I’m 39, turning 40 soon, and a second-career attorney. I passed the bar in 2025, so I’m still early in my legal career. Before law school, I spent 10 years in business development, policy, and international development, eventually reaching director-level positions and earning a mid-six-figure salary.
I’m also a mom to a young son with special needs, and helping him adjust to school and find the right supports has been challenging. I’ve struggled to find a legal job that allows me to be present for my son while still building a meaningful career.
I’ve received two offers, both at $90K:
Option 1: ART/IVF law
Completely remote.
Transactional work involving surrogacy agreements and reproductive law.
Interesting practice area, but I’m concerned about long-term earning potential and career mobility.
Option 2: Family law firm
Two days in the office, three remote.
The culture respects family needs etc.
Litigation involving custody, adoption, international law, and other family law matters.
Broader experience that I think might open more doors and help me increase my salary in a year or two.
Honestly, neither salary feels great given my previous career. But I understand that I’m starting over in many ways as an attorney, and flexibility is incredibly important right now.
I’m leaning toward family law litigation because I think it could provide a stronger foundation and better opportunities to eventually return to a higher salary. However, I’m concerned about the demands of litigation and whether the remote ART position might be a better fit for my family.
As a first-generation professional, I don’t have a network of attorneys in my family to turn to for advice.
Am I thinking strategically, or am I overestimating how easily I can increase my salary after 18–24 months of litigation experience? Would you prioritize fully remote work and flexibility, or broader litigation experience and potentially better long-term opportunities?
I’d especially appreciate perspectives from second-career attorneys and parents who’ve navigated demanding legal careers with young children. I’m looking for honest advice, not just reassurance. What would you do?

Edit: Thank you all for your feedback so far!!!!

Every time I open LinkedIn I see tech layoff after tech layoff. Is legal part of those cuts? For those who have been affected, how are you doing? Assuming you are beginning your job search immediately, how has the market been?

I’m a lawyer (38F) married to a lawyer (39M) for 7 years. I'm in the public sector, trying a lot of cases, making what most people would consider really good money. He's in big law, so he makes a ton of money, but more of his work is behind the scenes. There's always been a bit of struggle. We really don't relate to each other's jobs because they are just so different. The recurring theme is that I always feel second place to his job.

I normally just roll over about his long hours and over important view of his job. I don't see him most days aside from the hour or so we're both awake before bed. He works every weekend.

I want to have a family and know that he’ll be there and be part of it. We’re having trouble conceiving and I’ve lost a few pregnancies which has been so hard on me. Not to mention, the fertility treatments take so much time and it affects my work hours (on top of getting me all sorts of medicated), which stresses me out. I see my friends having families and even though I love them, it makes me so sad for myself. He just tells me it’s fine and we’ll be fine, but I’m basically fighting this battle alone. When I tell him it feels like I don’t matter to him, he tells me I’m dramatic.

I love my job, I love being a lawyer, but I do feel like the most important thing to me is family and getting to spend time with my loved ones (and honestly enjoying the fruits of my labor). I don’t know what to do anymore. Lawyers married to lawyers, how do you do it?

For anyone familiar with the NYC Law Department hiring process, I have a question about starting salary.

I was quoted a starting salary of $117,000, but the Law Department’s website lists a salary range of $122,300–$137,188 for attorneys with 5–10 years of post-law-school legal experience.

Does coming from another NYC government agency affect the starting salary or salary classification for a lateral attorney? I thought the starting salary was based on the published experience range, but now I’m wondering whether there are other factors that could explain why the quoted salary is lower.

I’m also unsure whether to ask Legal Recruitment for clarification before receiving an official offer or wait until an offer is extended. We discussed salary and potential start dates during my second interview, but I don’t know whether I should address it as a clarification in my thank-you email or wait to see if I receive an offer. I know the person who interviewed me said they had more interviews to complete and she will let me know location once I have an offer. But this salary has really be throwing me off.

