Hello,

My name is Jessi Schroeder, and I am a fourth-year doctoral candidate in the Department of Counseling Psychology, Social Psychology, and Counseling at Ball State University. I have focused on research pertaining to BDSM and disability for the past approximately 8 years, and I consider myself a BDSM practitioner.

As such, I am conducting the following study regarding the relationship between chronic pain, BDSM, and sexual health: “The Costs and Benefits of Sex: How BDSM Relates to the Sexual Satisfaction of those with Chronic Pain” (Project/Protocol #: IRB-FY2026-373). It should take approximately 30 minutes to complete

Please consider participating in this study at the link below if you are:

1.     At least 18 years old

2.     Experience chronic pain

https://bsu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_eQj1ILcYJJSr2TA

Research subjects will be offered an equal opportunity to be entered into a drawing to receive one of 10 $20 gift cards for their participation.

This study has been approved by the Ball State University Institutional Review Board [IRB-FY2026-373], who can be reached at the Office of Research Integrity at [orihelp@bsu.edu](mailto:orihelp@bsu.edu).

For questions regarding the study, please reach out to Jessi Schroeder [jbeaver@bsu.edu](mailto:jbeaver@bsu.edu) or Dr. Sharon Bowman at [sbowman@bsu.edu](mailto:sbowman@bsu.edu)

Thank you,

Jessi Schroeder (pronouns: she/her)

Counseling Psychology Doctoral Candidate

Department of Counseling Psychology, Social Psychology, and Counseling

Ball State University

Muncie, IN 47306

Wanting to find more positions to help my girlfriend feel more comfortable during sex. She loves knotted toys and doggy is her favorite. But her health has been declining lately and it’s hard for her to hold the position for more than a few minutes before it hurts her and she becomes super weak. What other positions are good for getting the knot to fully pop in and out while thrusting? We use a strap on of course. She also struggles to ride because of her knees and her back. And in missionary we can’t seem to position well enough to get the knot to pop in, it just doesn’t reach the knot especially on the smaller toys that she sometimes prefers when she doesn’t want to have a long session. Or the knot is in a weird angle where it just pushes sideways but won’t enter. Any disability aid sex furniture or support things that would maybe help her? I’ve looked into a doggy sling but we haven’t gotten one yet. We do have a wedge but she has long legs so it can’t even reach her stomach for her to prop up comfortably on it! Are there products that are specifically made to support disabilities?

(POTS, hypertension, hypotension, heart valve circulation issues and blood regurgitation in the heart. Knees dislocate and severe lumbar scoliosis. Arthritis and hip pain)

I became disabled 5 months ago and while I am still mostly self sufficient, I need more help with a lot of simple things. My husband took to helping me with those things immediately. I rarely have to ask. Especially when we have sex, he has already solved a problem before I even notice it. Incredible stuff.

Anyway, apparently I have a daddy kink and im kind of reeling. Ive always been submissive but not like this. It feels like a whole other level of vulnerability. Even though im able to admit it, I'm still not ready to explore it.

So, I have a new dominant partner who loves to inflict pain on me…unless it’s a result of my autoimmune condition. Then she freaks out and begins apologizing like she stole my puppy! I have assured her a million times that it is fine, that I’ve dealt with chronic pain since my late 20s, and that it might even be helpful if some of my pain remaps/overlaps with pleasure. Is anyone else having similar issues?

Here’s an example. So, I have days where I have severe joint pain, particularly in my hands, feet, spine, and hips. My partner was using her spike-heeled shoes to inflict some pain on me, but not in any of those areas. When she shifted her position, she brought one shoe down to rest on my hand. It was remarkably painful, but I also thought it was hot. I thought she was using my chronic condition “against” me to inflict some pain while acting cold and cruel.

My eyes started watering, she realized she was on my hand, and she gasped and started apologizing like crazy. I really tried to reassure her. She can’t make it worse, she wasn’t harming me in a permanent way, and it wasn’t enough to make me safe word. She’s still apologizing a week later. How do I really comfort her and make her see that I’m ok with it? Mere reassurance hasn’t seemed to work.

