We are 30 some days away from getting married. We are sending out final payments to everyone this week. I'm freaking out. We were at my fiancé's friend's wedding and he got absolutely wasted to the point where he sprained both ankles, threw up at the wedding, and in the bushes at the venue. He also was an angry drunk and humiliated me in front of two of his childhood friends whom he hadn't seen in about 10 years, and who I had met the night before. Fiance's dad and dad's side has many alcoholics. His dad was an angry drunk. Seeing my fiance as an angry drunk (towards me) sprain both of his ankles, vomit during the reception, vomit in the bushes, humiliate me, yell at me, is making me have doubts. At one point I couldn't find him and had to awkwardly ask his childhood friends that I just met to help me find him (he was throwing up in the bathroom) When me and his friend got him back to our hotel, he layed across the bed so I couldn't get in, I asked him to move and he did no. Thankfully there was a couch in the room, slept on that. A 4am I wake up to him screaming, I run to him to find his full weight on his neck so I had to pick him up and move him so his neck didn't snap. He does not remember ANY of this.

Am I crazy for being scared to marry him? I see him differently and it was humiliating and terrifying to experience. He wanted a big wedding so we're having a big wedding but I've been left with all the responsibility. I can't get myself to do anything wedding planning related. Im scared.

On top of this, my dad called me the next day to let me know our childhood cat had passed away. When we got back from the wedding and saw parents, we had left their house to go to ours, I said man I just need some comfort food, can we please pick up Cheesecake Factory (our usual order is $50 dollars) and he said no we don't have the money)

This question gets asked all the time; here are some examples from just the past month.

• Realistically, how are people affording wedding?
• How are people affording all of this?
• How are people actually affording their weddings?

There are only a few possible answers, which remain the same every time the question is asked. To quote u/elinordashw00d from one of these threads:

1. They can afford it because they have more money than you, either through savings or because their salary is higher than yours.
2. They can afford it because someone else is paying (either partially or fully).
3. They can't afford it, it's all going on credit cards, and they'll be in debt from it.

That's pretty much it.

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic. The sticker shock is real, and it's discouraging to find out that the wedding you envisioned is out of reach. The wealth disparity in the US is bigger than ever, and it's not fair that some people can easily afford a $100k wedding, while others struggle to come up with $1k. However, there's no magic solution that comes out of these threads. If you can't afford the wedding you want, your options are to find a way to save more money or lower your expectations.

Can we please sticky one of the above posts rather than have the same conversation every week or two?

Edit: Thanks everyone for a good discussion. After seeing some other perspectives, maybe a ban is a little harsh, but I still think the sub could benefit from a wiki or FAQ sticky.

People aren't taking our wedding seriously and it's really getting to me. It's not traditional. That doesn't mean it isn't a "real" wedding. There's a "real" photographer. There's a "real" caterer with a four course Italian dinner. There's a "real" Chantilly wedding cake. There's a "real" couple getting married with a "real" officiant. We have spent months thrifting glassware, making DIYs, going to the wholesale florist, learning how to letterpress our own invitations, and all sorts of planning.

It means a lot to me and my fiance. We're so excited for this day. I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, and I'm not asking them for validation or opinions or anything. I'm not asking anyone else to care or give us praise. I just want the negative comments to stop.

I'm sitting here bawling my eyes out because my future MIL told me "it's not a real wedding because you used twilight as inspiration". We rented a mansion/event space in the woods. We put some wisteria on string lights and will hang them over the ceremony space, and are doing nature based decor. That's the "twilight" portion. What's not real about that? We're having everyone stay at the mansion (for free) if they want too. Why isn't it "real" just because we liked the wedding scene in Twilight? Why isn't it "real" just because it's not in a church? It's beautiful. It's upscale, it's literally a mansion.

I was told I'm a bridezilla for even having a dress code. I'm sorry that I want to establish the level of formality? Our only dress code "rules" are dresses should be knee length or longer, pants should be worn with a jacket or tie, and no jeans. We added in a vest or dressy blouse option too. They don't need to be super formal, they don't need to be a certain color or made of a certain fabric. No black tie. Just don't wear jeans or mini dresses...

