r/weddingshaming • u/bitchybarbie82 • Jul 15 '25

Dressed like a Bride I went to someone else’s wedding dressed like the Bride

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This was years ago but I had to share the story where I was tragically shame worthy.

I attended an Indian Wedding in the United States as a +1 to a very good friend who was going through a bad breakup and didn’t want to be around his Ex, her family, and her friends alone (same community, no way to avoid each other). Generally in Indian weddings, especially lavish ones, there’s NO WAY to upstage the Bride… But no one told me that the Bride had decided to forgo Indian attire and wear traditionally Western bridal wear. The ceremony was a small intimate, gathering between the bride, groom, and they’re immediate families. Most of us were only invited to the reception, which was MUCH LARGER with about 250 people.

We arrived about 20 mins late to the reception because of an accident near the George Washington Bridge. So there we were, entering about 10 mins after the Bride and Groom…. And me in my big puffy, WHITE AND BLUSH, very bridal looking dress. So horribly awkward that every woman who got near me glared like they wished I’d disappear. Believe me, I wanted to. I tried to stay in my seat as much as possible and only get up for things like toasts or to use the bathroom. It was so obviously Bridal looking that when I was exiting the bathrooms an old man said “oh excuse me, I didn’t know there was more than one wedding taking place here today”. I eventually told my friend it was best I left because the Bride didn’t deserve to feel disrespected. I asked my friend to please get her mailing information so that I could send her a big gift as my way of saying sorry and she told him “No Thanks”.

Even though it wasn’t on purpose, that day, I was definitely TA

Pic for reference

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

This is actually a chole lehenga chosen by a different friend for me to wear to Her wedding, I thought I’d get extra use out of it since it’s not the same friend group. This is not even close to over the top for Indian weddings.

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u/pondan Jul 15 '25

I think I'm the mirror image of your story! I'm Black and married to an Indian guy and had a dual Western/ Indian wedding. But I chose a blue Saree for the Western ceremony because the whole white dress idea never seemed to fit me. My sisters wore orange Lehengas at my request but all the Indian women wore blue Sarees. Because who would wear blue as a bride?!

10 years later and I can laugh it off, and I appreciate how much red is the color for special events. But in my family wedding photos it's definitely hard to tell who the bride is.

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

I just saw the most beautiful blue sarees on Aisha Rao, I bet you were gorgeous!!

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u/KillTheBoyBand Jul 15 '25

You might wanna throw this as an edit on the OP before you get a million questions. People don't always know that what looks bridal to the western world won't remotely look bridal in another context and I doubt most commenter's know this was a chole lehenga. Some might have thought you just grabbed a blush formal gown and called it a day.

You just so happen to get hit with the worst cross-cultural luck in the world 🥺

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u/Kingsdaughter613 Jul 15 '25

I thought the bared midrif made it obvious, honestly. That’s very famously an Indian wedding style.

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u/KillTheBoyBand Jul 15 '25

I thought so too but she's gotten so many comments of people losing their mind saying she shouldn't wear this kind of outfit to any wedding ever to err on the side of caution. Which is the most American-centric mentality ever 💀💀 like girl, nobody cares about western etiquette rules when attending an Indian wedding. I doubt any of these commentors avoid wearing red to weddings on the off-chance there's people from a culture where red is the traditional bridal color. OP had no way to know what context she was walking into!

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25 edited Jul 15 '25

I think I forgot how little many people know outside their own cultures.

I get it though, I looked rude and I still cringe… so I’m sharing my pain for the world to cringe with me

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u/blissfully_happy Jul 15 '25

The bride had to have understood, though? It’s an Indian wedding, ffs! It makes sense that you were wearing a dress you had previously worn to another Indian wedding.

This is a completely understandable mistake. And how are you upstaging the bride? You’re still not actually the bride.

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u/Ladymistery Jul 15 '25

oh dear

what a miscommunication!

for what it's worth, that lehengha is lovely, and truly understated for a traditional Indian wedding.

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u/ladylondonderry Jul 15 '25

But hey, you got to go to an Indian wedding! Two, even! I bet the food was phenomenal. You're living the dream.

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

I’ve very luckily been to a lot since many of my friends in the US are Indian. Where I live in Mexico we also get dressed our best for weddings. I actually just donated a bunch to a place that gives them out for prom for lower income students.

Edit: I didn’t get food that night because I shuffled out but I love Indian food

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u/blissfully_happy Jul 15 '25

I’m dying to see the front of this dress. And where do you live in Mexico?!? Was this an Indian wedding in Mexico because that’s a minefield of cultural bombs, lol.