(Use of uncensored disability slurs.)

I'm visibly disabled and have some visible and facial differences. I use a walker for everyday use and a chair for bigger outings. I reclaim various slurs like cripple and faggot. I remember reading an article from a man who also reclaimed both and being called both in the bedroom, and while I certainly like the latter (as long as it doesn't get too into realistic hate crime territory), I don't jive as much with cripple. It got me thinking though about other ways to specifically incorporate disability into kink play.

So far here's everything I've thought of or seen others mention, with fluffier stuff on top and more hardcore stuff on bottom:

• disabled Dom is royalty and their sub handles everything they need, whether that's making them food or eating them out/riding them
• using disability as an excuse to give special treatment, like "you're so delicate darling, please let me do that for you," muscle atrophy framed as "too good to walk," etc.; basically the same as previous but framed in a softer, loving way vs. a duty/servitude way
• using disability care as an act of love/care or service (changing dressings, bathing, dressing)
• medical play specifically tied to disabilities
• using residual limbs in sex
• sex while receiving partner is in wheelchair (so many flavors to this - sub serving disabled dom, objectification or form of restraint for disabled sub...)
• pain play as pain management
• use of mental disability as part of dumbification kink or ageplay/petplay (physical disability could also be used as "proof" a sub needs to be little/a pet)
• use of disability in kinks that involve being immobile, like doll play or objectification
• (carefully) using lack of body sensation (e.g. teasing about how disabled partner can't feel a sensation)
• using disability care as sub tasks, either as disabled sub having to do self-care tasks or sub having to do disabled Dom's health tasks
• attaching restraints to braces/mobility aids
• using sub's disability against them with impossible tasks
• incorporate mobility aids into worship tasks - impossible "clean my chair wheels every time they move" (or "come into the house in your chair but don't get a speck of dirt on my floor") type tasks or something like bootlicking done on a cane
• humiliating sub with disability things they find embarrassing - making them walk unassisted in public when they're wobbly, loudly bringing up their incontinence or how they change your catheter, scolding them like a child for spilling things on themself...
• using sub's disability as degradation - physical ability, social standing, intelligence, etc.
• using Dom's disability as degradation for sub ("you can't even fight off some cripple?"/"you're letting a gimp take you right now"/"worship my shriveled stump")
• roleplay stranger trying to take advantage of disabled person, either as a straight CNC scene or a power swap "don't underestimate me" one
• making disabled sub crawl and drag their legs
• emphasizing how disabled sub can't physically run away or how they're an "easy target"
• incorporating pain meds/withholding pain meds
• disabled sub is meant to serve their superior abled Dom and sex is the only thing they're good for, or having sex in a way that only satisfies the abled Dom
• fear play through taking disabled sub's equipment or other realistic disability-related threats ("I could leave the room right now and you'd have no idea," Dom pretending they gave diabetic sub full-sugar food instead of sugar-free, pretending to misdose medication)

Would love to hear anything else you've thought of! Most of my list is obviously things that relate to me, but any kind of disability or kink is very much welcome. I haven't been able to find much beyond basic devotee fantasies or just calling a disabled sub an "ugly useless (insert slur of choice)," which don't really do anything for me. And of course let me know if any examples I gave are confusing or unclear.

I get non-epileptic seizures, usually at least one a day. I stay coherent thru the entire thing, and they last from 1 minute to 2 hours. Coherent just means if you talk to me I will be able to respond at some point.

While it is happening I can’t breathe, or see, my legs lock up, and I either arch forward or backwards. The only thing I can control is my arms and hands. So I can give a thumbs up or down, possibly grab something.

When I arch forwards it is no big deal, I can usually guide myself to the ground and deal with it. When I arch backwards, that is a problem. I have to grab onto something. If I’m indoors I can grab a wall or furniture…usually.

But today I was arching backwards and I had nothing to grab and my wife had to come and grab me. So what do I grab…a boob.

In my defense, they do make great hand holds. But this was the first time I’ve sported an erection thru a seizure. I ended up laying on the ground, she put my head in her lap, where I stayed for the next 20 minutes until by body sorted itself out. While there she would lean forward to drop her boobs on my head, which is appreciated.