I am a third year litigation associate at a big law firm in Dallas, Texas. Although I enjoy the work I do and consistently receive good feedback, with a wife and kid at home, I just can’t keep up with the hours. The stress is starting to affect my health, and I don’t think this is sustainable for me or my family anymore.

Is anyone aware of any firms in the Dallas/Fort Worth area looking for a junior associate and requires 1800 or less billable hours? Any connections or suggestions would be appreciated.

Do any of my fellow bicoastal lawyers have any good recommendations for a CLE platform/bundle that can efficiently satisfy my requirements for both New York and California. Google suggested a NY/CA bundle on a platform called attorney credits.com. Does anyone know anything about them? Thanks in advance.

Everything seems so meaningless/pointless. I love writing/reading but anytime I do anything work related I feel like I’m just crawling to a finish line that constantly gets further and further away from me. It’s to the point where sending basic emails feels like a chore. Idk man, maybe this whole lawyer thing isn’t for me or maybe it’s just ID. Any perspective would be very helpful!

Hey all. I was fired from my first job in ID. Alone in a major city with a family and had to take a lot of time off because I have no help with kids. Couldn’t meet billable hours. They let me save face and resign. Got a new job which is without billable and our biggest client is government. Everything has gone fine for past year but now partner is livid at me and scheduled an impromptu meeting first thing tomorrow. Can’t help but feel I’m getting fired. Never had a productivity issue but I’ve had to take a lot of time off. I’ve occasionally done things outside of client guidelines but nothing egregious. Not even sure what I did wrong. Any advice ? Is there a part of the law with better work life balance ? Remote jobs ?

Edit UPDATE

Partner sat down with and Me and asked me how I work our files and essentially told me that client had complained and managing partner was informed who immediately brought it to my partners attention. There were several issues but long story sure partner told me to do everything by the book/guidelines however arbitrary it might be. I was given a warning to not let it happen again. No real problem with work product but I just pissed off client, can’t really discuss the exact details to avoid doxxing my client. I personally don’t think it warranted a huge meeting but client demanded all associates who were flagged by them be spoken to.

Thanks for the support guys, definitely a wake up call.

So my office was having a pizza party today. I am a partner and I was telling my staff we shouldn't be eating pizza, because it is appropriation of Italian culture and therefore racist.

I said instead we should be eating raw kale and uncooked beets and onions, just like the indigenous tribes whose land we took used to eat.

The other partners were like "dude just let the staff enjoy this one little thing." But I was like no, I need to show my activism.

Wouldn't you know it, my staff, who are the people I supervise, the people whose paychecks I sign, and the people who depend on me for employment, also agreed with me! In solidarity they tried to hide their enjoyment of eating the pizza, and even changed their signature lines of their emails to say pizza was bad and kale is good.

I am such a good good, and self aware boss.

/s/

I’m an attorney for 9 years with primary medical malpractice defense experience under my belt. Currently make $150K. My billables at a small firm are 2000-2100 (I know I know). I WFH 3 days a week, in office 2. I am married with a preschooler. I live in a HCOL area for reference. I interviewed and was offered two positions in GL:

Option A:

AmLaw 100 firm (think Lewis Brisbois/WEMED/Marshall Dennehy)
Of Counsel (initially interviewed for senior associate)
$205K base, bonuses based on billables
1950 yearly requirement (50 pro bono)
In office 3 days mandatory, 2 WFH
Adds about 15-20 minutes to my commute each way.

Option B:
Midsized firm (I know some of the attorneys from the firm based on past dealings, really like them)
Of Counsel position (in response to offer from Option A)
Initially offered $190K, after offer from Option A, they countered at $215K base, bonuses based on billables
2000 yearly requirement
In office as needed, WFH as needed
Same commute as I have now.