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

No this was in NYC. I live in CDMX

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u/blissfully_happy Jul 15 '25

I love it. I sincerely love the tulle layers in your skirt. I would be delighted if someone wore that to my wedding, I’m so sorry to you feel so awkward about this. Hopefully it’s a funny story to the bride now.

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u/KillTheBoyBand Jul 15 '25

I'm an immigrant who became an American, and boy are we special when it comes to thinking the world revolves around us. I'm not amazed but still annoyed people don't understand other cultures celebrating their own events wouldn't remotely care about what Americans consider "inappropriate" 🙃 it ain't applicable people.

This time it was, cuz bad luck!

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u/uncontainedsun Jul 15 '25

to the point that they even insist “americans” mean them! there’s so many countries in the americas and embarrassingly for them, the US has co-opted the word 😭

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u/KillTheBoyBand Jul 15 '25

I mean. This I don't get. I'm an immigrant from a country in South America and I was never offended or annoyed Americans called themselves Americans. It's literally the name of the country. The name of my birth country didn't have "America" anywhere on it so it's not applicable, the continent isn't what I'm referring to when I'm talking about nationality.

No one co-opted the word and I don't get why it would be embarassing 🤔 Mexicans/Cubans/Brazilians/Canadians/etc don't want to be called Americans just because they live in the Americas.

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u/Dwynfal Jul 15 '25

I'm Canadian and I wholeheartedly concur!

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u/okaybutnothing Jul 15 '25

Another Canadian who agrees. Do NOT call us American.

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u/Famous-Upstairs998 Jul 15 '25

It's literally the name of the country. Sure, people from the US think everything revolves around them, but to use the name of the country to refer to its citizens is hardly radical and what pretty much every other country does.

Is it only acceptable to use the term "United States of Americans" or what????

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u/QuietlyCreepy Jul 15 '25

We're still Americans. There's just a terminally online segment that likes to get bent out of shape over a country's short form name.

It springs from the Spanish language not translating 100% to English.

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u/garfieldatemydad Jul 15 '25

I get what you’re trying to say but many people that aren’t from the US refer to people who live in the US as Americans. Even in many European languages people from the us are typically referred to as Americans.

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u/cloudiedayz Jul 15 '25

I think if it’s an Indian wedding in the US though it could go both ways. Brides could go either the traditional Indian route or some do go more western style, as was the case here exactly. I also live in a western country and have been to several Indian weddings- I think 2/3 the bride has only worn Indian style and the other third they’ve either worn western style or had outfit changes to incorporate both styles.

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u/last_rights Jul 15 '25

I thought that even American etiquette was no white, no black, no red.

No red I thought was kind of old fashioned because it was considered too sexy of a color, white is obvious, and black because it's for funerals.

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u/whimsylea Jul 15 '25

White is the one everyone knows. I've only very rarely heard people include black or red, and that has exclusively been on Reddit, in conversations like this one. Black is used for funerals, but is also widely used for dressing nice in general, like men's suits & LBDs, plus black-tie is a dress code used sometimes. I feel the last time I heard someone say red was also an issue, they framed it as both old-fashioned & Southern.

I imagine it can vary a lot by the region, class, culture, & individual. I guess when in doubt, people can always ask.

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u/SnooPets8873 Jul 15 '25

Here’s the thing, we may have different expectations but we aren’t ignorant or pushovers - if you walk into the reception at a desi wedding in a western wedding gown? We will know and think you are rude af.

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u/Jodie-s-way Jul 15 '25

I think there was absolutely a way for her to figure it out just by asking. And any color but white and red perhaps? Lol. I understand but I’m still triggered lol so I guess op got her wish it’s so cringe 😬.

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u/GullibleWineBar Jul 15 '25

Sounds like she was a somewhat last-minute +1 and opted to wear a look that would traditionally be appropriate for a guest at an Indian wedding. She just happened to go to the Indian wedding of a bride who opted to go for Western white. If her friend was aware that it was more Western, he didn't tell her, and it's unclear if she had anyone else to ask.

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u/prosthetic_memory Jul 15 '25

OP said elsewhere she'd worn it to another Indian wedding. Her friend the bride had picked it out. I think the only white part is the trim.

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u/GullibleWineBar Jul 15 '25

Yeah. It's definitely more blush than pure white, but still in that pale bridal realm. Plenty of brides go for a more blush look.