I know this is tame by kinkster standards, but it is a way to make a bad time more interesting.

I am hypermobile and probably EDSh, I have a VERY tight kitty and have always had pain with penetration. Firm dildos hurt the most, even if they arent that big.

Last night I was on my back, plenty aroused, and had a new dildo put in that i had to call red on because it was hurting way more than it was pleasurable.

Does anyone have position suggestions, exercises, etc??

Hey everyone,

I am looking for potential ways to prepare for anal play as a paraplegic. I haven't explored a lot so any advice would be useful. Douching works to a certain extent (maybe I am doing it wrong). Enemas are probably the best bet but I don't want to use them all the time. Suppositories work alright, but don't work as well as I would hope them to work. I find that my lower body activates to a certain extent when engaging in anal play (maybe everyone's does?". What are some tips and tricks to enjoy anal play while reducing the level of concern about potential accidents? I know that you cannot reduce the level to zero, but there are precautions to take. Maybe there are some that I haven't thought about? Maybe I am just like anyone else and preparations just take lots of time.

my dom really likes a lot of stuff that takes quite a lot of body energy, and so do i. we are both quite horny all the time, but chronic fatigue (both of us) and pain (mostly just her) often get in the way. she is very gracious with me when i express disappointment that we can’t do something we want to (to be clear i always try to tell her it’s okay and i’m not mad but she can tell i still have disappointed feelings and tries to cheer me up) which is very sweet. but i’m worried that her feelings aren’t being addressed as much as mine? i can tell it’s disappointing for her too to not be able to do the things she wants and to be limited by chronic pain. i love her so much and i want to be as good to her as she is to me. i am wondering if anyone has good ideas for what to do when your dom is expressing that she’d really like to top and dom you, but she’s in too much pain to do so, and it’s making her disappointed? i both want to validate the disappointed feelings and also have “it’s not the same but here’s something else you might like that kinda fits” sorts of suggestions bc i’m totally drawing a blank :(

also important context: she’s stone, so be careful with any suggestions involving touching. she does like being blown tho so maybe that could be tied in

ETA: in case it helps the pain/fatigue is usually hands/joints from eds, migraine pain, or passing out from standing too long from pots

I am a submissive male with a 70% locomotive disability and a partial wheelchair user. I’m looking to gather perspectives and advice from experienced practitioners—particularly female Dominants and experienced riggers—on heavy restraint dynamics.

Because my physical mobility is already limited, being fully bound and silenced creates a very specific dynamic of total helplessness. I’d love to hear how Dominants approach this from a practical and creative standpoint:

Restraint & Gag Choice: What specific items, materials, or equipment setups (e.g., leather, rope, specialized straps, types of gags) do you find most effective and secure when immobilizing a sub with physical limitations?

Scene Structuring: Once a submissive is completely tied up, gagged, and rendered helpless, what is your approach to planning and executing the rest of the scene or control dynamic?

Adaptation: For those who have worked with wheelchair users or disabled subs, what modifications or dynamic shifts do you bring into heavy restraint play?

recently started dating my partner and I’m not quite experienced in pleasuring other people. My fingers are very very stretchy and bend back with pressure. This means that when I try to pleasure my partner, my fingers just bend back and can’t apply enough pressure on their clit. They also end up super sore from hyper extending them. Does anyone else have this issue? Or have any solutions for the issue? I’m unfortunately unable to buy any toys, so can’t use that 💔💔

Hi, everyone,

I’ve had a silly little observation recently, and I’m curious if anyone has noticed the same, or has a solid explanation.

I’ve noticed that when I bottom in impact scenes, there’s a noticeable temperature difference between the skin on my left and right butt cheeks/thighs, with the right one always feeling significantly warmer to the touch. This is despite my domme’s best effort to keep impact equal between both sides; I’ll see similar levels of bruising on each, for example.