I am conflicted because I hear AmLaw 100 and think National firm, eventually lateral somewhere (or just stay and make partner), but I have heard stories about the firm on Reddit which is making me second guess myself. Option A was my option A until option B countered. So now here I am on hands and knees asking my fellow Redditors to help me choose 🤪

How bitchy can I be in my memo lines?

"Read misspelled, randomly-capitalized polemic from client - 0.1"

"Consider whether or not I actually *am* a 'real lawyer' - 0.2"

"'Get off [my] ass and actually do something' - 0.1"

Apparently, conveying the government's plea offer means I'm "just a mouthpiece of the corrupt court." Evidently, I was supposed to... Not inform him of the offer[?]

As a 49M attorney sometimes I envy my female colleagues ability to just throw on a sweater and show up to court. But does this jealousy run the other way? Are F attorneys envious that guys like me get to put on a nice shirt suit and tie and just show up without having to worry whether the pieces match?

I’m one year into practice and I’m already burnt out.

I’m over the rat race, stupidity, morally shitty opposing counsel, and sacrificing my life to manage others.

For those who left family law, is the grass greener? Did your nervous system recover? What do you do now?

I'm part of a midsize firm and we're interested in expanding into practice areas we don't currently serve. The obvious answer to that is to recruit and bring an existing practicioner or small firm into our practice. I'm curious if you run a solo or small firm, what would be attractive and make you want to move into a larger firm (other than money which is obvious)? What pain points could be alleviated or what benefits would you want to see that would entice a move?

With this client, we are preparing the motion in order to sue a company for hidden defects.

This client had an accident in the past and is now more vulnerable than the average person. Every time a someone goes against what they want, they say it's discrimination based on disability, for most, it's not the case.

They keep sending me emails regarding those problems, even though this is not part of my case nor has an influence in it. I'm afraid they might do that with me if I ever go against them on something. I have advised them on some things that are not how they think it is. They were very mad, but at the law, not me.

Regarding those emails, do I answer them saying this is not discrimination and set up some boundaries? Or do I simply ignore it and only bring it up if asked?

Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving.

Some of us make a lot of money. Some of us don’t. Some of us are somewhere in the middle.

What’s the best thing you’ve bought with your money. I want to hear splurge stories. Like on a whim you upgraded your flight to Japan to first class.

For me, I’ve made some big purchases, but probably the most memorable purchase was paying for the plumbing replacement for my parent’s business. I had just gotten my first year bonus and I spent every last dime on those pipes lol.

Best purchase I made for myself was a datejust. Idc about watches but it definitely felt like a “I’ve made it” moment

Hey all, I'd like to pick the brains of anyone who does this job with a chronic illness and a billable hour requirement. Up until recently, I was surviving, but I've hit a really bad flare of my conditions and am STRUGGLING. It's gotten so bad that I've started contemplating a leave of absence or accommodations because I can't keep up.

I'm a non-equity partner (AKA, partner in name only) and still have a billable hour requirement. I'm going to hit it for the year, but it is the closest to the requirement that I've ever been. I usually exceed it by a decent chunk.

I'm also drowning on my file load and don't really have anyone I can ask to help. I've reached out to my equities, and they just tell me to "let them know what I need" which is... not helpful.

For those of you who deal with conditions that come with flares and periods of misery, how do you navigate this profession? If you asked for accommodations, what sort of things have you asked for/been granted?

And for those of you who have gone down that path, have you experienced any repercussions? I know it's supposed to be protected, but let's be real, reality and law are often not aligned.

I have been practicing for 12ish years, and have been in the same small firm since law school. The stress and hours required are easily manageable, but to go along with that is a lower set pay rate. The trade off has been more or less worth it for family and outside of work purposes. Plus, my spouse makes way more than me and so I sort of play second fiddle in that regard (no complaints here).

Over the last year, office dynamics regarding firm financial stability, fee sharing, etc. have caused me more than once to begin a search for a new place to land. Ultimately, the law firm options are/were not attractive to me during these searches.