Family keeps making comments about the venue. They asked if I would at least rent port a potties so they don't have to potty in the woods... Guys, it's a 12 bedroom mansion, there's 16 bathrooms!!! For a 30 person wedding!

I'm just fucking losing it. I know I'm different. I know it's alternative. But please just treat it with the same respect every other couple gets.

Anytime I post ANYTHING on here, I get a flood of comments of people saying it's "no wonder" I'm struggling with [issue] because my wedding isn't "real". Someone just berated me and called me a child for having the twilight wedding as inspiration. It's a stunning wedding, but at it's core it's just hanging wisteria and nature-inspired decor. What is not "real" about that?

Every now and then on here I see the most backhanded comments from people saying “I’m glad you had a fun wedding, but I could never imagine spending that much” or “I eloped, so the concept of spending this much money is crazy to me” in response to couples that have a higher budget wedding. It’s not helpful and is just as bad as shaming a couple for trying to be budgetarily conscious. Yes, believe it or not some people do have money, or family that choose to contribute a significant amount, and rather than pocket the change or reallocate the funds, many choose to spend it on their wedding. It’s not “wasteful”, it doesn’t make their commitment to one another any less meaningful or performative, some people just have the means and use the means the way that is best for them.

If we’re going to support wedding planning here, we need to support people of all budgets and lifestyles. Throwing shade at other group members when they have a more expensive wedding than you deem “acceptable” is unfair.

June 2026 bride here. I’ve seen several posts lately that really struck a chord with me - other brides saying they feel a little silly or uncomfortable planning a wedding while so many serious and scary things are happening in the world. I’ve felt this every step of the way. I’ve definitely had moments of thinking, “Who cares about napkin colors when everyone seems determined to destroy each other?”

The other day my mom sent me this photo along with a quote from Toi Derricotte: “Joy is an act of resistance.”

It really stuck with me.

For anyone else out there struggling with those same feelings - that planning a wedding can feel a little superfluous during a time that feels so heavy - I hope this perspective helps. Choosing joy, community, and love when the world often feels full of negativity isn’t trivial. In many ways, it’s essential.

Thoughts on my wedding do-not-play-list so far? Happy to share the approved if there is any interest/curiosity!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Hi all;

♥️Edit: Some people have said they would prefer if they could write a note to us (Dan & Jade) then sign it themselves. I am more then happy for people to do that too if you want to. I appreciate everything and everyone 😁♥️

I can't find the rules post so please delete if this is not allowed ( I do have a few Penpals from here who I will be asking too).

Basically I want to give my fiancé a book made up of photos of notes from around the world on our wedding day.

So may I ask a favour if allowed (sorry if it's not as I don't want to break any rules)?

If anyone can write:

'Dan,Happy Wedding Day to us from (location) Love Jade x'

Or

'Dan & Jade Happy Wedding Day to us from 'location'!

On a piece of paper then take a photo of it at any location then I would really appreciate it. I have attached a photo of what I mean; I have been trying to get some in the actual 'love Notes' groups but not been successful :(

Edit: Thank you so much to everyone who has commented; I am so excited. Really appreciate everyone being so kind. I am trying to reply to everyone but if I miss you I am grateful for anything and anywhere. Please DM it me whenever you get the chance to do it 😁 ♥️ x

There have been a number of posts recently about changing your name after marriage. If you are not already aware, the house in the US just voted to pass the SAVE Act, which will require you to prove your citizenship to vote -- under your birth name. It will disproportionately affect women who have changed their last names and no longer match their birth certificates.

This should be a huge HUGE consideration when you are choosing whether to change your name. You may well disenfranchise yourself as an American citizen by doing it.

https://www.msnbc.com/top-stories/latest/save-act-house-voting-rights-married-women-last-name-rcna200948

Edit: Call your senators. This is not law yet but if it passes the senate, it will essentially mean that any woman who changes her name must jump through many more hoops to be able to vote. It's unfair and will be used to silence women and trans people.

Wasn't sure how to hide it from the feed, so I'm hiding it behind a photo of my fiancé's suit - he had our wedding date embroidered into the jacket because he knows dates are important to me.