I do have hEDS, and my right hip is my most problematic joint when it comes to severity of past injuries, frequency/degree of chronic pain, etc. So my working theory has just been, maybe there’s already more inflammation in that area to begin with, and the overabundance of inflammatory markers makes the temperature change? But it bugs me not knowing for sure, I’m just not satisfied with my own speculation. Does anyone else experience this, or have any insight as to what’s happening?

So I love my husband and he is so, so hot. But the biologics I take for AS (a type of arthritis) has me dry as a carton board (I’m a 37F). I think I am still at an age where I should be enjoying my energy, but honestly I feel so fucking old. All my joints hurt, sometimes i can even feel the little tiny bones that lead to my toes.

How do you reconcile chronic pain + medication + the mental aspect of looking middle aged but feeling like 95?

He breaks my heart when he asks me if I still like him when he feels me dry… even when in my head, I’m wanting sex. The disconnection is so weird.

Burner account as I don‘t want to be exposed as I have identifying information on my main account.

For background: I a(m28) a complete C4 injury, a little over three years since my injury. Have regained very Little function below my line of injury-have very minimal movement below my biceps. All in all for the situation, I believe that I am doing as great as I can; with the exception of the bad days mentally (I like to believe we all have these) from time to time, however they have become quite seldom as that injury date moves further in the rearview mirror.

My question is this: my wife and I were very into kink/bdsm prior to my injury. We were really into soft domination, femdom. Since my SCI, she has almost shuttered the idea altogether as I believe that she is scared of the dynamic due to my injury-and rightfully so. The bigger issue is that we were very sexually active and had a great sex life prior to, and now it is essentially nonexistent. Is there anyone else who has been able to incorporate Kinks their sex life post injury? If so, would love to discuss what/how. Also any advice on how to navigate the issue would be very appreciated!

PS I absolutely love my wife, as she is my side the entire injury and was with me the night that it happened. I just know that there is that lack of fulfillment for both of us–it is not one sided as we have had discussions on this topic, though it has been a while.

I do not seek for medical advices !!

So so so. I’ve been a domme, for well, a while. Now, I’m trying new things. Still figuring out if I’m a sub or a switch (meanwhile I still consider myself as a domme) but it’s not the question. It was more for context.

I have MS and hEDS (multiple sclerosis and elher-danlos syndrom). I saw some posts about that here but not really answering my questions. Anyone who have one of them or both like me (yes, I’m bragging) or who have played with someone who has it/them, is more than welcome to share experiences/story. Similar disease experiences, also welcome of course.

As you can imagine, all that made more than classical pain-resistant. Not to flex but 🤷🏻‍♀️…

(For ms) I’ve read somewhere that impact play, trigger the inflammation. So how do you play with pain when you have MS. I saw electro play but how isn’t it triggering when it has an impact on nerves (not long term but still) ? I guess knifes and blood play are okay (not sure, tell me if you know) ? How to inflict pain but MS friendly ? (I’ve posted that on the MS sub but I guess bdsm is more taboo that MS itself).

(For EDS) it’s more eds that’s causing me chronic pain, everywhere. I’m hyper mobile, like a lot. Pain is general and constant, every part of myself hurt. For eds the problem is not pain or anything. It’s more that I want, a lot, to try suspension, not just shibari. I always have loved ropes but now I want it the other way. I do not know how to do it safely. I want to learn and ear about position that are okay while being hyper mobile and would/could allow me to move, even slightly. For the moment, I feel pain in every positions (outside sex I mean). Can’t stretch or at least didn’t find a safe way to do it. Beside shibari any tips and advices on being tied up, correctly giving my medical conditions, is welcome.

Any inputs is appreciated. I know my body and limits. Let’s be honest, those news limits were not my choices. The same way this made me lose control without asking me…how rude ? Yes, it’s a bad joke to *try* to make it lighter. I’m disable enough to laugh to dark humour, that was there even before those diagnoses 🤓.

You guys, I have posted it, accidentally on a not kinky sub. 😭 trying to recover from the shame.

I’ve recently recovered from some major injuries and now I am permanently unable to full articulate one of my wrists and my knees fatigue very quickly. I’m a femdomme to a man with a penis and I can no longer bounce in his dick due to knee fatigue and not being able to hold myself up with both arms.

