And he’s only 17, a senior in high school. We try not to make too much of a big deal about it, mostly to to to keep him level headed, but he was identified as gifted early on. He could read at age 4. He was doing seventh grade math in fourth grade. He’s currently first in his class, out of 300+ students. I think he has like a photographic memory or something.

I’ve been a video gamer all my life, got him started on PlayStation and Wii at like age five; he beat Final Fantasy X in second grade. He currently has six platinum trophies on PS, I have zero.

I got him into basketball when he was young, he started smoking me 1v1 by age fifteen. By fifth grade, he was doing math so advanced that neither my wife or I could help him anymore, not that he even needed our help. He’s a swimmer (captain of the varsity team of course) and has a perfect body; he also has great hair. Mine is gray and thinning.

I’m not really jealous, quite the opposite actually, I’m super proud of course; I’m of the mind that I want my kids to do better than me in life, I just didn’t think that would happen before he became an adult!lol It’s just most times I feel so inferior; i have kind of a dead end job and my wife is the main breadwinner of the family. I know my son thinks he’s better than me. I’ve come to believe that as well. I feel like I’m the stereotypical dumb bumbling dorky suburban dad. Oh did I mention he’s also an inch taller than me now.

This is more of a vent so thanks go it reading; I’ve never really told anyone how I feel about this. I don’t want to come across as insecure to my wife, who probably already sees me as insecure and probably also agrees that our son is already better than me at everything,

tldr: dorky suburban dad has a genius teenage son who is smarter and better than him at everything.

EDIT: Guys, thank you for all the kind and supportive comments! I am truly humbled by all these kind words and you are all absolutely correct- I will do nothing more than continue to show love and support to my son and all my family. Amazing community of dudes we have here, I appreciate you all so much!

Edit 1: We have been together for more than a year and a half.

Edit 2: We are both older than 30 and this was not a random ass Chinese restaurant but rather one that she always talked about. Tbh, she had never told me why :(

Edit 3: Of course, it was not that she had an ex or she stated that she had an ex that infuriated me but that obviously she kept on and on mentioning for neverending minutes how she loved him etc.

Guys, I’d been planning this for weeks. I found a nice Chinese restaurant, ordered a massive Ginger and Scallion Crab, and had the ring in my pocket.

My plan was to wait until after dinner, get down on one knee, and make it a night she’d never forget for ages (or so I thought). Halfway through the meal I told her how much I loved the place and how special I wanted tonight to be.

She looked at me and said, “Oh, I’ve been here before. My ex brought me here once.” Then she spent the next 20 minutes telling me how much she used to love him, she enjoyed being with him etc. I don’t think she realized how much that sentence hurt. I just sat there for a moment, trying to process it with the ring in my pocket and this stupid smile on my face.

Long story short, I lost all my nerve. We finished what we could, but I couldn’t bring myself to stay much longer. I told her I was tired, we went our separate ways, and I drove home feeling absolutely crushed.

PS: For those curious, I did not propose her that night and I am not planning to, at least for a while.

A homeboy is trying to hook me up with his sister, but she has 5 kids.

She's really pretty. She has her head screwed on straight. She's funny, and fun to be around. I could see myself with her specifically, but her kids not so much. I went to high school with one of her baby daddies. Dont see myself dealing with him amicably over the next few years. Mostly a vent.

Dinner: ratsnake I caught in my yard and then air fried.

Dr B. and Benchmark to top it off.

(9/11/26) My 5 year started kindergarten last week at a new school with all new kids and all new teachers. She took the bus for the first time. She's very shy and timid but as the week went on she did better and better. A photo of her was even in the weekly newsletter playing in gym class.

The following week she came down with a fever. Not unusual so we kept her out of school. The following day it remained high with meds so she missed a second day. By day 3 we went to urgent care. They told us to take one additional med and to keep them posted if she doesn't get will. The pediatrician even called later that day to check on her. That night she woke up and became very delirious for a few mintues then snapped out of it. We brought her back to urgent care the next morning and they sent us to the ER to get blood work.

That began the worst day of my life so far. The doctor immediately thought it was leukemia or an infection. A few hours later we found out it was both. Luckily it is the most common form of leukemia with a high success rate. Unfortunately they could not control the infection. She worsened as the day went on eventually going into septic shock. The doctors and nurses tried everything but eventually had to intubate her. Her last words to me while conscious were her struggling to say i love you.

She has since gone on a few more machines. She has an echmo pumping her blood since her right lung is collapsed or full of fluid not sure which. Her heart is too weak to work. She has too much fluid in her body so they also put her on dialysis. Doctors in the pediatric icu and from oncology both say each is treatable on it's own but having both things happen together is very rare. They are doing zoom calls with other doctors to get advice during rounds each morning. I am confident she will walk out of here but it is not easy. Her 3 year old sister just keeps telling her to get better soon. One of the nurses put it best, she's set up to succeed through the equipment but she needs to fight in order to win. My wife and myself are living a surreal nightmare. Idk what I'll do if I lose her. She's literally the glue that holds this family together.

I'm not really eating but this day(s) old bagel and orange juice is my meal for the day

Update (9/12/26): I'm just now opening this before I try to sleep for a few hours as I wanted to be as present as possible for my kids today. I honestly didn't expect anything when I posted this. I had a moment of silence to myself in the bathroom and decided to write how I was feeling and what I was going through then posted it to this sub. THANK YOU for all of the support and advice. Somethings we are already doing and others we will implement.

We have brought her bedtime blanket and books from home. We read to her as often as we can. I also tell her stories about our family (how I met her mom, how we moved to our town, how we got our dogs, etc) and that has been very therapeutic for me.

Our 3 year old came to visit and we walked through the meditation garden with her to find fairies. Getting out of the treatment and getting fresh air has been very helpful. I think it's important for our 3 year old to see the 5 year old and talk to her as well. The staff gave my 3 year old a fairy (bird) house and paint so we could do that in the family lounge away from the chaos of the treatment room. They also gave her a stuff animal, doctors kit, and some badges and electrodes so she can fix her stuffed animal similar to how they are fixing her sister.

The medical staff has been nothing short of amazing and has been saying we will take this 1 day at a time. My 5 year old had a good day today. Her fever is gone, her blood tests look significantly more normal than 24 hours ago. They could hear breathing sounds in her right lung for the first time today. Her dialysis was turned up to remove more fluids and she did great with that. Her oxygen sensor actually has a reading and they said it was because her heart has become strong enough to actually pump the blood up to her ear where they have it. Her echmo useage decreased from 75% to 65% and they said at 40% she can stop using it. We have a very long way to go but this was a step in the right direction, she truly is a fighter.