I think its understood that the wedding industry and bachelorette industrial complex is getting out of control. I agree that these destinations need to carefully considered and people should not be pressured into forking over thousands. However, I must admit it is bizarre to see people aggressively go in the opposite direction, shaming/complaining about people simply wanting just a weekend trip for their bachelorette.

In my opinion it is a weird and dated mindset--a lot of social networks and families these days are geographically dispersed, for that reason it often makes sense to pick a fun and reasonably accessible destination. A lot of people live in boring or even hostile regions/states (specifically applicable to immigrants, minorities and LGBT people) that they are itching to escape for a couple days, to somewhere where their party will feel fulfilled or comfortable.

Also, not every destination requires a flight for all parties, weekend trips can be traveled to by car. The concept of a bachelorette trip or a destination wedding is broader and more accessible than what some realize.

Weekend bachelor/ette celebrations are a nice excuse for an adult friend group, often scattered across the country, to take a vacation together for one of life's most meaningful milestones. Many people love to host or take part of friend trips, birthday trips, graduation trips. A lot of us roll in social groups that love travel. Some people project their distaste of group travel onto the topic and assume every bach trip is a hostage situation.

I've read takes that definitely come across as some type of performative practicalism that doesn't really help brides. A mix of hyper-frugality, cultural projection, and general anti-wedding cynicism. I think it causes brides to second guess what they want unnecessarily. A lot of women already struggle with feeling like they do not deserve attention, being celebrated and loved on, or having others do things for them. Women are often socialized to take up less space. For every entitled bridezilla, I'd guess there are at least 5 humble brides who struggle with the opposite issue.

The real issue comes down to poor planning, communication, and lack of consideration. Bachelorette trips are a perfectly fine and often ideal way to celebrate. Modern life is making our social networks feel increasingly fragmented. Group trips, adult sleepovers, whatever you call it, can be a beautiful way to reconnect.

I love my fiancée but my last name is pretty uncommon, and his is very, very common. I love how unique mine is but also I’m close with my family and he is not very close with his father or his fathers side of the family so he doesn’t have much of an attachment in that way. But he still says he loves the idea of us having his last name. He’s not pressuring me by any means to take his last name btw, I’m just adding context!

Aside from that, with all the craziness in the world rn I don’t want to have to go through the million steps and things I’d need where I have to change my last name and also possibly having issues with voting and other things in the future.

(Also we’re not planning on having children)

Is anyone else in a similar boat of wanting to keep their maiden name?

lol don’t*

I have now seen two instances in real life where this subreddit absolutely freaked out about something but ended up being totally fine in reality.

I got absolutely DRAGGED when I showed photos of the monastary I was getting married at. It has a lot of long slopping steps coming up to it. It’s on the side of a mountain, but you can take a cab to the front steps. It’s incredibly historical and important to our religion and after posting it on here you would have thought I decided to make my guests run a marathon before the wedding. People told me I was ableist for not having a disability accessible wedding.

I said no one coming was disabled, and everyone agreed in the comments that I couldn’t possibly know that—and that my guests probably had hidden disabilities. the top comments agreed that they would never attend my wedding, even if they were a best friend.

I was beyond dragged, it shot to the top post in this sub and in 20 minutes i had over 200 comments. it was awful. i was in tears and panicking as soon as i saw it and for the next 2 months before my wedding.

We had given the guests a heads up and said that anyone who wasn’t able to attend was welcome to join at the party instead.

The day came and everyone chose to attend, and everyone LOVED it. We are still getting comments 8 months later on how special it was for the guests to be able to attend the monastery and be in such a gorgeous place (it’s a monastery inside a cave).

Then in another thread i got dragged again because I stated that the last five weddings I went to didn’t provide shuttles for a ~45 minute drive. I live in a big city and getting somewhere in 45 minutes is normal. The bride said she couldn’t afford the shuttles and everyone was telling her she had to. I just wanted to share that in some places a 45 minute drive is expected.

So ?? reality doesn’t always match this place. keep that in mind!

