r/BorderlinePDisorder • • Sep 05 '25

MOD POST BEFORE YOU POST: For those who have loved ones with BPD, please read.

198 Upvotes

Your words and tone matter here.

You are welcome to post and comment to learn about and gain insight on BPD, or to get support and advice. But you must be mindful and respectful that this is also a support group, and most of our members have—and are still struggling—with this disorder.

Attempts to stereotype, overgeneralize, or demean people with BPD will not be tolerated here, and we encourage our members with and without BPD to report any such cases to our mods.

We recognize that having a loved one with BPD can be extremely hard, confusing, and even scary sometimes. We know that some of you have been through hell and back. We respect your grief and anger. We believe that you are just as deserving of support and understanding as us. We are a community for anyone affected by BPD, and our goal is to break stigma through education and responsibility.

Holding each other accountable is something you will see here a lot, and we want to maintain a safe space to do so. We welcome criticism, but it MUST be done constructively, and with respect and kindness. Your experience does not reflect on people with BPD as a whole, and if you cannot accept that, then this is not the community for you.

Thank you for understanding. Be well.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • Feb 26 '25

MOD POST Subreddit Rule Clarity

115 Upvotes

Hey friends, one of your friendly neighborhood mods here!

I wanted to make a post clarifying our stance on a few things as a mod team. Sorry it's a little long but there's a lot that's been going on

My first point: Rule 2 states "Hate, stigma, and/or misinformation will be removed." This is one of those things that is very hard as a mod team to get right consistently because what constitutes these things can be subjective. If you believe your comment has been removed in error due to a misunderstanding of the context please use modmail to talk to us - we want to get these things right! However one of the most common applications of this rule is around the word "narcissist" - we've made posts about this before but I want to clarify things because the language around this can be complex.

Labeling someone "a narcissist" is implying that they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Saying someone has narcissistic behaviours is different. It is unfortunate, in my opinion, that NPD is called this, because narcissistic behaviours are literally part of the human experience, and someone can easily behave in a narcissistic way without being "a narcissist"

I know there will be people who disagree with this interpretation and implementation but in our view it is the only way to strike a balance between stopping rampant Custer B stigmatization and policing every word that people say.

Moving on to my second point. I have made a new rule to cover something that has become a big issue within this sub, which is generalizations. Lots of people have been making generalizing statements such as "people with BPD have abandonment issues" or asking questions that invite generalizations such as "how does alcohol affect pwBPD?" The problem with this is that BPD is a disorder with literally hundreds if not thousands of variants. Saying with any kind of certainty that someone with BPD will act or feel a certain way is once again spreading misinformation, and could lead to someone with BPD who doesn't share that particular trait feeling very invalidated.

Previously this was covered under rule 2, as above, but it's become such a common issue that I have decided to make it a separate rule. Keep your questions and comments focused on individual experiences such as "my BPD affects me in this way" or "how does your BPD affect the way you are when you drink?" It's also OK, in some situations, to say "many people with BPD experience xyz" - this isn't claiming that everyone does, and so long as it's one of those things that is accepted as common within BPD traits, and doesn't contribute to stigma (such as "many people with BPD are abusive") then it's allowable, although it's still best to generally stick to your individual experiences.

My next point is about speculative labeling and amateur diagnosis. The rule in question states: "Do not ask for a diagnosis or attempt to diagnose others. No speculative labeling" What you will notice is that this is not about self diagnosis. We as mods know that accessing professional diagnosis is not possible for everyone for a variety of reasons, including lack of understanding in healthcare, costs, and the fact that having a diagnosis on record can actually cause a lot of problems for some people. As such, we do not police self diagnosis, although we encourage people to seek professional assessment where possible, and if not, to do full and detailed research into the criteria and a lot of self exploration before deciding you have BPD. (Again, I know some folks will disagree with this, but we are striking a balance).

However what is not permitted is coming here to ask for validation of your self diagnosis, asking for us to tell you if someone you know is BPD (or indeed labeling them as BPD with no diagnosis - it's OK to say someone exhibits BPD traits but that's not enough to label them). Labeling people, including fictional characters, who don't have a diagnosis, is strictly forbidden.

My final point is about a trend in posts that have been popping up, basically asking people to share their worst moments, the worst things they've done, etc. These posts are understandable - it makes sense to want to get validation that you aren't the only person who has done bad things. But they usually end up with a lot of highly triggering comments, often ones that cross the line into rule breaking, and not only make a lot of work for the mods, but also seem to amount to a lot of "wallowing" in the bad things pwBPD sometimes do, and it can feel like digital self harm. As such, we won't be allowing these posts going forward. (this will come under the "triggering content" rule if you look to report it).

If you see people violating these rules please report it to the mods. If you're unsure if something breaks a rule, it's often better to report it and let us figure it out than let a potentially harmful thing pass by. Remember that this is a HUGE subreddit and the mods cannot look at every post and comment that comes through so we rely on you to help us with that

Once you've read this, please help me out and leave a comment below to increase the chances others will see it. Thanks folks, and have the best day possible!

I know there's a prevailing opinion on Reddit that mods are some sort of power hungry Cabal, but in reality we (at least the mods of this particular sub) are just a small group of pwBPD trying to make this space a good, supportive, and educational place for all.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 59m ago

Looking for Advice Fp and I are in no contact after he said something that really hurt me. How to cope with the feeling of worthlessness and sadness?