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u/prosthetic_memory Jul 15 '25

Right, but a bride wearing white would almost certainly not wearing a lehenga. And vice versa, a bride wearing a lehenga would almost never wear white, because white is associated with death and not worn at those weddings.

You've got the rare case like someone posted below, where they deliberately wore a white lehenga with a very western vibe bc it was a cross-cultural wedding. But I assume that's about as common as a Western bride wearing a silk kelly green ballgown as their bridal dress. Does it happen? Sure. Can you expect a random guest of a guest to predict that? Nope. Still don't understand why OP didn't know the dress code or wedding style.

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u/GullibleWineBar Jul 15 '25

Because she didn't know the couple, didn't seem to know any other guests and was relying on her friend to relay any important information. Either he didn't know, didn't think it was an important detail or was so wrapped up in his anxiety about seeing his ex that he forgot to tell her.

Given that she was wearing a ballgown-style silhouette, all she was probably told was that it was an upscale/formal Indian wedding. She probably didn't want to spend on a whole new outfit for these people she doesn't know, so she repurposed her previously worn formal Indian wedding outfit expecting it to be a benign (if perhaps a tad informal) choice.

Honestly, he should get some shit for being a bad communicator.

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u/coolcaterpillar77 Jul 15 '25

lol I thought that was a ribbon tied around the waist. You made me go back and look again. It is indeed a midriff!

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u/wanderlust_57 Jul 15 '25

My understanding of Indian weddings is that a lot of the attendees wear their own (indian) wedding dresses to get some additional use out of it because it's impossible to upstage a desi bride.

Which would imply no color rules that say you can't wear bride color?

Is that not the case?

Take that 'understanding' with a pound of salt though, I'm white American, so my exposure to the culture is limited to a few friends and the internet. I could easily be wrong.

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u/Kingsdaughter613 Jul 15 '25

My understanding is that most do not wear red. Iirc, there are several dresses worn by the bride at the wedding, and not all are red. But it’s very possible that not wearing red is a case of cultural mixing, among Indians in the West.

I mostly know so much because I love bridal shows and the Indian brides have the most amazing weddings, lol. I watch for the dresses and the gowns at those weddings are beyond divine.

I really don’t get how there was an issue. Even if the bride was wearing blush/white, her gown should have been sparkly like anything, super constructed and ornamental, the kind of thing you’d see at a fashion show.

Given the glares, which is odd because the family should have immediately recognized OP’s lehenga and the colour taboo isn’t as big a deal, I wonder if the bride’s family struggled to pay. So her gown was plainer, and she only had the one, and OP unwittingly made that very obvious.

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u/SnooPets8873 Jul 15 '25

I thought that was ribbon. I’m Indian and didn’t recognize that it wasn’t a gown: I think the sepia tones make it harder to pick out detail if you don’t go full screen

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u/prosthetic_memory Jul 15 '25 edited Jul 15 '25

She called it a dress in the post, which was very confusing to me (I even called this out in another comment that it looked like a two piece...like did it connect in the front or what?).

A blush lehega with white trim is very different than the "big puffy, WHITE AND BLUSH, very bridal looking dress" she described in the original post.

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u/stitchplacingmama Jul 15 '25

I thought that was just a ribbon detail on the waist of the dress not skin.

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u/Becants Jul 15 '25

Oh I thought her midriff was a gold belt on my first look.

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u/_angesaurus Jul 15 '25

Me too. Actually knowing it's midriff makes it less bridal to me especially at an indian wedding. (even though plenty of brides show midriff)

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u/Loud_Ad_4515 Jul 15 '25

I didn't realize the midriff was bared in the photo - it looked like a wide sash in my eyes. 🤷‍♀️

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u/Meta__mel Jul 15 '25

The midriff read as a very wide satin ribbon until you pointed it out

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u/iloveskiing95 Jul 15 '25

I thought the same thing. Strong filter on the pic

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u/Overall-Shopping5939 Jul 15 '25

The pic is so blurry and she blends into the photo , the bare midriff is barely seen. I speak as an Indian person.

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u/dcgirl17 Jul 15 '25

I didn’t notice it

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u/MissKatbow Jul 15 '25

Yeah this context matters a lot because I was wondering in what world would you choose this, even with different cultural standards.