I feel like I see the unassigned vs assigned seating debate on here frequently and I figured I'd share a recent experience. I went to one of my coworkers weddings this past weekend. She had told me she wasn't assigning seats because it felt stuffy. Fair. She's very laid back and her wedding was pretty casual.

The ceremony was lovely and the cocktail hour was very nice. Once the outdoor cocktail hour was done and the doors to the inside reception space were opened, all hell broke loose. My other coworkers and quickly I sat at one of the back tables (we know the bride well, but figured family and close friends should be up close). We took up 6/8 seats. Others were RUNNING to get tables. Literally jogging through the venue. We had to help 2 different sets of older relatives who didn't know where to sit. One asked us where the table numbers were, the other couple just looked so lost.

When 80% of people had sat down, things started to get really awkward. People were moving chairs and the really cute place settings from one table to another. Like picking up the chargers and napkins and jamming up to 12 people at an 8 person table. Then, a family of 6 came in. There wasnt a single table left with more than 2 available seats. My coworkers and our dates all made the decision to split up and move so they could sit together. This was the grooms brother, sister in law, and nieces now sitting on the back corner. My boyfriend and I ended up sitting with the brides aunt, uncle, and cousins right up at the front.

Y'all, a little stress before the big day is worth it. Otherwise your guests are going to be stressed and end up in awkward seating situations.

I made a post yesterday that, surprisingly, made a lot of people feel rather spicy soley based on the fact that I did a legal marriage a year before my wedding reception. I genuinely worry that other women in my position are going to see some of those comments and be discouraged.

We had no ceremony, just signed the papers in my house (actually, during the Eagles parade! But that is a whole other story) which is completely legal in PA, because the ceremony wasn't important to my husband and I, or our families.

Getting legally married early and then partying later was the BEST decision for us, and we have had complete enthusiasm from our friends, cousins, and everyone but my immediate family. I don't want to get in the weeds about the family relationships, thats what the other post is for.

While this wasn't everyone: there were people in the comment section repeatedly saying that, because of that decision: I am not a bride. Our reception doesn't matter. Someone called it "completely performative" and someone else repeatedly referred to it as a "circus." People got in the weeds about whether or not I deserved the bridal shower that my in-laws encouraged me to have. All because I signed a paper early.

If for WHATEVER reason you separate your ceremony and reception: that does not mean your reception is not important. It does not mean it is not a milestone. It does not mean that you should not be treated like a bride. This is not 1940.

My girls threw me a bachelorette party because I am their friend, they love me, and I am a bride. My in laws encouraged me to throw a shower because I am their son/nephew's wife, and I have become a new woman in their family, and I am a bride.

My aunts and cousins are getting on planes and booking hotels because they are excited to celebrate my marriage. Because they love me and love a good party.

People that love you and want to celebrate you WILL BE HAPPY TO DO SO even if you break some traditions. Because not only do people love you, they also love a good party.

Do not internalize negativity from the internet: Get that gown, have that cake, get that photographer and throw a damn party. You are worth celebrating. And yes, you miiiight get a few more Nos from people that have to travel, just as anyone might get from people that have to travel. But it's not because your cousin in California is scoffing and throwing your invitation in the trash and screaming " DON'T INVITE ME TO THAT FAKE BRIDE'S PERFORMATIVE CIRCUS"

You know what people in both my family and my husband's family have said? "I'm so excited to have a reason to get together that isn't a funeral."

“I keep dreaming of my vendor not showing up”
…….um I wish

My 4 friends and I were just uninvited from our friend’s wedding reception. At 2am, we all received a text saying we were uninvited because the groom’s grandparents, who were previously unable to attend due to health issues, had suddenly recovered enough to travel, so our seats were being given to them.

For context, this is a traditional South Asian wedding in Canada. We were also invited to multiple pre-wedding events, but most of us can’t attend because they fall during the work week and we will be returning from summer travel overseas. We got the impression the bride was disappointed that we couldn’t make it to two or more of those events.

What makes this especially frustrating is:

-None of us are South Asian, so we each spent about $200 on traditional outfits that we specifically bought for this wedding. We were very excited to attend.
-We planned our summer travel around the wedding date nearly 8 months in advance, even paying more for flights so we could be back in time to attend.