For anyone reading this going through a similar situation, we started asking family and friends to send us voice memos to play for her. That has been great to know you have so many people supporting her and it's a nice break from just talking.

Other things I've learned the last 24 hours:

-it's ok to be weak. It's ok to cry and let someone else hold you.

-stay off chat gpt and meticulously reviewing her medical chart. The providers know more than you and more about your child than Ai. It'll drive you crazy and mentally drain you. Ask the providers as many questions as you can so you can get more familiar and comfortable (?) with what is going on.

-get outside, even if for 5 minutes. Staying trapped in that room all day is not good for you mentally.

Still not eating much. Only took a few bites of the bagel but managed to eat 3 chicken tenders for dinner and a piece of broccoli. I'm feeling more confident than I did when I posted this.

Update 2 (9/17/26): Everyone is doing better! My daughter is off the echmo, ventilator, and dialysis! Shes slowly waking up and will hopefully be moved out of the ICU to oncology in the next few days! Because of that my wife and I are doing immensely better. Thank you everyone for all of the support. I made a carebridge page so if anyone wants to see updates go here

Update 3 (9/21): Not much to update. Still in the PICU. She's making progress but not like before. Regardless she's not going backwards so I'll take it. She still is on CPAP for breathing as well as IVs for medication. Awaiting a port in the next few days to start receiving chemo treatment that way. She seems out of it more than before but I'm sure she's really tired. Hopefully they can move us out of PICU this week.

Her Preschool teacher setup a go fund me for her. I am a small business owner so I have been closed this whole time and don't plan on reopening until she's back home. The funds will help support me being with her as well as pay her medical bills. The go fund me can be found here

Thank you everyone for the support.

Update 4 (9/24/26): We are still in the PICU. Her brain CT and EEG has come back negative. She had a PICC line placed in her arm to continue receiving chemotherapy. She had a line put into her chest to remove some fluid and over 700 ml (over 20 oz) of fluid drained! She's been breathing much better since. They have her alternating between CPAP and high flow oxygen to help her breathe, which is a step in the right direction. She started eating yesterday and devoured some Italian ice.

She has been mostly non-verbal since being extubated 1 week ago but she did say "mommy" twice the other day. She's been communicating much better non-verbally with head movements, she has been sleeping better at night, and is more active during the day.

Still working on lowering her medications so we can move her over to the oncology floor, but all steps in the right direction!

Update (9/28): It's going. I've been trying to reply to all the DMs but haven't replied to any comments. I do try to read all of them and I appreciate the success stories and advice. My daughter is doing well overall. We are still in the PICU but she is more interactive. She sat in a chair and at times can be pretty talkative. They took her off oxygen so she's fully breathing on her own. They also got rid of a few of the IVs in her arms so that helps with her discomfort. They'll soon do some testing to see if she can eat actual food on her own (currently getting her food through a tube). Unfortunately the fluid has come back in her chest so she will need another chest tube for drainage again.

We've been able to get a more clear picture on why her case was so sudden and fast acting. Along with the Leukemia they discovered she now has HLH (Hemophagocytic Lymphohistiocystosis) which is an inflammatory disease. This led to her body rapidly declining along with the infection and leukemia. The inflammation going throughout her body is what makes her case more unique. The treatment is the same/very similar to the same medication as the leukemia, just not as straightforward since her liver is still pretty inflamed. Her first day here she had what's called a "cytokine storm" from the HLH which temporarily damaged her organs. That "storm" really calmed down and they are trying different drugs since this isn't routine. They've mentioned her case at a nationwide conference and said she was one of the most talked about so that sucks she's that bad/rare of a case but I'm glad to have so many eyes reviewing her care.

She's starting to have some PTSD. She developed a fever the other night and when you have no immune system it's not a good time. It was also a scary look into what the next 2 years holds, as some of you mentioned, but she's worth it. I'm hanging in there. Some days are definitely harder than others. Seems to be 3 steps forward 2 steps back.

Thanks again to everyone for supporting us.

Update (10/12): it's been awhile since I posted an update. We're still in the PICU and they gave us the biggest room they have (because we don't seem to be able to leave)!

Since my last update my daugther has been up and down. She developed 3 new infections. 1 in the PICC line, 1 in her intestines, and 1 that might have spawned from her intestines and traveled back to the PICC. All have cleared so that's been great. She had another chest tube put in since the mysterious chest edema came back and that has since been removed and stable. She did develop mucositis and typhlitis in her intestines. This led to a hole in her colon, bleeding into the intestines, and air into her abdomen. She had to get emergency surgery and have part of her large and small intestine removed.

Fortunately we caught that just in time and she's actually looking better than before. It looks like her HLH is also under control and she's finally producing white blood cells and platelets on her own! Hopefully she can rest and continue to get stronger so we can finally leave but I've been saying that for over a month now she who knows! Mentally the whole family and myself are staying strong. The entire PICU and our community outside of the hospital has been incredibly helpful.

Meal : Steak at a place we had a reservation at, they kindly allowed me to eat alone.

I met a girl who I thought would be my partner for life, we did LDR for 6 months and after some waiting for a visa I gave up everything in my country and moved 5,000 miles to be with her.

She had a work husband but I thought nothing of it, I trusted her completely, my colleagues are all guys and very rarely hang out after work, but each to their own.

After two years things began to go downhill, firstly she got a new job, her work husband went with her. Secondly, we attended one of her school friends weddings, she managed to get one of her girlfriends to bring him as her +1, I barely saw her all night.

For the past few months, every conversation turned into an argument, we were past the point of repair and it was over.

Track back to two days ago and I bump into one of her friends at the Grocery store, we talked briefly, she shared that the work husband was soft launched last weekend. I guess it always was the work husband.

Now sat trying decide whether I stay in the country I thought would be my home forever, I have until Christmas to decide what to do. Raise a glass for me strangers.

See edit at bottom for Monday update.

Update post: https://www.reddit.com/r/BoyDinnerDiaries/comments/1x5fp6q/update_asked_a_coworker_to_dinner_she_practically/

I've worked at this small company for close to a year. I thought I had made a connection with someone I work with. I'll call her Jenny. A bit of background, all employees other than the boss and her are Asian immigrants, myself included. She's the only woman there. I'm the new guy there.

