Fiancé has a manic episode and three years of relationship ends

[u/New-Restaurant-4538]

Long rant, thought I’d join the trend of broken relationships. Me (25m) and my fiancé (26f) have been together for just over 3 years now, living together for most of that time and now it’s ending.

Really though she would be the one, we had fights over the last few years but were always able to come together and talk it through but a few months ago things drastically changed.

About 5 months ago she broke off a relationship with a college friend who was a pretty big part of her life but she was growing resentful of. After this my fiancé started to seem off, became more spaced out, angrier and quicker to snap at things, and sometimes couldn’t keep a train of thought. We talked and she said I was reading into things and not to worry.

A few weeks after that her mental state was becoming more stressed and paranoid due to being bullied at work, long hours, and lack of sleep. She got some time off work and ended up going into credit card debt over travel expenses (about $2.5 thousand).

A month after this she got sent home from work early due to her supervisor being concerned about her behavior and seemingly drunk (I know she wasn’t actually intoxicated) and then was told to not come in for a few days.

The next day I was taking a nap and was woken up by my fiancé who said “I think I made the land lords upset”. Long story short she went around the neighborhood trying to open random car doors and then did it our landlord whose car was unlocked. She went in the car took a garage clicker and a cross then opened the garage with the clicker which is when landlords ran out and confronted her. It took hours of begging on my part to not get kicked out or have criminal charges pressed (we are on a month to month lease). She still doesn’t think what she did was wrong and said she did it because she thought Taylor Swift was hiding in one of the cars.

I’m a bit hazy on the next order of events but over the next few days she goes back to work (as a USPS mail carrier), takes mail home with her, confesses to stealing the mail, starts to get investigated for the felony charge, is forced to quit or get a felony and possible jail time. Shows no remorse and just talks about how they take the mail too seriously.

Over time she becomes more manic and paranoid. Thinks everything is a dream or people playing pranks on her. Refuses to see a therapist (which is free thru my work) due to thinking they are all in on the prank. She has no job and is in debt. I’m paying for everything including her car payments and bailing her out of debt which are not cheap and dipping into my savings just to get by while she wants my card to shop at expensive grocery stores.

Two weeks ago I caught her flirting with her old boss via text and saying she “wants to be more than friends” and she blamed it on me for not being with her enough. And by trust and hope felt shattered. I try to talk to her and see if we can work things out but then…

Last week she left for vacation to see her friend in another state and a few days before she was to come home tells me she’s prolonging her trip by a few weeks with no real end date.

Talked to her very little since she left and most times I do it ends quickly or ended up in a fight. Yesterday we had a good talk which resulted in our relationship ending but still living together for now since it’s convenient. I still love and care for her and hope we can stay friends but I finally accepted that we are not the people who will make each other happy.

It’s a dream of mine to explore as much as I can, starting with all the National Parks (37/63 seen so far). I plan to save up for a 5-7 months and then take some time off and move to Alaska for work and get to backpack the national parks there. Thank yall if you made it this far, feels good to have it written down and get to share my story a bit!!

Food: Seamed dumplings, wonton soup and Szechuan beef!!

Edit: Thank you everyone for the support and reality check. Seeing the reactions I definitely grew numb to a lot of the shit going on and just kept hoping to see things get better. For the ones who showed concern, her family has been filled in fully the last week or two and are planning on getting her evaluated by a psychiatrist and hopefully hospitalized when she comes back from her trip since she’s not willing to go on her own. Will definitely be living separately as well now lol. Thank you again for everyone who reached out to me, it’s been very isolating and this was a huge relief ❤️

[u/RedheadedJusticeGirl]

The bipolar subs help people in crisis like this daily. We don’t care about their gender / sex there.

This is a gendered sub, so gender of course will get debated here.

[u/liberty-prime77 → u/RedheadedJusticeGirl]

Debating gender topics is different than saying women's mental health is always dismissed and men's mental health is always taken seriously. That's just completely and objectively false, I don't care how many misandrists come in to brigade and downvote me, it doesn't make that true.

[u/RedheadedJusticeGirl → u/liberty-prime77]

When you take into consideration that women’s health in general is under studied, you might have a different perspective.

Remember women were only required to be part of research studies starting in 1993.

But again, I don’t care what sex you are.

A bipolar manic episode is an extreme medical emergency and emergency services should be called immediately whether you are a man or a woman.