How did you get your wife to finally agree to have sex with another man? I’ve provided some background, with my question at the end.
I’ve made mistakes trying to convince her, and have been working to course correct. Some of it seems to be working (or maybe it’s just time passing and us shifting into a new phase of our lives).
At first (years ago) I gave her permission to sleep with whoever she wanted when she went to a bachelorette party for the weekend… she thought I was trying to TRICK her, and that I wanted her to “cheat” as an attempt/effort for it to be okay for me to cheat. She didn’t understand that I want her to fuck someone else, and that I don’t want or need anyone but her.
I brought it up again, asking her if she’d sleep with another man, explaining to her that I’m into that. She was confused, upset, and was even crying. She told me to stop asking, and so I did. If she was firm, I’d leave it alone like I promised.
As the years went by, she’d bring it up from time to time. She’d ask for clarification, which led to me explaining it best by comparing it to a threesome. I told her most guys would want two chicks, but I want another man in our bedroom. I had to explain that it’s not that I’m gay/bi, but that I want to see her as a slut, and my fantasy is getting to watch her get fucked by another guy.
Other times, and more recently she brought it up again, saying “I know your biggest fantasy!” and then separately at a bar/club she heard someone talking about poly-life, and she smiled at me saying “oh yeah, you want to bring in another man!” like she was excited about it, but she had several drinks by that point (we hardly ever drink).
On a side note, she’ll also point out other men to me when she notices the guy has a big dick. She’ll stare at his bulge/outline of his big dick and she’ll want me to look too or maybe just to let me know that she’s looking at another guys dick. Even on a vacation to Europe (nude statues and paintings) she said “all these dicks are making me horny!”
This journey has been years. We’re close to being empty nesters, and she recently started taking testosterone shots to increase her libido.
The further time goes on, the more she seems interested. She’s not shutting it down like she did in the past, but instead is bringing it up to me.
So finally to my QUESTIONS… What does it take? What worked for you? How did you/your wife finally make it happen? Was there a switch that flipped? An ah ha moment? Or just slow acceptance over time? Did it take a certain guy or certain type of guy, maybe a certain set of conditions? Was there any psychology involved? Is there anything that helped warm her up to the idea?