I’m looking for topping recs for when I feel like PIV sex where my body is in control but I’m not putting all my weight on my knees or holding myself up with both arms.

I (28F with ME/CFS, Endo and Pots) just had my first ever rope session finally! And greatly enjoyed it. I definitely want to do it more

Now my question is, how do other people with pots (or other conditions that cause autonomic dysregulation or circulation problems) do rope?

Do you have any hot tips? Advice? Suggestions?

I had simple frog ties around my legs and a simple cuff around my wrists. Both with a good amount of slack, easy two fingers of space. What i noticed however, that the position of my body parts mattered very very much. My hands were above my head for a while but the started tingling and sleeping pretty rapidly. Before I was super aware of what was happening the had cramped up and I had lost almost all control of my fingers (will watch this very carefully next time). Having my hands freed and down fixed things in a few minutes.

My legs were perfectly fine as long as I wasn’t above them. Then my feet were are leaving the building and going to do their own thing I guess.

So, any advice? Tips and tricks?

im a type 1 diabetic, what can i lick off his body without causing a diabetic coma? chocolate, no. honey, no. maple syrup, no. what can i eat off of him????

I get my very first NJ tube on Tuesday. I have CRPS (dx 2006 age 20), hEDS (dx’ed 2026 age 40), dysautonomia (dx’ed 2003 age 16- I failed my tilt table before it was cool😂)and Gastroparesis (dx’ed 2012 age 26).

My gastroparesis had always been extremely mild, secondary to the CRPS. I’ve had Gastroparesis flares 3 times now: Nov ‘23 (admitted 1 week and resolved on its own), June ‘24 (admitted 9 days and resolved on its own), and now the past 6-8 weeks. I didn’t even realize that I was in a gastro flare until I realized I was losing weight, got excited because I thought I was doing my bariatric surgery program so well, and my husband pointed out no, it’s because you’re severely limiting food and liquid. And I realized he was right- that I was has severe epigastric pain (initially thought it was just more severe pain as a result of my CRPS), and I was going from drinking a Stanley 2x/day to taking 4 days to drink one. I was also having severe nausea and vomiting.

I spent 2 stints in the hospital over the past month, 4 days and then a week. We did basic fluids only, and the first time I went home because I kept down a melted Italian water ice. I was back less than a week later, super dehydrated, because I saw my PCP for a follow up and she said you have to go back and she thought I needed and NJ tube to give my stomach a break and allow me or get fluids and nutrition.Luckily ER was quick and I was in a room within 6 hours.

Unfortunately, that’s where the good news ends. Turns out, this small community hospital, which is part of the larger hospital system near us, can’t do NJ tubes. Only NG tubes (turns out, the entire hospital system, which is a decent size right outside of Philly, can’t do an NJ placement!). Then I had the doctor scream at me to the point I was in tears and the nurse, charge nurse, and nurse manager submitted an internal incident report because of this doctor’s behavior, and we file a grievance with patient relations. I’ll link my TikTok down below to watch the whole thing, but an NJ tube does not end up happening because I am not confident in my care. I had an appointment with GI in a week. If we need to come back, we will come back.

I saw a different doctor in my PCP’s office on Monday and he was significantly concerned and called GI directly and informed my PCP how bad I was. GI saw me on Wednesday (I saw the female PA), took one look at me and said absolutely not, we are getting you an NJ tube. She could see I was really sick.

So she referred me to get the NJ tube, and they called and said it will be on Tuesday. We are hoping it will be about 4 weeks of the tube. GI says if it’s longer we should look at a J or GJ tube (the actual GU doctor wanted to put a J tube in first and I said why are we jumping to most invasive first when I’ve never needed a tube before and don’t have chronic flares yet?), though we will see.

So I have some questions that I’m hoping yall would be kind enough to answer for me!

I’m interested to know what things I need for an NJ tube. Things that are helpful, necessary, etc. So far, here’s my list of needs (including those I’ve already bought stricken through). If you have a specific Etsy shop you recommend, share that shop!