Some reasons I thought we had a connection:

She'd ask about every little thing I had on my desk.

She'd ask about the projects I'm working on and ask me to show her. We work in different departments.

She asked if Asian families are okay with dating non-Asians. I think she specifically referenced white, but it was a long time ago.

She comes to talk to me about random shit the most. Granted I've been here (US) a while and I can actually carry on a conversation with her.

She'd say she's hoping to meet single men, and her weekends are boring.

She'd touch my arms occasionally when we talk. I workout and according to her it shows.

She'd really look into my eyes and smile sometimes.

We sit in an open office area where we can see people come in. So last week a random sales woman came into our building to look for someone. Jenny stood up to see who the visitor was. Then she turned to me and said in an exaggerated and the most sultry voice, with the facial expression to go with it, "I am here to look for <My Name> .." to make fun of the visitor. Her feminine wiles were off the charts.

I burst out laughing. One, because I am a dummy. Two, I laugh when I don't know how to act. Three, see point one, I am a huge dummy. I wish I had let her finish because I was captivated. I wish I was smooth enough to play along with her. But alas I am my worst enemy.

I had been trying to go along with the conventional wisdom of not dating people in your office. Especially since this was a small company. And also I didn't think I was her type. I'd done my best to not think of her that way. But this broke my shit. I thought I'd be a fool not to shoot my shot.

Last Friday at the end of the day, I asked her if she wanted to get some food after work sometime. She couldn't run away fast enough. She said things along the lines of "yeah, okay, we'll do that, etc.", as she was hurrying out the door.

Am I cooked? Did I fuck up?

I'm late 40s and Jenny is early 50s if that helps.

For dinner, Stella and wine from Costco to wallow in my own thoughts. Added potstickers from the fridge to trick AI AutoMod.

Edit: So no big development to update as of yet.  

This morning I felt a tinge of awkwardness.  I'm not sure if it was me projecting or not.  But things quickly went back to business as usual work wise.

She did not bring up me asking her to dinner all day.  I did want to clear the air so late afternoon I asked her about it and let her know that there's no pressure.  We could just carry on business as usually.   She replied yes we can do dinner, just not this week.  And clarified that "it's just a casual thing, right?".  

Probably not too many of you will see this update.  When there's more to update I might make a new post about it.

Meal is a 12oz. ribeye with loaded hash-browns

8 days ago, I had my 29th birthday and my ex (26F) didn't wish me happy birthday, which I didn't bring up until last night when she claimed that she had a shitty workweek because she was dreading a meeting with her supervisor and that she totally forgot despite having "written" it on her calendar back in August, and I've just had enough. The first time, she forgot, I let it slide since we've just started dating. When the second year came, she didn't acknowledge my birthday until a week later. But last week, I realized that if I'm not worth just taking a minute to acknowledge me on my day, then it'll never happen. Meanwhile, me and a group of my best buds went to the MN State Fair to celebrate.

Meanwhile, I pulled all the bells and whistles for her birthdays such as getting her a bunny necklace since she loves bunnies or taking her out to her favorite ramen place with her sisters. But never once have I gotten a gift or went out to my favorite places to eat, and I was just tired of being neglected on my day.

Looking back now, there were a lot of things that I overlooked that should've resulted in us going our separate ways a long time ago, such as her drinking resulted her being verbally and mentally abusive towards me, telling me that she can get "any man she wants."

Right now, I'm just looking forward to the weekend so I can get fucking high, watch some of my favorite shows, build a Lego set I bought as a present to myself, and play video games. And I couldn't be happier.

My wife is from an area with a pretty shallow dating pool. Lots of oil workers, very "traditional" men (work away from home for weeks on end, then drink and go out or buy and play with expensive toys when they're home while wife handles everything, then complain about their family like they ruined their life). That's part of why my wife moved away, and she met me while studying here. One of her friends (we'll call her M) is married to such a man (we'll call him T). She became a SAHM during the tail end of covid. She's been socially isolated by COVID restrictions and her own immune issues, parenting, where they live, and his financial abuse (limiting her "allowance" such that she can't afford to do much). We don't like T. He's a prick. M settled because he's no worse than the rest.

We became parents ourselves about a year ago, and gave all her friends an open invitation to visit and bring their kids. M decided to take us up on it when T wanted to take their kid to a family gathering she couldn't bear attending (that's a whole other story). T took their kid, his sister basically does all of the childcare at these gatherings and she's a great mom which is the only reason M allows this.

So, M visits for a few days. She's never been to our area so we take her on a basic tourist itinerary. I'm functionally a SAHD that has a remote job. My wife is self employed and I support her business in a variety of ways. M watched us juggle our daily lives while hosting a guest. M and my wife went out on their own a few times for meals or day trips. They took our child along for other things to give me space and let me work. It all felt like a pretty basic, low-key visit. We didn't roll out the red carpet, it was business as usual with a third wheel.

A couple weeks later, my wife comes flying through the door saying "M is leaving T! She served him papers and is living with her cousin!". Apparently, her witnessing what a "good" husband looks like (I'm not perfect but I try) was the final straw. She went home and spent the entire day crying before T got back. What she told my wife basically boiled down to her not knowing what it was like to actually have a respectful partner and she couldn't go back to her life after that. She described things I did that weren't anything special for me to do, but were foreign to her, like considering her dietary restrictions when cooking or choosing restaurants, and watching my child while they went out and still managing the household chores. When T left for the fields again, she moved out. He's not contesting her request for full custody. Shocker.

I didn't really do anything and the bar was low with her but it feels validating still.

Anyway, homemade carnitas tacos and green beans.

I've never been hit on in the gym. Let alone by a very attractive woman. Well it finally happened. After weeks of glancing and exchanging looks, my gym crush dropped off a note for me including her number. We started talking for a couple days, we'd workout together later the night after all day texting. We have so much in common in terms of hobbies, she's really nice. And I appreciated how vocal she is with her feelings and attraction towards me. Her stories about the previous weeks of her being nervous and anxious working out near me was so cute and flattering. She held onto that note for a couple days before finally giving it to me. I felt special and lucky to have someone like her take an interest in me. However, after a workout last night we were chatting in the gym parking lot and our ages were brought up during the conversation. I was shocked she said she's 19f. She's equally surprised when i said im 29m. She thought I looked, at max, 23. We stood there in silence for a bit and I said that we can't go down a romantic path. She agreed, we had a productive conversation about it and made jokes about where were you during this year. She made some jokes that there will be a lot of unspoken tension between us, and to not be weirded out if i catch her "fawning" at me, I laughed, but I dont think it was joke. We always workout at the same time and she said that she'll still be looking forward to see me every night since I'm a familiar face. I proposed we can be gym bro/sis. She agreed. I feel sad that I had to mourn something that could potentially happen, especially with someone I actually had a crush on. She said its just wrong timing, and there are no hard feelings. Her last text was her telling me to get home safe and text her when I get home. I haven't texted her back, i want to create distance emotionally and I know she will too.