We completely understand wanting grandparents to be there if they truly became able to attend, and we don’t blame them for that. But being the guests who were removed at the last minute feels pretty hurtful.
How would you respond in this situation? Would you say anything, or just leave it alone?

Edit: the wedding is 4 weeks out.
Edit 2: I want to clarify that the wedding is local to us, no travel involved. The travel mentioned is all personal vacations, we still planned around her wedding so we would be able to attend.

I never understood how people end up going over budget. You preset the budget, you knew your expenses, what do you mean surprise things snuck up on you? I get it now. I’m 3 weeks out and money has lost all meaning. $150 for back up groom tuxedo shirt? Done. $250 to add on that my day of coordinator will set up the dessert table? Done. Two checked bags for an extra $75 each way instead of one? Done. If it’s under $500 and solves a chokepoint problem, the card is getting swiped and the check is getting written.

My fiance and I are 7 months out and we finally sat down to figure out the actual logistics of combining finances after the wedding. We've been together 4 years, living together for 2 but we've always just split rent and bills proportionally since he makes more than me.

Anyway we started talking about whether we're doing joint accounts or keeping things separate or what, and it somehow turned into this whole thing about our completely different approaches to money. He's got student loans he's been paying minimum on for years because he'd rather invest and I found out he's got around 45k in credit card debt from before we met that he 'has a plan for' but hasn't really tackled. Meanwhile I'm over here with my savings account that I don't touch and he thinks I'm being too cautious by not putting it in the market. Neither of us is wrong exactly but we've apparently just never really talked about this stuff beyond surface level.

Now I'm second guessing if we should even combine everything right away or if we need to figure out our individual situations first. My mom keeps texting me asking if we've opened our joint account yet like it's some milestone we're behind on but honestly I don't even know what the right move is anymore. We're not fighting about it but the conversation definitely got tense and we kind of just tabled it.

Did anyone else realize they had completely different money styles this late in the game? How did you actually handle it?

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That's all.

Ever since I got married, my beautiful name appears to be the victim of selective amnesia from my friends and family.

Every Christmas card and wedding invitation, even from people in my generation (i.e. late twenties), have addressed me as Mrs. Husband’s First & Last Name. RIP to my name.

That is it. That’s the post.

I’ll fully admit I’m partly asking because I want to brag a little 😅 We live in a world where everyone wants their wedding to be the best, but I didn’t care that much about that. I’m at the age where everyone I know is getting married, and a lot of weddings start to blend together. We still wanted one special, memorable thing, but photo booths and live painters felt like too much money for us.

When I decided I wanted this, it just felt perfect. All the nice photos would already have been taken, everyone would be a little drunk by then, and honestly… what drunk girly is going to say no to a bit of glitter face paint?

We hired local face painters to come in after dinner for a few hours. It cost about $300, and I decided on it at that stage of planning where anything under $1,000 felt like “whatever.” I assumed all my friends would love it, but I was pleasantly surprised by how many of the older crowd got it done too…aunts, uncles, parents’ friends, etc.

If you’re still planning your wedding, I 10000% recommend it. I don’t know anyone else who’s done this—not even our day-of coordinator, who actually started boasting about the idea on her Instagram because she told me she’d never planned a wedding that had done it before.

Now I’m curious: what’s something a little uncommon or unexpected you included that you’re really glad you did?

I have been a wedding guest this year for the first time since the pandemic and have so far attended 3 weddings from unrelated social groups. None of them served food which was shocking to me. One was just non alcoholic drinks and mini cupcakes and two were just drinks ( open bar and non alcoholic options). The last two didn't even serve cake.

All 3 were at a normal meal time ( 6 pm) and none of them ever gave any indication that there was no food being served. Is this just a normal thing now?

I was ignorant and didn’t think this would happen to me…but I guess this is the universal wedding experience 😭 we haven’t even sent out invitations yet and my friend sent me this. it was so uncomfortable but luckily she seems to be chill about it!

Hi lovelies! Out of curiosity, how long was your engagement? Do you regret the timeline or was it the right amount for you and your partner? Thought this would be a fun post to get to know everyone’s experience!!! <3