Alright workshop. Back again today with a bit more since there was some interest in the prior prompt. I think I'm here less with an intention to solicit feedback, but moreso to illustrate a point. The most well written posts don't nessecarily get the most responses (or quality responses, even) and in fact the opposite is often true. This was one of my first posts on DPP (initially made in response to someone else's prompt who I really liked, actually!) and it has a fond place in my heart. I do come back to it occasionally, but I find that it's generally rather difficult to find partners for it, and in a sense the effort required to build it out may have far exceeded the amount of actual playtime I got from it.
My general impression as an RPer has been shaped a lot by how I notice responses to my posts are. My intuition says that many people are moreso looking for vague ideas to get horny about, rather than an already built story which would often take away from creativity and imagination.
It's a very long post, but I thought it would be interesting to discuss our experiences with how well novella-type prompts do in general, and any advice we may have about this one in particular if anything comes to mind. Feel free to skip and get right to discussion, the post again, is mostly to illustrate the point.
Prompt Below:
Ediaka, Raopani– 1853. Aboard the Spear of Kratos
Waves crashed against the Spear’s cool spikes as the sun crawled to the horizon, her burning face turning away as the ship approached. As she fled, the Spear pursued, strong wooden hulls plowing through the pristine, sparkling waters. The gunboat set a steady pace, scattering the gulls as it tore through the wailing wind.
Standing there, amid the first rays of dawn, the Spear of Kratos was magnificent. Triple masted, with each flag each fifty feet high, the Spear towered over Ediaki bay. Dozens of galleys long and several formations wide, the ship was a giant, a veteran of a dozen battles. Looming above even the pagodas ashore, it was a palace in the waters, a castle in the sea.
Before him, the Raoponese fishing boats cowered, slack jawed fishermen pointing and cawing as the gunboat approached, announcing his arrival with the blast of a cannon. A blank shell catapulted through the sky, soaring higher than the birds before exploding in a rain of fire. The sun shirked back, her light dimming as she fled. At bay, the roar of the cannon blast overtook the screams of the fisherwoman.
“Maouu! Maouu!”
“Kamikaze!”
“Shini! Shini! Shinigami!”
The fisherwomen cried then. Of demons, of death, of divine wrath, and they fled. As they should. This was a conqueror's vessel, after all.
Aboard the Spear, overlooking the bay, Commodore Alexander smiled. “Look, pet. See the cherry blossoms of your homeland? Soon, they’ll be mine.” As he spoke, his hands ran down the woman’s body, into the wet slit of her arousal. His breath was hot on her neck. “Like you.”
Under the Commodore’s touch, Yana shivered. She had been a proud woman once, when departing this very bay. Unstoppable, as she set sail with a fleet of hundreds and a crew of thousands more. Onizaki Yanako, first Admiral of the empire, steerer of the Shogun’s ships, mistress of the sea. Those measly white pirates of the Dutchlands would be no trouble to her. Or so she thought.
It had gone well enough at first. Insolent traders, stowaways, vagrants. Unworthy scum, unfit to clean her boots in Ediaka. She captured them in the dozens, and made them swear to never defile Ameratsu’s land with their unworthy bodies. They submitted then, and if they did not she had their tongues pulled and tossed into the ocean. Such it was, ship after ship, until the Deloians approached with their Spear.
Its sails were black, its teeth were iron, and from it’s forty maws the fires of heaven spewed forth to consume all. Yana could’ve retreated then, with her navy intact. But she was too prideful. Two dozen times she sailed forth, and two dozen times she was repelled, her ships torn apart by cannonfire. By the time the Deloians seized her, tossing her at the feet of their Captain, she was naked in both ways. An Admiral without a navy. Her ships laid in charred ruins beneath the sea, along with her armor and clothes.
So now here she was, naked save a trimmed kimono favored by the dock whores which entertained her soldiers. The flowered dress was hardly elegant before the Commodore had edits made, afterwards it was slutty beyond belief. The top had been removed, allowing Yana’s full breasts to spill through the fabric, her nipples standing at pert attention. Three separate slits ran down from the midsection, baring her thighs. Most humiliating, the midsection had been cut also, and now the only thing sparing her from undressing was a thin clasp that held the top and bottom together. Her whole stomach was bared. As was, of course, her cunt.
Now she was moaning, pitiful moans escaping her traitorous mouth as the Commodore plowed her from behind. “Ah… Master, please-”
Yana hated it. Hated being the plaything of this barbarian. Hated being constrained by his barbarous tongue, which she had been forced to learn. Hated being half naked and helpless as she was bent over the railing of the ship, her cunt clenching around his cock in soft squelching sounds as she moaned. Most of all, she hated how hot it made her feel, how her cheeks went red, her heart fluttered, and her traitorous mouth moaned for more.
“I wonder what I will do to them, once I have them under my thumb. Should I tax them, maybe? Toss them in public brothels? Force them to learn a civilized language, so they can slobber their allegiance to us every morning?” He thrusted, harder, faster, as Yana moaned. She squirmed, her full breasts jiggling over the railing as astonished fisherwomen pointed.
“Is that her?”
“It’s her! It must be! The Admiral!”
Her face turned red. “M-master. Please. Please don’t.” She whimpered. “They’ll see. Ah!”
“They should.” Alexander said, railing her mercilessly, each thrust taking him deeper and deeper within him. “I want them to see what they’ll become soon enough.”
Yana couldn’t stop the moan from escaping her. But she protested anyways, for all the good that would do. “No… no, you can’t! It’s not right! It’s not right!” Her moan became a scream of pleasure as spasms wracked her body.
“Right?” The commodore’s eyes glinted. “I think you may be under a few mistaken impressions, pet.” He bit down softly on her ear, making her shriek. “Right, as the world goes…” He whispered, his hands running down her breasts, her thighs. “-is only a question between equals in power. The strong do what they will. And the weak…” She felt a dull thump as his impossibly large cock hit her cervix. “-suffer as they must.”
“AAAAAHHHHHHHH~~”
Alexander chuckled as his pet clenched, her legs wrapping around his hard cock, and came, sending stream after stream of his seed into her. Breeding her. She gasped, her eyes rolling to the back of her head before she collapsed, her cunt dripping with his seed.
He stepped on her broken, cum splattered face then, like a hunter over his trophy, and looked onwards. Towards Ediaki. Then he smiled.
There would be many more to come.
~~~
Hi DPP! Sorry for the monster post, but yes, I'm very into RP! Here especially, with nationplay. I want to grab an ancient, proud, uppity matriarchal civilization, and have it broken on a conqueror's cock. I'm very into the symbolic and degradation aspects of it: the army being disbanded and sold into the brothels. The treasury being pimped out to the conquerors. The empress falling to her knees to service her new ruler... etc etc.
If you can't tell already, my biggest kink is literacy, so fellow novella writers greatly encouraged! However, I'd value sexy scenes and creative ideas for what to do with the colonials much more than pure writing technique. That said, I'm always open to editing/changing setting if you'd prefer. If anyone has a writing sample and a kinklist, my DMs are open!
~~~
Whew, ok, that was a long post, and most of you probably didn't read it haha. But, I rest my case. This is a post that was much well thought out, built, and written than most of my others, and it does not nessecarily perform better even though I have all the elements of a world, character and plot. Thus my thesis: an RPer is generally better off cultivation topics of lewd ideas than writing out a specific one, it's more efficent and allows for more creativity once you actually find a partner.
What do we think?