Anyways salmon bake for dinner

Edit: I was not expecting this post to blow up and cause some interesting discourse in this tread. Thank you to all the kind comments. Some comments were questionable and icky but its the internet soo. I've seen a lot of comments about her being to young and is not mature enough. Before I knew her real age, I thought she was genuinely close to my age just by the way she carried herself and spoke about her job, plus she looked strong. The reason it wouldn't workout is because it doesn't feel right for me, she stated that she has no problem with the age gap as it is new for her and it was for me as well. But she understands how I felt about it so she agreed to not pursue a romantic path. Also, when we were joking about Where were you this year, i brought how COVID was tough for college students. She rebuked that it was also tough for middle schoolers. We laughed, but there was that subtle discomfort and realization that we're definitely making the best decision.

Recipes salmon bake

The last post was deleted because banana peel is not considered a meal (I understand)

Tomorrow it will be one year since I’m living with hiv

I did therapy about it and I know I carry half of the responsibility for not wearing a condom or taking prep but on the other hand the guy knew he had it and didn’t take his meds and consciously decided to infect me.

I know he knew because when I saw blood I straight away asked him if he had anything, he put his head down and didn’t say a single word, I panicked and I asked again and he remained silent.
I left his house and I send him a lot of messages and until today not a single answer.

Things could be different if I went to the hospital but I didn’t.

I already passed the grief phase, I’m undetectable after a month of the positive result and I take my pill everyday religiously without falling, I own that to myself and to others.

My life before hiv was a mess, I did A LOT of drugs since I was 16 (I’m 29 now) a lot of alcohol, I didn’t take care of myself and now I’m the opposite: I’m sober, I go to the gym, I have a healthy diet and I love myself and my life, I have my health checked more frequently than the rest of the population so this is actually a good thing (I don’t pay for anything in my country related to healthcare)

Nowadays hiv is super manageable, just a pill everyday like any other chronic condition. My doctor said it’s easier than living with diabetes for exemple.

I already told to some people I had interest and they were fine about it, I know most of you may disagree but in my country if IM UNDETECTABLE by law I have the right of not tell anyone due privacy reasons. I choose only telling if I see someone has a potencial partner (before anything sexual happens), if it’s something more casual we use protection (I cannot transmite the virus because I take my meds) for other STD.

Dinner is a picture of some beef jerky. I actually have no appetite.

We’ve been best friends 20+ years since high school and after a thousand straws, the one that broke our friendship finally came. My best friend who I’ve been tight with since 05-06, was always MAGA once it became a thing. I am quite the opposite in my beliefs but we always kept it out of our relationship and that was a good enough compromise for me as I still had so much love for him. Things began to fray post pandemic as he became more and more vocal about that shit, even around me. He would get drunk and belligerent and start spouting off that shit and eventually it didn’t require him to get that wasted to get there. The conversations of how that made me uncomfortable became more common but I still held out hope.

We were in Louisville for a bachelor party, a place where I, Chinese male from California, had already expressed some feelings of being uncomfortable prior to the trip. I was joking with the group that I’m gonna get hate crimed out there but it was definitely in the back of my mind. First 2 days he was already pretty insufferable with that shit and I was definitely on edge around him. Then came Sunday at Churchill Downs. We were having a good time and I wasn’t feeling any type of way. A 80 year old vietnam vet started making conversation with our group and eventually my best friend also started chatting with him. As I walk past them to leave as we were all calling Ubers and going to the next spot, I hear him say to this stranger “what do you think about Charlie over here?” I turned around and immediately got in his face “the fuck you just say?” He just laughed in my face. So I slapped him. He continued to laugh and said the words I haven’t forgotten since that day “you don’t belong in this group if you can’t take a joke like that.” I was shocked those words left his mouth. At this point we were being pulled a part and everybody is in my ear about being the bigger man cuz everybody knows what to expect from him. Maybe I should’ve too. Maybe I should’ve known there was no safety around this man I thought was my brother for 20+ years.

I’ve been devastated and on the verge of tears everyday since cuz I know what I have to do and there’s nothing that’s going to be said or done to fix this. I’m meeting up with him tomorrow to read him the break up letter I wrote cuz I owe it to myself to say these things to his face and let him know there’s not going back to normal. Other than my wife, I don’t have a deeper connection with another human and I’m honestly in so much pain that our 20+ year friendship is going to end like this. This just fucking sucks man.

3 layers of chips, chicken, refried beans, and cheese. Topped it with guac and pico

Anyway…. This is just a vent of frustration. Although I’m so happy and proud of my friend I can’t help but just hate myself even more sometimes.

My friend isn’t and never was a scalper. I say that to avoid the Reddit army of haters. I always ask him like how or why the value of cards keep going up even he claims it’s diabolical and insane. Anyway he started with his own collection, content creation , and just dominated. Hes been buying, selling, and trading for a few years now and is doing so so so so so well.

Myself on the other hand, a blue collar worker who I believe gets compensated pretty damn well just making Pennie’s on the dollar while physically just depleting myself. As the years pass I have felt my body slowly deteriorate. Not significantly but like I’d be lying if I said I wake up feeling the same as I did 5-7 years ago.

Im pretty good at staying in my own lane and just minding my own while not comparing myself to others. It just hits a little different when it’s someone you grew up with and are pretty much family. Let alone how they got there. It would be one thing if they got to where they’re at now by being a lawyer, doctor, engineer, some high caliber position of that sort in any career…. But the fact that trading cards and the community that surrounds it has led him to millions just blows my fucking mind.

I almost just want to go live the most minimal life far away from society. I compare myself to him and then compare others to myself and think… damn my bills are paid on time, I have food, I have clean clothes… then there’s others who can’t even say they have that. wtf is this damn timeline

Happy Monday people. I hope you have a nice day and better week.

Poached lobster claws and tails, served on sourdough bread with a herb-creme. Topped with caviar and finger lime pearls. Lobster-bisque to go with the bread and a small portion of cold cucumber-soup with yuzu-oil.

