r/GirlDinnerDiaries • u/kidnappedgoddess Barbecutie • 2d ago
Trigger Warning ā ļø My friend is not with us anymore
White onigiri, miso soup with mushrooms, pickles
Warning: major trigger warning. Suicide. Transphobia.
She took her life on Friday. Now I'm eating my Buddhist monk-like lunch at work, trying not to cry. Some of my favorite food, and I can't really taste it.
She will be buried tomorrow, in a religious cerimony I will not partecipate because that religion doesn't want me. Or her. She was transgender, too, but the priest will use her wrong name, and they will put it on her tomb. Her dead name.
Her mother come up in a WhatsApp chat this morning, using her account, like a ghost writing. She chastised her boyfriend for "outing" her in telling us all of her death. I am moderator of that chat, and had to write the mother the truth, that her daughter WAS trans, and we ALL know and if she was under the impression that her daughter was in the closet was only because she was terrified to come out to her religious family.
She will be buried with the wrong name.
I can't tell what I'm eating, I can't taste the food. She killed herself and will will be buried with the wrong name.
I should be the witch. I should be the one helping others to process the mourning, to lead the remembrance rites. I'm doing a bit of that. I'm using that little power I have in our space to write the right things, to protect hey memory. They are saying my words are perfect.
But I feel hollow, and this food has no taste.
ETA: follow up. At the funeral https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/IUkKrPlEWA
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u/Downtown-Half-2716 hot girls have tummy troubles 2d ago
I'm happy to know she had people that saw her and loved her exactly for who she was. My heart goes out to you ā¤ļø Sending love and support
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u/ProfitIntelligent137 Assigned Hungry At Birth 2d ago
Stay strong sister, I will light a candle for her in her honor and memory, to her respect, shall her triumph never be forgotten. Im sorry, that this world is so cruel.
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u/uwunyanya New Recruit š³ļøāā§ļø 2d ago
Hey. I have someone very close to me burried under the wrong name. Its difficult. Really fucking hard. But if you can find the strength, try to visit her grave. Do what you can to fix their hate. Its something I havent done yet but its something that I will do once I have the financial freedom to go to the city where they are burried again. I had to be the one trying to hold everything together when it happened for me too. Please make sure to take time for yourself. Youre hurting too and you are going to end up hurting yourself if you push yourself too hard while grieving
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u/Practical-Cook5042 š Pickle Freak š 2d ago
ā¤ļø
Mourning has no timeline. Honor them when you are ready. From another Pagan, Samhain is coming up that's a good traditional time.
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u/kidnappedgoddess Barbecutie 2d ago
Neve said I'm pagan, but I appreciate the sentiment. Thank you.
November 20th will be Transgender Day of Remembrance. Her name will not be forgotten.
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u/fuzzyizmit Body By Cheese š§ 2d ago
I am so sorry for you and everyone who loved your friend. Please honor her, hold her memory, and may her spirit feel the love that her family never could never give her.