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u/Creepy_Push8629 Jul 15 '25

I know everyone is mad at you, but the dress looks absolutely gorgeous lol

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u/LeftyLibra_10 Jul 15 '25

Agreed. It is truly stunning. Ps. I’ve been to a few Indian weddings & white was NEVER the color of the brides dress so I get the mindset & completely understand the cringe! Lol

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u/cindylooboo Jul 15 '25

THIIIIS. 99% of the time at an Indian function this outfit would 1) be considered rather tame and 2) the pride is almost always in something very vibrant or jewel toned or sometimes gold.

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u/jimgella Jul 15 '25

Girl.

Props to you for sharing!

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

I’ve spent countless moments reliving this.

I figured I’d share my shame so you all could all go “wtf” too

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u/ohreallynowz Jul 15 '25

That “No thanks” from the bride would legitimately haunt my nightmares.

Bless you for sharing, OP

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

I have feared running into her in social circles for almost 10 years

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u/jimgella Jul 15 '25

You shared this was years ago.

I wish for you to find peace and levity.

Your back looked so beautiful!

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

I sincerely hope the Bride laughs about it these days, I just retold the story because a post I saw…. Though I definitely reconfirm dress codes these days. The biggest “what?” was “Texas Fall Formal”

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u/Melodic_Policy765 Jul 15 '25

Boots and a ballgown with bouffant hair do?

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u/daintycherub Jul 15 '25

Usually more sundresses and milkmaid dresses than ballgowns, but yes otherwise. And plenty of cowboy hats. 🤣

My dad and brother wore their cowboy hats during my sister’s wedding and reception, along with their big ol’ belt buckles and boots.

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u/OldLadyCard Jul 15 '25

Sundresses and cowboy boots. I don’t get it but there it is. This Texas girl is too old to get it anyway. 😭

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u/HollaDude Jul 15 '25

OP I'm Indian and I want to let you know this doesn't look bridal at all. It's so simple looking and pastels are sooo popular for Indian guests. Plus the dress is so simple. It's an honest mistake to make. If I was the bride I would have absolutely understood and laughed about it. Please don't stress.

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u/dimbhaat Jul 15 '25

This outfit has a very bridesmaid feel to it, idk why people are bashing you because an indian bride will never wear something this simple even for their engagement ceremonies. It was just bad luck but you did well :))

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

Because people have a hard time thinking outside their own culture but it’s ok, I posted to let people shame me. It was a long time ago, I just thought it was a cringeworthy story to share from the inside looking out versus the normal “so and so wore white” posts

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u/Brucethegoo Jul 15 '25

White is associated with mourning in Indian culture, so it’s quite surprising to me that the bride wore a white, Western wedding dress.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '25

Christian brides in India wear white. Later some change into more elaborate Indian bridal dresses for reception

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u/esentr Jul 15 '25

Not in all parts of India, and besides, we have a whole diasporic community practicing blended traditions now.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '25

It’s not as widespread a cultural norm as people think. In my Indian subculture, it’s common to wear off-white/white at even Hindu weddings, though the outfits look nothing like Western wedding gowns of course.

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u/lives_ironically Jul 15 '25

I just went to an Indian wedding that took place in the UK. The colour scheme assigned to all the guests was white/cream/gold, in line with the traditional clothes for that particular part of India.

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u/Live_Angle4621 Jul 15 '25

Just because someone is ethnically Indian doesn't mean they are that connected to the culture or are Hindu. Bride might be Christian 

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u/lemon-its-wednesday Jul 15 '25

I think the issue is the lehenga is kind of western looking, less like a traditional lehenga. Especially in this picture without the draped scarf, it looks very western bridal.

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25 edited Jul 15 '25

Unfortunately this is the pic I have of it because I wasn’t try to take pictures there 😆

Perhaps I have one from another event

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u/KillTheBoyBand Jul 15 '25

I think it's the skirt that's throwing everyone. I looked up lehenga before making a comment and all the examples I saw had very straight flowy skirts. I didn't see a single tiered tulle skirt so I really wasn't sure what kind of outfit it was supposed to be.

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u/anotherdropin Jul 15 '25

What? You must not be looking at the right websites because most Lehengas have poof underneath. They are straight up ball gowns with the midriff cut out.

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u/KillTheBoyBand Jul 15 '25

It was admittedly a very fast Google search! I probably didn't see all the variations in styles and I imagine most people in this sub are just as unfamiliar as I am with how lehengas look or even the term for them.

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u/Overall-Shopping5939 Jul 15 '25

I am Indian and you are correct. We have a lot of lehengas without tulle. Like…a lot. They twirl around better for Bollywood dancing etc. without tulle too.

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u/DriftingIntoAbstract Jul 15 '25

Yeah that changes the story. You literally were rewearing a dress from another Indian wedding. I could understand the mistake.