Been seeing this girl for about a month, this should have been our 5th date. Told her I thought of myself as a decent cook – so she told me that I should cook for her and try to "impress her". I fucking cooked for 4 hours today. 30 minutes before our appointment, she texts me and tells me that she is seeing someone else and that she doesn't want to keep in touch.

Well fuck me. At least I get a decent meal today.

Meal is The Rocket Pig at Joe's BBQ in Kansas City.

We (26M, 24F) met on a dating app in July of 2025, and we officially met for the first time when I drove to her home state in October and we were absolutely glued to each other and I thought that after years of wishing for a storybook romance, I had finally found it. We met again in December, and we both made a pretty irrational and in the moment decision of having her come home with me; she had previously lived in my area and she was wanting a change of scenery. So she moved in. I desperately wanted to make things work between us, as I worked up to three jobs to keep us afloat as she refused to get a job and instead wasted away inside of my living room doing nothing but playing video games and watching TV.

The sex died pretty quickly. We were all over each other when I was visiting, by February we hadn't had any semblance of a sex life for a month at that point. I'm no stranger to lack of sex; I dated an asexual for a few years and I was fine with giving it up, but it felt like she didn't want me whatsoever.

In the time she was here (December to July) we took three trips to her home state to visit family and friends. Every time, I had to pay for a rental car to do so, because my shitty red Mazda would more than likely break down if it left city limits. It got to the point where I had to use the Borrow subreddit to pay for these visits, and then I would proceed to Doordash the majority of the time we were up there just so we had gas money to get home. There were many close calls when it came to not being able to pay for the electric/water bills and risking getting those things shut off. Meanwhile, she sat on the couch, complaining about the fact that I wasn't able to bring her takeout or soda on my way home.

The last month she was here, we agreed that this wasn't working out and that she needed to move back. We agreed to stay friends, because while she truly was a nightmare to live with, she was still there for me when I was struggling with my mental health. The last time I saw her, I broke down and cried in her arms. She didn't shed a fucking tear.

She blocked me on everything and has a new boyfriend now. Guess I'm boo boo the fool for thinking I found the one.

TLDR: Long distance is a great way to get your heart ripped out if you're gullible.

Depression meal: reduced Polish ham from Tesco, £0.77. I had two packets.

My (30) girlfriend (26) has a couple of diagnosed mental disorders. OCD, ADHD and Anxiety. She's medicated but she still has bad days where she can become upset or angry and lash out verbally at me.

I am her first partner in her life and she loathes that I have had previous girlfriends and people that I've slept with. She accepts that this isn't my fault but I have to act like no previous encounter has ever happened. If ever a question comes up where the answer involves an ex or someone I've slept with, she gets angry at me for bringing it up. E.g., "Have you been to this restraunt before?" "Yeah once years ago with an old girlfriend" would be a death sentence.

At my univeraity graduation ceremony, I got one of those custom t shirts that they sell. It's custom to every ceremony so it has the University logo and year in the front, ceremony date and the names of all the graduates on the back. There's about 700 names, the font is tiny and impossible to find anyone without scanning for ages but my uni years were honestly the best of my life and I wanted to have this memorabilia for it.

One of the names on that t shirt, if you can scan long enough to find, is my ex. We had a mutual break up and never to this day had a bad thing to say about her. This was unacceptable to my GF to the point that she asked me to never wear it again. I figured I would just comply and hope I can talk her out of it another day.

About a week later, I wash it and go to hang it up when I noticed a hole has been cut in the back. A hole exactly where my ex's name was. Well, it would have but after washing it, the hole was made a little bigger so a few surrounding names have been devoured too. It couldn't have been an accident because I then notice on her desk, the very carefully cut out name of my ex by the scizzors.

She gave me no warning that this would happen, no "I'll cut your shirt up if you ever wear it again" or the like. She just did it when I wasn't looking.

It's been a few months since this happened and she's never mentioned it once. I'm probably not going to either. There's so much other shit like this going on in this relationship that I've already decided to break up soon when I pluck up the courage. I just feel a bit shitty that my t shirt is gone.

I’ve been unemployed for 9 1/2 months and my unemployment benefits ran out. I finally found a new job through a temp agency. It paid more than my last job and it was a great opportunity. The night before, I took a shower and brought out a brand new polo shirt. 7hr hours later I started my new job. The supervisor was friendly and showed me around the their new office. I was very impressed. They had a stocked kitchen and bathroom. Things I never had at any of my past jobs. She explained the job to me and around 30mins later at 10:00am an employee came in to work and took over training.

Not long after that she came back and told me I could take an early lunch later, before 12:00pm. Soon after that she called my trainer into a meeting. When the trainer came back she told me that she had work to do and told me to just sit there for now. Before 12:00 the supervisor came back and again told me to take an early lunch. Well to make a long story short, as I headed out the building the temp agency called me to tell me that they were letting me go. They cited hygiene issues.

I was well groomed, wore a new shirt, showered, etc. At worst my pants could’ve used a lint roller. Unfortunately my supervisor and the company refuse to elaborate. So I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong. Two people have confirmed that I didn’t stink. Could it have been when I scratched my nose and it looked like I was picking it? Maybe at some point I burped with my mouth closed and it was heard? I honestly don’t know and haven’t received closure. The agency has seemingly sided with them and cut me off. I needed that job and was looking forward to working there.

Pictured: Ramen from my favorite cheap ramen spot.

Edit: This has unexpectedly blown up! People keep asking me the same questions so I’ll put the bullet points here.

1. I trust that my friends were not lying to me. They had no reason to. Only one of them lives with me. One of them got real close to me and she said she only smelled a little bit of sweat; with the caveat being she had to get real close to smell anything.

2. I have a cat and dog. My place is clean. I live with a clean freak.

   No one has ever excused me of smelling like a cat or dog.

3. I brush and floss daily. I visited the dentist over the summer. No one has ever told me I had bad breath. One of my friends smelled my breath. That morning only ate an everything bagel about a hour into the job.

4. My pants needed a lint roller but it wasn’t covered in excessive fur. They would have to really be staring at my pants to notice anything.

5. My body spray wasn’t strong.

6. I’m black, I don’t really cook at home, I don’t eat too much stuff that would leave a scent. I don’t believe discrimination was at play.

   The office was diverse

7. My clothes didn’t stink. Again, my friend smelled the shirt I was wearing.

   I’m not a smoker and live in a smoke free household.

8) I

1. thoroughly washed myself, yes, including my ass.