Prior to law school, I worked in the retirement plan/pension industry with a mid-sized firm. Several times since graduation, they have reached out to me in an effort to hire me back. I really enjoyed the work and clients, but at the time felt that I needed to have a "trade" so I went to law school. I estimate that I would improve my income by 30-50k per year if I went back to this industry. The work involved would be loosely related to law at best. The immediate drawback would be some required travel.

As I think through the +/- of this move, I wonder what the optics would be if/when I wanted to move back into law. Ideally, I would find an in-house position if I did move back into law, but would also consider a firm position depending on the circumstances.

For those that have seen or done something similar, what is your take on someone leaving the practice of law (with a decade plus of experience) and later re-entering practice?

I’m an in-house attorney and started out as the first/only attorney at my company. We’ve grown to the point where I’ll soon be hiring another attorney, which means I’ll also be managing an attorney for the first time.

I’ve managed paralegals in previous roles, but never another lawyer, so I’d love to hear from people who have been in a similar position.

Any tips, books, articles, podcasts, etc. that helped you become a better manager? Also curious about anything you wish you’d known before you started managing attorneys.

I’m especially interested in how people handle delegation and autonomy, dividing up responsibilities when going from a one-person legal department to a team, giving useful feedback, and generally making the transition from “I handle everything” to actually managing and developing someone else.

Would also love to hear about mistakes you made as a new manager (or things you’ve seen other first-time managers get wrong).

Basically, I want to be intentional about learning how to manage well rather than assuming I’ll figure it out as I go. Any advice or resources would be appreciated!

Context: I took that shit three times. I remember the pain of getting the notice that I failed. (How much did I fail by? 4 points the first time and 1 point the second time.)

There’s a kid in my office that just got his results. He missed it by one point.

Believe you me this kid is SMART. He’s articulate, put together, a good writer, and driven as hell. He outworks most of the lawyers in the office.

I can‘t stand seeing how crushed he is. I can see that he’s doubting his own intelligence and ability to do this. I know he can. I’ve done it myself.

But fuck, it hurts watching him go through it.

Edit: Some of you “pro-bar” folks really suck at reading comprehension.

Second Edit: We are all going to die, and your passage of the bar the first time is not a marker of your superiority and won’t matter at your funeral.

A firm is potentially interested in poaching me for a potentially very good raise. They've asked for current writing samples. I've done some recent motions that I'm very proud of, and those are publicly filed documents. If I send copies to the hiring manager, do I need to redact anything? Any other procedures I should know about?

Maybe this belongs in a mental health subreddit, but here i am anyway.

I lateraled to a new firm last month. I will have practiced for 4 years at the end of this month and thus I am a senior associate.

I did a project for a partner I obviously had not worked for before since I just started at this firm. Defending a charge of discrimination, which obviously included investigating the claims, reviewing a bunch of documents and emails, doing client calls, etc, and then preparing the response, which was a 16 or 18 page single spaced letter to the agency with detailed legal analysis. The work also included an advising on some issues with the charging party on what to do with their ongoing employment.

Overall I billed about 42 hours throughout the month on this project. Billing rate of about 375 an hour.

Today I reviewed the pre-bill and it appears that the partner wrote off 16 entire hours of mine. Also, the partner for some reason reduced my billing rate down to like $130 an hour, and made his billing rate less than half of what his ordinary billing rate is too. Obviously it seems he's trying to get this client a discount.

I have been spiraling since and I cannot focus on anything. All I can think is that this partner probably thinks I'm an idiot and spent way too much time on the project. And I am also worried that my raise in January is going to suck because they're going to think that I am inefficient attorney and behind where I should be as a 5th Year associate. I'm mad at the attorney for the lack of transparency and I feel stressed and anxious and depressed.

I have basically been on the verge of a panic attack since then and luckily am prescribed xanax or I would be much worse off right now. I just want to cry. I feel like such a failure. But the tears won't come.