Flying Squirrel
Hypafix tubie tape
Enfit wrench
Hydrocolloid tape (in place of Duoderm)
Skin barrier wipes
Enfit cleaning brush for screw ends
Electric pull crusher
Manual pull crusher
Enfit medicine bottle adapter size kit
Enfit 10ml Reusable O-ring syringe, 25 pack
Enfit 60mg Rehsable O-ring syringe, 10 pack
Adaptable backpack (also fits on my wheelchair)
TubieTech USB-C charger for Infinity Pump
Feed bag stand (3D printed by friend)
Enfit feeding bag cap
Cord clips
Syringe caddy/holder for syringes
Salad spinner for cleaning syringes
OXO Tot drying rack

Am I missing anything? Again, If you have a specific Etsy shop you recommend, share that shop!

Finally, if you have any tips or tricks, important things I need to know, please share away- I’m going to read it all!

I’m having the tube placed at IR. Can I get a dose of anti-anxiety meds to help me keep calm and not freeze up? Also. What’s the best way to keep my tubie tape from looking dingy and disgusting? I’ve heard the warm Coke trick for unclogging a tube. Are there any special items I should ask or push my nurses to get? Can I change the sticker on my Flying Squirrel (the most important one of course!)?!?!

Thank you for your support and love- it may seem silly but I’m definitely feeling uneasy about all this, and while I know it’s needed, I’m nervous.

Thank you all for your tips, tricks, suggestions, important info, and product recommendations!

She has asked to go and get her nails done at the shop

I have picked up new razors to make her smooth :)

I have a few items from amazon (dress and laceup bra) for her to try on for the weekend away soon.

We are going to fix her fetlife profile.

She will be wearing her buttplug for an hour at some point.

Nursed her breasts this morning and plan to do so tomorrow before we get up, I love this as we are so close and cuddle tight.

She has gained a good few points from our game, I need to see if i can tempt her / edge her silly so she spends them :)

What are your plans?

Keep doing the kinks you love

Love

Giles

I picked up a random book from the bargain bin. 'Jilted' by Vi Keeland. It's a contemporary romance, so not exactly kinky.

I just mentioned it here, because I thought someone might enjoy the representation. Sloane, the female lead, has an insulin pump.

The book is cute. It had me kicking my feet and giggling.

Writing this post for a couple different subs, let's see what comes around.

I recently had surgery on my cervical spine. There are many limitations while it heals (~12months). Mostly, I need to be very careful with movements and not strain my neck. This includes

- Turning my head too far up or down, left or right

- Keeping my head in one position / angle tor too long

- Doing any non isometric movements (for now)

- Doing any movements that strain my neck or jaw

- Any impact / sudden movements / vibration in my head/neck/shoulders/arms

So.. HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO EAT PUSSY. Easily my favorite part about sex. Probably one of my favorite hobbies. Very good for the mental health (of everyone involved tbh).

[Also, this is the disclaimer where I say par on my french, but I really didn't find a better phrase than "eat pussy" and while technically correct, "performing cunnilingus on a vulva" just sounds weird. If any non gross terms come to mind, please drop in the comments]

We've thought about having a partner stand in front of me sitting on the floor, but I still think I would end up pushing my head forward, resulting in huge strain on my spinal column..

Sitting on my face is also out, bc too much weight on the neck & head.

??

Please share any advice, ideas, experiences.

My affected vertebraes are C5-7, with high risk of adjacent disc disease.

I am not looking for advice for blow jobs, but if you feel your experience performing those might be helpful / informative, please feel free to share.

This post is 100% serious. I have been running incredible low on those lil feel good hormones after being in immobilizing pain for months... I really really want to make this work without jeopardizing my recovery 🤞

Hi! I have Me/cfs, Fibromyalgia, and am autistic etc. I went to my first kink party this weekend and unfortunately had a very difficult time due to being chronically ill. I’m wondering how others have accommodated spaces like this for them? People converse in standing only places make it hard to get to know new people. I don’t know anyone at these events. Otherwise I could lay on a bed and maybe ask someone randomly to join? Idk it’s very hard being autistic and meeting new people and then also having to deal with pain and fatigue. Looking for anyone that can relate.