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u/prosthetic_memory Jul 15 '25 edited Jul 15 '25

I'm confused. If it's a blush lehenga with white trim, why did you describe it as a "big puffy, WHITE AND BLUSH, very bridal looking dress"?

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

Because to Americans this is Bridal looking, at Indian weddings it’s Not

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u/prosthetic_memory Jul 15 '25

Right, but it was still an Indian wedding, just done in a western style. Eg, the people getting married and their families were Indian, if I understand correctly.

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

No, an “Indian wedding” generally describes the type and ceremony and dress, not their ethnicity. Usually invitations state “American style, Western, American and Indian or No white” or variations of that when it’s not going to be traditional ceremony or clothing

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u/prosthetic_memory Jul 15 '25

I am confused now myself, because in your post you wrote that you "attended an Indian wedding in the United States" where "the bride had decided to forgo Indian attire and wear traditionally bridal western wear". But I just said it was "still an Indian wedding, just done in a western style", and you said no. So...what was it?

Either way, the bride and groom and their families would have all recognized you were wearing a lehenga, choli (and dupatta?) in normal guest colors. If you'd walked in with a red one, I could see where they'd be upset.

Or if you walked in in a white, western fancy dress, I could also see where they would be upset. But you didn't. You were wearing a blush lehenga.

I have also been to Indian weddings in India, where they had both Indian and Western ceremonies with different dress codes for each. So yes, I know what you mean when you say the style is normally on the invite. Sounds like you missed it by being a guest of a guest, but either way I don't understand why anyone would have treated you poorly or why you should have felt uncomfortable.

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u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

My guess is it was explained on the invite and that information wasn’t passed on to me as a +1.

I was told “normal formal Indian attire”

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u/adell376 Jul 15 '25 edited Jul 15 '25

Sounds like you’re still kinda missing the point. In your post you admit that the dress is very bridal. You figured it would be ok because you expected the bride to be wearing traditional garb (which I understand is very bright and flashy).

Even if the bride did dress in traditional garb, this would still be highly inappropriate as it sounds like she and the attendees (and let’s be honest, yourself) are familiar with western bridal attire.

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u/KillTheBoyBand Jul 15 '25

...well no. If this was an Indian wedding with Indian gowns, then wearing a Lehenga (which is formal wear and therefore correct for the event) which was already preciously worn as wedding guest attire would have been entirely appropriate. Someone else mentioned blush is an acceptable color for guests in Indian weddings. Red is the traditional bridal color.

Many people are familiar with western bridal attire. But cultures aren't so western-centric that they're thinking about it 24/7 during cultural celebrations. If it had been a full-blown traditional Indian affair, Western etiquette wouldn't have been on anyone's radar.

OP just had garbage luck and a miscommunication.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '25

[deleted]

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u/emorrigan Jul 15 '25

Yes, in the outfit that had been greenlit by another Indian bride. 🙄 OP isn’t anything other than unlucky to go to a rare Indian wedding that happened to NOT have Indian attire.

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u/AnotherPassager Jul 15 '25

Stop projecting lol.

There has been a few Indians here explaining that it is appropriate in their culture.

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u/[deleted] Jul 15 '25

[deleted]

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u/AnotherPassager Jul 15 '25

Moving to another country doesn't mean immediately abandoning your own culture. What if it was a destination wedding in the United States? OP has been told that she will be attending an Indian wedding and dressed appropriately for an Indian wedding. This is the dress that she used at another friend's Indian wedding (chosen by the other bride). She just didn't want to buy another expensive dress to use for a single day.

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u/KillTheBoyBand Jul 15 '25 edited Jul 15 '25

Honey, this is a stranger on the internet and she just described being so mortified that she sat as much as possible to hide the dress until she could flee.

Literally where is the look at me moment

19

u/bitchybarbie82 Jul 15 '25

I was sat closer to the front and to “escape” I’d had had to walk IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND THE COUPLES TABLE during speeches and more.

I waited for dancing to sneak out.

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u/Quirky_Movie Jul 15 '25

I live in NYC near a large Indian population and this is an odd take based on my experiences within this group.

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u/user100691 Jul 15 '25

I think she meant it’s bridal looking by western standards but she was going to an Indian wedding, so western rules don’t apply. Unfortunately for her, this time, they did.

I know many people who have gone to Indian weddings wearing white/pale pink/cream and it wasn’t an issue as Indian weddings are generally brightly coloured and the bride wears red.