The response I wrote to the charge was really good and very detailed. Too detailed though, I guess, because that was the main criticism from the partner about it. Apparently he likes his charge responses to be very non detailed and not include many facts and also not include exhibits. Well that would have saved me time if I knew that before I wrote the whole thing, but that's another point. And regardless, that would have only cut off maybe 5 hours from my overall time spent doing the project.

I want to talk about this situation with my mentor partner. Otherwise it will just keep weighing on me and I will just keep stressing out about my billing in general and it's going to make my life suck to always question how much time things are taking me throughout the day.

Also I came from a firm where I had a 99% realization rate. I am used to not having my time cut. But apparently at this new firm they want to give up discounts and stuff to clients but doesn't that make me as the associate look bad? How am I supposed to deal with this, feeling like I am getting screwed over where my time is being cut just to appease clients?

I chose the firm because the billable hour requirement is a lot less than most firms and the salary was still competitive. But now I'm second-guessing everything and thinking maybe I should have taken one of the big law jobs I could have gotten. I'm billing a ton at this new firm anyway despite the lower billable hour requirement.

My mental health is poor in general these days too, which obviously is having a big impact on my reaction to this.

I don't want to work anymore. This all just feels like a big torture exercise. Did I mention that despite making nearly $200,000 a year I am still thousands of dollars in debt, cannot afford student loan payments, and live paycheck to paycheck? Unlike the other associates at my firm, I have a family and kids to take care of and I really depend on raises and bonuses. And the economy sucks. And unlike the partners who can apparently just cut their time like that and give clients left and right like they're throwing out free money, I do not have the finances for discounts. I was born in 1994 and my generation is screwed. I pay way more than I should be paying for my crappy house and groceries cost a ton. Having kids is also really freaking expensive and stressful and whenever I'm not feeling I'm driving my kids around to different sporting events and activities. And if I'm not doing that then I'm feeling guilty if I'm not spending time with them. Because as it is I do not get very much time with them because I work so damn much. Once again, I just want to mention this is feels like a big torture exercise on me. Like this is some simulation and it's just trying to make me suffer.

And I'm supposed to just pick myself up again tomorrow, and do the same thing? After this blow to my self esteem, having 16/42 of my hours cut (almost 1/3)? Work hard knowing that some boomer partner who makes three times what I make and who bought their mansion for the same amount I paid for my mold-infested dump i's just going to cut my time like it's nothing? Because they want to make their client happy? What about making their employees happy? And I'm supposed to keep working this hard to have distress about maybe not getting a better raise in January because of this?

Maybe i'm not cut out for this career. But guess what? I don't have a choice. I have to earn at at least what I make now to survive in this economy. It's not like I can go just switch careers or something. Nothing else would pay me nearly as much. And honestly I usually like what I do. But that enjoyment quickly turns into all bad when something like this happens.

EDIT: turns out the partner did not do any type of discount regarding billing rates. I found an email in the file - this ended up being an insured file and the insurer only pays for associates with six or more years of experience. My firm only found out it was an insured file toward the end of me working on the project, I guess. (I just searched and found an email from the client about it.) So the partner charged the insurance rate for themselves, but only billed me for paralegal time (135/hour) and cut 16 hours on top of that. Overall it just seems like a bad financial situation and I hate that I was caught up in it right after joining the firm.

As the only attorney in my friend group, I've been asked again for advice I do not have. That said, I'm looking for recommendations to share. It's a high income / net-worth / assets family, there are children involved and they've been married less than 7 years. This is one of my good friends and I would like to be able to provide a shortlist for attorneys in the northern NJ area, preferably ones used to working with wall street clientele and the like.

Hey, I am Maritime/Admiralty Lawyer with 2 years experience. I am looking for a job switch and I want to understand how legal professionals present their experience in the corporate world.

I’d especially love to connect with lawyers working in shipping and logistics, maritime law, and in-house legal departments of corporate.