   My hair and beard was the same as it was during the interview.

I dropped my daughter off at school this morning. On my way home, I passed my hopefully soon-to-be ex-wife riding to work with the coworker she left me for.

In September 2020, our daughter was diagnosed with cancer. For the next two and a half years, our lives revolved around getting her through treatment and keeping our family together.
In February 2023, she rang the bell. She was in remission, and we could finally start rebuilding our lives.

We spent much of 2024 and 2025 doing exactly that. Family vacations, making memories, buying a business together. After everything we’d been through, I genuinely thought we were entering the best years of our marriage. I’m a disabled veteran, an actor, & production freelancer. My wife’s most recent dream was to own a salon, and mine was to continue pursuing acting (I booked my 1st national spot the day after she abruptly moved out of our family home.) We were both dream chasers who supported each other. I handled much of the day-to-day parenting and family responsibilities, bills, the dog all while pursuing my career and supporting hers.

In 2025, we bought the salon together. I was proud of what she had accomplished and excited about our future but at the time there was a lot of financial strain that came with acquiring and existing salon. We also acquired the staff…

Then something shifted in December last year. I couldn’t explain it. My intuition told me something was off. I ignored it. By February, she had left me. She told me I needed to get my life together, that she was tired of being my mom, that I was miserable being a stay at home dad (I wasn’t, I was miserable with her always putting herself & her friends before us).

I’m not going to pretend I was a perfect husband. I wasn’t. But I was devoted to our daughter, our marriage, and the life we were building together here. I have no family here. This is where she is from. Her and my daughter were all I had in the place.

There’s one memory that keeps replaying in my head. On January 22, I bought my wife a new iPhone and brought it to her at our salon. She wanted me to just drop it off, but I’m the kind of husband who goes the extra mile. While she was with a client, I took her old phone and spent about 30 minutes transferring everything to the new one. When I finished and went to leave, I’ll never forget the look on her coworker’s face. It was a look of concern, almost terror. At the time, I didn’t understand it. Looking back, I wonder if he thought I’d discovered something on her phone. I hadn’t. I loved her and trusted her too much to even consider what might have been happening. Sometimes I wish I’d figured it out that day. Maybe I could have confronted them both. I could have told him to pack his shit on the spot. Maybe things would have turned out differently. It’s been eight months now.
I go to weekly therapy. I’ve tried talking to her from a place of empathy and understanding. I’ve tried taking accountability for where I may have fallen short in our marriage. But those conversations seem to end in deflection, rejection, or attacks.

I can’t tell you how many nights I’ve spent lying awake replaying everything. Wondering what I did wrong, what I missed, should I have filed for divorce as soon as I did or just let it play out longer, let her get it out of her system.. If there was something, anything I could have done to prevent where i sit today.It’s difficult to reconcile the person I spent so many years loving with the person I’m dealing with today. It’s like I don’t know her or maybe I never really did. Especially after everything we went through together. We watched our daughter fight cancer. We got through those years together. We rebuilt our lives, bought a business, and were finally in a position to enjoy the future we’d worked so hard for. And now here I am, watching her ride to work with someone else at the business we technically still own together.

For now, all I can be is here, eating my protien pancakes in the warm desert sun. Please don’t shame me for it technically not being dinner.

Edit: I am close to delete this post and regret it already.

There are so few outlets outlets for people to vent without being judged or examined or mistrusted. Even in anonymous communities.

My writing was criticed. My choice of style and words. The way I was purposely vague because I am not about to open up about myself with strangers. Some people say it's AI. That hurt.

People called me closeted, cheater, pedo.

I wrote this in the 20 mins it took for the restaurant to prep our order. I used to carry a journal and write but it doesn't help anymore. I wrote here the way I would do for myself. Sorry if my style and the way I put it is not up to your standards.

Thank you to everyone that offered help and diagnosed me. I will take it very much into account. Going to therapy is being in my mind but I wouldn't even know where to start.

We all go through good patches and bad patches and most of us carry on.

I have a near perfect life but feeling blue or tired or invisible can happen to all of us.

I reject the idea that we live in a world where everything needs to be spelled out. What are my forbidden appetites? Doesn't matter. What are yours? You don't have them? Well, good for you.

I do. I want to do things I can no longer do for social or practical reasons.

It doesn't matter if it's OK with you. You don't have to empathize with me and my feelings.

The only reason I am going to leave this up is because I saw it's connected with people feeling the same. A lot have said so in DMs. But honestly if you are in this community to point and judge maybe go somewhere else.

I will not engage in 101 chat but I appreciate everyone who has reached out. Thank you.

****************************

ORIGINAL POST

In my forties.

Love my wife and family. Don’t cheat.

Life feels void.

I am a machine that supports a system I created myself. A mechanical piece of a complex operation every one depends on.

I am loved and cared for but I am increasingly empty.

All of what I once was, no longer am.

Each one of my appetites is forbidden or wrong or frown upon.

I can’t complain. I have an excellent life.

Even coming here people will say “I pity your wife”.

They always do. Because I am not supposed to feel. I am a machine.

Suck it up, Jhonny.

I am here for my children. For their needs. For their dreams and desires even when they don’t want to talk to me, only when they do, then they need my full attention.

Everything my wife and I were before is gone. Love grows and matures, people say. Well, I wish our love was immature.

I wish I never grew up but I was born old.

I am the person I hoped I never was and the person I always looked up to.

Dinner: chicken sandwiches for me and the wife.

This is probably like a canon event for every guy using a dating app, but it’s such a shock to me as I’m a bit clueless about them. So, I downloaded Tinder to find someone. I swapped right on like 6 people I thought were my type, but didn’t get a single match from them.

The next day, I swiped right on a few more women, but no success. I decided to get tinder premium in order to see who swiped right on me and filter between those people. Oh, how naive I was. 24 hours passed and I got no likes.

I figured it might have something to do with my activity on the app and that I needed to swipe on more people, so I went on a pipeline of swiping for 3 hours and relaxed a lot of the visibility constraints on my preferences. I checked every few hours throughout the whole day, and guess what? I found a match! Sike. I didn’t. Not only did I not get a single match, I still didn’t get a single like on my profile.

Either the app was broken, or I am entirely hideous being. My ego went with the former. I decided to change my settings to let me be visible to all genders to see if things would change and if I’d get any swipes at all. I checked like 1.5 days later and I got 90 likes, all from dudes.

I’m not into dudes, unfortunately.

