Still not sorry lol

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u/ayeayefitlike 12h ago

I mean, if you’re UK, that wasn’t rude of them at all.

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u/antique_velveteen 12h ago

I'm in the US - I was understanding the context of it being normal in the UK. Here it's normal for those invites to go out to distant family, coworkers, and other ancillary people but not family you see pretty routinely.

There's history behind this, and it was absolutely a pointed snub. I was the only one of our small cousin crew that was excluded from the main events. Her point was made. We avoid her for the most part now. Lol

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u/tinatspoon 1d ago

It’s pretty common.

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u/thatgirlinny 1d ago

Very common. But it’s definitely the space of younger friends, not long out of university, for whom a whole day of events might be spendy or considered too formal.

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u/tigerspots 22h ago

Big difference inviting people to a party at 8 vs 10:30.

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u/Emma172 21h ago

Yeah that's absolutely fine

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u/Bumbleberrypie46 3d ago

I've heard of it with Dutch weddings. I don't really know how to feel about it

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u/Key-Worldliness-3372 23h ago

It seems very accepted at Dutch weddings.

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u/Real_Foundation810 4d ago

Usually there is a buffet for people to be fed. It just seems this is just an after thought and a bit of a cheek.

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u/JCannaday3 2d ago

Yes. I experienced the same in Ireland.