r/weddingshaming • u/Archi_penko • 5d ago

Cringe Stop inviting me to your wedding after party

I’m tired of being treated like a C list friend and getting invited to only the wedding after party. Just don’t invite us! I got a text last week inviting me to the bar at 10:30pm after the full wedding has ended. So you want me to show up when you all are drunk and tired and dressed up? I find this trend to be rude, just don’t invite me!

Edit: this has happened twice to me. Once, I flew to another city only to realize I was invited to JUST the dancing, arriving after dinner had been served.

The second, I got a text a few days to come to a dive bar at 10:30pm after the ceremony and reception. I also happened to invite this person to my wedding earlier in the year, not that that entitles me to anything.

3.0k Upvotes
  • permalink
  • reddit

97% Upvoted

382 comments sorted by

View all comments

20

u/whatsthefussallabout 5d ago

I think this depends where you are. An "afters" invitation is common in ireland/uk where the wedding usually starts around 2pm and goes on until 12am - 2am ish. Tends to be extended family (cousins and the like) or work colleagues you aren't that close to, who live locally would get invited to that part (usually starts around 9pm after the meal). Its less common these days as people travel further from home for weddings and its bad form to give an afters only invite but expect them to travel. There also wouldnt be any presents expected. Its just more people to come and have fun with that you otherwise probably couldn't afford to invite.

21

u/buddy0813 5d ago

I think OP is talking about being invited to the bar after all of that is over.

2

u/whatsthefussallabout 5d ago

Ah right, thats not a thing here. The time threw me as some weddings here might not start the "afters" until nearly that time

6

u/Neuvirths_Glove 5d ago

That's not a thing in the US either, to my knowledge.

6

u/buddy0813 5d ago

I think OP is talking about being invited to the bar after all of that is over.

9

u/Which_Loss6887 5d ago

I was recently invited to an after-party in the States, and am a little baffled at how offended some people here seem about this concept. I have no cause for complaint or feeling slighted. The bride had been my neighbor for a couple years; we had hung out a few times and were friendly, but not close. She meanwhile had a huge extended family, both she and her now-husband are social butterflies with a ton of close friends, and the venue for their ceremony and reception/dinner only held about 150 people, which is a number they hit easily. So some local friends who weren’t as close got invited to join up at the bar after. There was a buffet, an open bar for the first hour or so, and they hired a really good local band to play. No gifts/money expected. It was a fun time.

10

u/SuitIllustrious7324 5d ago

In your situation, I understand why you wouldn’t be offended by that invitation. OP’s situation sounds different though. Could you imagine spending money to travel to another city and not being invited to the actual reception and just dancing and not be aware of it? That is not OK.

4

u/Which_Loss6887 5d ago

Yeah, that clarification to OP’s post came after I read it. The first situation they describe is…woof. I still wouldn’t be offended by the second situation, though, not unless I was like part of a tight friend group where everyone else got invited to the full thing except for me. But there seem to be a lot of people in the comments making strident negative assumptions about these types of situations that aren’t warranted, imo.

6

u/goldgoldfish 4d ago

the event you describe (buffet, one hour of open bar, hired a band) is not what OP was invited to, and OP describes these people as friends, not a casual acquaintance like your neighbor. so your situation is pretty different.

this is before we get into cultural norms and that what's considered rude is not uniform across the globe.

1

u/terisews 4d ago

This is different. This after the "afters." After the dinner and dancing is over, people head out to a bar. Bridal couple provides nothing for "guests" at this point.