Anyway, I get why people shit on dating apps now. It basically ruined my otherwise intact self-esteem in less than week. I can imagine that women probably get 100s of likes from guys, almost like I did, and just choose like the top 5 best looking guys to swipe right on. This ain’t for me. I’m 23. I don’t wanna ruin my dating confidence over a dating market with such extreme mismatches.

My mom taught me this dish and said it’s Singaporean rice - disclaimer, we’re not Singaporean and idk if it’s actually a Singaporean dish, we just call it that now. It’s rice and noodles topped with chilli chicken, spicy mayo, and jalapeños.

Edit: I got lots of DMs asking for the recipe, so here it is! I eyeball when I cook, so I don’t have precise measurements on ingredients! :(

- Boiled noodles (pretty self explanatory)
- Egg fried rice (rice, eggs, soy sauce, oyster sauce, black pepper)
- Chilli chicken (season choice of meat with black pepper, salt, garlic paste and cook. Add mixture of light and dark soy sauce, oyster sauce, hot sauce, crushed black pepper, red chilli flakes (optional), and a bit of sugar)

Layer it with rice at the bottom, then noodles, then the chilli chicken, and top with spicy mayo, jalapeños, and chopped garlic.

If you make it, send me a pic! :))

Dinner are these drug eggs I’ve been marinating for a few days, the rice is still cooking. Might add something else, I haven’t decided yet. Anyone who’s tried these eggs know they are absolutely perfect by themselves.

So this was a couple weeks ago, but it’s been long enough to where I’m very confident in my suspicions that I was unknowingly poisoning myself.

I stopped drinking sodas, energy drinks, and any beverage with sugar in it (besides milk), but decided I didn’t want to just drink water all day. After some trial and error, I landed on my favorite sugar-free drink mix, Great Value Tropical Mango Punch. Holy shit these things are tasty. These things were also like 2 bucks for 10 of them. They came in little packets meant to be put in 16fl oz water bottles, but I used 24 oz of water per packet. It was great. I was drinking probably 4-5 of these packets a day, and I was nearing almost a gallon of water throughout the day.

Then I started getting these horrible fucking headaches. Like, borderline migraines near the end of my workday. They were almost daily, and otc medicine wouldn’t help them. I thought it was just withdrawals from sugar and caffeine, but I really didn’t over consume either of those so I shouldn’t have been getting headaches of these magnitudes from the lack of them. This continued for about a month.

Turns out, the two different artificial sweeteners in the drink mixes (aspartame and acesulfame potassium) cause mild chemical dehydration, where your body has a hard time processing water like normal. In the volume that I was drinking it during a 10-hour workday, it was not mild chemical dehydration, it was fucking major. I wouldn’t pee all day at work, but I just chalked that up to myself sweating like crazy all day since I work outside usually. It wasn’t until my girlfriend heard me use the bathroom one morning, and she commented on how I was pissing for over 2 minutes. I was like yeah I drink a lot of water baby, pretty cool right? I then explained to her about how ever since I stopped drinking sugar this has been happened, where it seems like I’ll retain water all day and have to let it out only when I wake up.

And that’s when I dawned on me. 30 seconds and approximately 2 Google searches later, my dumbass realized what I was doing to myself. My headaches were dehydration headaches. My body couldn’t process water AT ALL because of the amount of artificial sweeteners I was drinking. God I felt like such an idiot.

Additionally, when I was around 8 or 9, I would have these horrible migraines that I would sometimes have to go to the hospital for. No doctor or neurologist could figure out why I was having these headaches. During that time, I would drink the FUCK out of some Crystal Light lemonade. Like, an ungodly amount. I asked my mom if she remembered how much I drank, and she, very emphatically, said yes, it was crazy how much I used to love that stuff. Guess what? SAME EXACT FUCKING SWEETENERS IN CRYSTAL LIGHT THAT WERE CAUSING THESE HEADACHES. I feel so vindicated that I not only solved a current issue, but probably solved a 15 year long medical mystery in my life.

Anyways, it’s been 2 weeks since my realization and I haven’t had a single headache since. Only been drinking water, and I’m feeling great. Thanks 4 reading

EDIT: For everyone asking about the eggs, this is how I made them-

Equal parts soy sauce and water, enough to almost fully cover the eggs in the container you’ll be marinating them in and add a very very healthy amount of honey and mix it up.

Then I’ll dice up about a third of an onion, one green and one red chili, and a fuck ton of garlic. Like 10 cloves of it. Add it all to the mix, and top it off with a generous portion of sesame seeds and chili flakes. I also had a dash of sesame oil and chili oil as a preference, but it’s not necessary.

Then I soft boil some eggs for 6 minutes with a splash of white vinegar in the water that I’m boiling (not sure if that makes a difference, it’s just how my mom always did it) and dunk em in ice water

Peel them, and seal them in a container with the marinade(they should be fully submerged) and put in the fridge. I usually wait 3 days before I eat them so they can soak up all the goodness, but you can eat them whenever.

EDIT 2- some comments have pointed out that what I was experiencing wasn’t “chemical dehydration” as the artificial sweeteners weren’t literally burning water from my body and not allowing me to process it at all. They are absolutely right, I used that term loosely without knowing exactly what it meant. However, in my initial search, I found that those sweeteners can cause symptoms that can feel like dehydration on sensitive individuals. My headaches completely stopped the day after I quick the drink mixes, and I started using the bathroom at a usual level. Additionally, the headaches were exactly the same type of pain I would experience when I knew that I was dehydrated in the past. Whatever was happening, it stopped immediately after I quit drinking those mixes. That’s the only thing that I changed. I guess should have researched more before I posted about it. That’s my bad. It’s still so weird to me how I wouldn’t use the bathroom for 12+ hours, seemingly retain an insane amount of water, and for that to stop happening as soon as I quit. I’ll definitely do some more research and probably ask my doc about it my next appointment

So the wife and I went to my hometown to see my mom and sister. While we were out and about we ran into an ex I am on good terms with. We exchanged pleasantries and as we were about to head off she goes "wait I have a kind of funny story for you".

To preface the story, every time I went over her house I would always take my shoes off and leave them neatly by a specific door. Her little brother, who was like 5 at the time would always know if I was there cause he would see my shoes when getting in the house, and you could hear him yell "yay Bryce is here" from the basement.

Now that was 2009 or so. The ex is married and has her own kid, and her brother is going to college while living at home.

So my ex and her husband had gone over to see her parents for a bit. While there the brother had come home, said hi and asked "Where's Bryce?", to which my ex says "what do you mean?"

