Hi all, after much meditation on the subject, I wanted to share with you the most attractive NPCs located in Elden Ring. I know it’s mainstream slop, but you can’t deny there’s some hotties lurking there! This list is subjective, please let me know your thoughts below.

1.) Melina - yes, this is obvious shoe in for the spot on this list. She’s popular for a reason! Her helpfulness and stunning good looks really gets my fire going. Plus, she’s a horse girl. Is there more that needs to be said?

2.) Twin Maiden Husks - I feel like this one is cheating. They’re considered a single entity, despite being two of them. Two of them! Easy placement on this list. The fact they sell various, uhm, trinkets is the icing on the cake!

3.) Midra - there is beauty in sacrifice, for what is love if not laying down your self for another? This places Midra relatively high on this list. Additionally, he knows his way around penetration.

4.) Torrent - why have the horse girl when you can have the horse? Is there more that needs to be said?

5.) Giant Land Octopus - oh my god the eating animation of your character places this at number one easily oh my god the lore of your body being used for her young’s nutrients oh my god.

Thanks for reading. Time to play Elden Ring

Seriously, has nobody made this joke before?

edit: just realized OP's name didn't get screenshotted but u/Fun-Meal1699 made the original post

Ever since I was a wee lad the swamp areas in souls games have had a hold on me, so much so to the point I grew to love and eventually fall for these areas. Their lakes that slow you down to a crawl.... The sounds of the bog and annoying enemies that love to either poke you from across the map or can wade in the mud faster than you.... The green filters and the imaginary stench.... god just thinking about it now has me on edge! Sometimes, even when my parents tell me to for weeks on end, I'll sit in my room and never bathe not even once, just so I can smell somewhat like the loves of my life. I don't care what society thinks of me, I've lost hundreds of gallons to these stinky green beauties and I would do it all over again every day of my life. Every day I make a new character and make him look like me but all green, as the deprived class of course, and take him to the swamp areas so I can bask in their gooey sludges and make them mine. My current fastest run is around 1 hour and 15 minutes, but I know I can get to my lovely ladies faster than that.

Recently however I've ran into a problem. See, I want to get married to the swamp areas in all of the souls games. Problem is that I don't have enough money to actually run the luxurious venue I chose for me and my stinky green and sludgy wives. I have however made a decision, to stream a sludgy marathon for every souls game to see how far I can get to a stinky swamp in every game (minus the ones without one.) and raise money for the venue. All who watch and donate will be invited to the wedding as my best men, aside from the stinky green dudes from Dark souls 2 that I NEVER kill, those are my bros.

PLEASE do come by and help me out, it would mean so much to me and my soon to be wives.

Love; Me (19M) and my loves (17F, 15F, 12F, 11F, 10F, 7F, and 4F (These are the release dates of the games that Michael Zaki released for me to love on my beauties ;))