Apperntly in the 15+ years since we broke up no one had ever put their shoes in that spot. And on this day for no particular reason, her husband decided to take his off and put them there. So when her brother came home from class the husband's shoes triggered an "old friend" response in his brain and tried to seek me out.

Its nice I made an impression on him, and that something so innocuous would cause him to be like "let's go find him".

Food: dunkin ice pumpkin latte, cause im a basic white girl, and a sour dough breakfast sandwich with Chipotle sauce

Edit - spelling, because I wrote this on my phone originally

Dinner was Caviar Cones after some shrimp tacos and sushi. A few people asked for a photo of one of the home cooked meals, Bistec with white rice and corn.

Original Post

So this past Friday was her birthday and we had an adult conversation. Friday morning woke up early and went to work but made sure everything was in order such as dinner and activities. Picked her up with a bouquet and headed to the restaurant (She looked phenomenal). We chatted for a few and and while we waited for the food to arrive I told her I needed to tell her something. Laid it all out about how I felt about her and the works about how I really dont mind the job and that I wrote her a letter but she couldn’t read it until after the night was over (Very old school I know lol, I think we gotta bring back writing letters for your SO). I dont think I’ll ever forget these words but she laughed and said “Boy you’ve been mine for awhile already, I’m just glad you finally caught up” my mannn when I tell you that shit had me geeking the whole night.

We then talked about the future, she wants to be married and have kids eventually before her 30’s, I do as well. She said she’d stop dancing when she finishes CNA or if she has a kid or gets married, I kinda screwed up by saying Im sorry if I unknowingly set any expectation of her quitting her job for me, she laughed and said “You’re lucky you’re cute”. After dinner we went to see the new Spiderman movie (Shes a huge Marvel fan, I’ve always been more of a DC guy myself). After that we walked along the river with the city skyline in the background and just talked more about the future and life and after proceeded to head back to my place.

Back at my place I told her I had a surprise for her but she had to read the letter first, so I blindfolded her and walked her to my bedroom, took the blindfold off and told her once she finished reading the letter she could come out to the living room. After about 10 minutes (Two page letter front and back and probably had to gather herself as Im sure she knew what was coming). She stepped out and I had my living room filled with rose pedals, a few gifts and ballon letters asking if she wanted to be my girlfriend. She cried and I handed her a needle (at the end of the letter I told her she would be handed a needle once she steps out and that she would have to figure out what it was for). On opposite sides of the room I had ballon letters that spelled YES and NO, she went to pop the YES letters and she ran to me and we hugged and kissed, and then she said “wait so which date are we gonna use as the official start”, I said “how’s the day you decided in your head that I was yours”. She stayed the night and Saturday and today were just a continuation of her birthday celebration.

All in all I can say now that its official haha

WARNING; mentions of suicide.

Massive serving of iskender kebap from my local pizzeria.

I'm a usually a pretty stoic guy. I'm not very good at showing emotions. It's not like I don't feel them or that I repress them, but I guess I just don't show them too often.

Five years ago my mother committed suicide. It's one of those suicides where nothing makes sense. No note (which I've now learned is quite common), no indications, no cries for help, nothing. It just happened one day.

The first six months I was just devastated. I was a husk of a human being, thinking and speculating on why she could've done this or what happened. I had no answers. Everything else in my life was on auto-pilot. I remember how oddly fast those months flew by.
After a while just had to try to accept it and try to continue with my life and not let it consume me.

Fast forward two years, and I enter a new relationship with this woman. I've obviously mentioned that my mother is not alive, and stuff like that, but I've never mentioned what happened. Mostly because I don't want to talk about it.

A week ago she finds me crying in the bedroom. My sister had been sharing some pictures in the family group chat, and she posted an image of her (then weeks old) daughter and my mom and it kind of just broke me. My mom was so happy in that picture. So I just sat down on the bed and started bawling. My girlfriend comes into the room and ask what's happening, and I respond that I saw an image of my mom and how much I missed her. My girlfriend comes in and comforts me the best she can, and after a while I collected myself and went on with my life.

Yesterday she texted me that she have been thinking about what happened that night, and that it had been gnawing on her. Her 'image' of me has changed a bit and she has mixed feelings about it.
"I just think of it as a bit of an ick"
She comes from a family and culture where the men in that family shouldn't show emotions, and if they were to become emotional they should make sure no one sees them. That kind of stuff.

Anyways, here we are today. I'm planning on giving her a couple of days to think it over and then I'll confront her again regarding it. I'm not planning to repress my emotions with the fear of having her think less of me. I'm very much on the train that men should be able to express how they feel without being judged, even though I'm bad at doing it myself. Depending on how she reacts it might be the end of this relationship. Wish me luck!

After a year and a half battle with stage 4 ovarian cancer, my fiancée passed away in May. Due to logistical issues we couldn't have her service until today (9/4).

I felt like I was just starting to feel a little more like myself and then we had her service. Now I feel like it just happened and I'm back to day one.

I thought these services were supposed to help with the process but I just feel like I'm a mess again.

In early March, I attended a cultural festival while traveling. A kid, who appeared to be 10 or 11, ambushed me and threw a water balloon right at my ear with quite a lot of force. It was pretty clear that he was being a brat, since he kept pelting me even after I’d doubled over in pain clutching my ear.

I ended up seeing a doctor and he said he couldn’t see a visible injury, but the trauma of the force likely injured my mid ear. He described it as “barotrauma.”

Over several weeks, my hearing gradually declined. It got to the point where it felt like there was something preventing me from being able to hear by about fifty percent. I ended up getting a hearing test and it said I had “moderate” hearing impairment in that ear.

Since then, all of the doctors kept telling me “give it time.” They kept saying it could take up to 6 months to heal.

I just went back in earlier today, and the doctor said I shouldn’t expect it to get better. He said that I’m past the recovery window, so the damage isn’t going to repair itself. I guess I just need to accept that I now have moderate hearing loss in one ear.

The hardest part is that I’m not sure how to feel about everything. I never even let myself get mad at the kid who threw the balloon, since it felt irrational to be upset at a child. I kept telling myself that I should be happy that it’s only “moderate” impairment as opposed to being “severe.” I just feel kind of numb. It’s like I know I should let myself feel whatever I need to feel, but I’m not sure what that is.

Anyways, that’s my sad tale. I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get from posting, but perhaps I thought it could be useful to try to vent a little about what has happened.