• Upvotes

Fp and I are in no contact after he said something that really hurt me. How to cope with the feelings of worthlessness and sadness.

My fp (situationship) said something to me while he was angry that really hurt me. It’s been 5 days, this is the longest we’ve been in no contact since we’ve been together. Usually I’m the one that reaches out after every conflict but this situation literally ripped my heart out and I can’t be the one to reach out this time.

Everyday I cry and it’s been really painful for me. I feel so low and worthless and just absolutely devastated.
I’ve been suffering in silence and it’s making me even more depressed on top of the intense emotions I already experience.

He’s also an avoidant so perhaps he feels safer in the silence but on the other side I’ve taken all the damage and all of this is hurting me even more. And I know that he knows that I’m hurting because he knows how emotional and sensitive I am. Even a sincere apology would have made me feel better but I don’t want to have to ask for one.

How do I cope with the suffering?


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1h ago

Looking for Advice What do you do instead?

• Upvotes

I was looking into how we can choose to do different things in the moment of an urge to engage in what doesn't help, at all. Thing is, I'm not sure how that works. The only thing that comes to mind to me is: workout. I can't see how I'd match the energy to what I crave if that makes sense. I'd love to read what others do in this case?


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 5h ago

Looking for Advice This is a cycle that can be broken?

2 Upvotes

Hi everyone!

My close friend of around 6 years has recently told me they have been diagnosed with BPD and after learning about it from them and some posts online some events from their past and the current present makes a lot more sense.

They told me that they only consider me a “semi-close” friend because I don’t give good advice and because I will always rank lower than their favourite person. And I completely understand that they feel that their dependency on their FP could be because of BPD and also because of the pattern that all of their FPs are able to relate to deeper topics and give romantic affection in ways that a platonic friendship could never. They also mentioned that they get frustrated when their attention is on more than one person.

But they told me that all of their pervious FPs were not supportive with their mental and physical health, would ghost my friend whenever they tried to communicate their feelings or about issues that were affecting my friend negatively in the relationship and every time my friend decides to leave the relationship their FP suddenly comes back with promises to be better and the only reason why the relationship would end is if their FP enters a relationship with someone else. Then my friend will finally leave but it’s a cycle when my friend finds a new FP and that person is not the best person for my friend! They are currently wanting to leave their current FP and is having a tough time.

I want them to know that I am here for them, but genuinely I feel like they don’t want me. Or I just suck at expressing that.

I try my best to be there for my friend and I’m actively around for whenever they need to vent or distract themselves with a hangout but I feel like my supportive listening, reassurance that I will never leave them, and space when they look like their are having a tough time, does not get through to them. Maybe my communication skills are not good enough? Or it is my own issues around my wellbeing or the way I can or cannot articulate my thoughts or show them on my face properly?

I’ve come to the conclusion that it is up to them to go through these experiences and make their own choices and that I have no influence on their choices on who they grow attracted to but I really want them to know that I am here for them and they are allowed to focus their energy on other things in life and chase the dreams that they have passion for.

I want them to not be trapped in this cycle anymore because it makes them so sad.

Will this get better? Any advice I should tell them? Any advice on how to improve my communication and listening skills? Any advice on how to improve my advice?

This is a long one but I’m genuinely so worried. Thank you!


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 14h ago

Suicide talk Attempted again and just angry

9 Upvotes

I attempted on September 22, my attempts are always very intense but this was my biggest yet.

After attempting and seeing I wasn't dead I decided to call 911 because of the severity of my attempt I couldn't just go to sleep after crying about it.

To make it less gruesome and short as possible one of the cops went "oh and walked back out immediately and the EMTs said they were very surprised I was still conscious and they brought me to the hospital.

When there I was barely awake and I kept waking up in different rooms until I got to surgery.

When I woke up I got told it lasted 3 hours in total and that because, I had attempted 3 times in the same manner before, if it did happen again they would not be able to close it back up.

I asked what then ?

And they said then you'd die

The person saying it sounded really angry saying it but it and although I wasn't happy my attempt failed there is something strangely relieving hearing your next attempt will be your last because even if they wanted to save you they couldn't.

Which is a fucked up thing to say I'm aware.

Anyways they were really nice until I got sent to the psych ward where they completely ignored the advice the medical staff told them I had to do to help healing and immediately put me in a room where I had to knock on a window to ask for anything even going to piss.

Mind you at first I needed assistance to even stand up 3 hours before.

The medical staff told them I had to be sleeping at a 30 degree angle but they just said fuck that and put me on a bed that was almost floor level with no pillows.

I tried knocking to have some water but I had a hard time standing up so I used my legs to knock.

They immediately told me I was being too aggressive and that if I wanted to ask something I had to stand up to ask if.

When I reminded them what happened they yelled at me that they saw me on the camera stand up and sit back down seconds before and when I told them I most definitely did not they said I was just trying to win an argument.

At another point I wanted to ask to go pee but I when I spoke my voice wasn't loud enough and only came out as whispers (which was normal due to where the surgery had been done) and they yelled at me to either speak up or shut up because they weren't gonna come open the door to hear me better(despite the very clear injury that would very clearly explain why I wasn't speaking loud enough).

Two days later they brought me to see the medical team again and they asked if the staff had been putting the cream (don't know the exact name sorry)on my surgery site to help heal and they deadass said they weren't told they didn't know they had to do that(which they most definitely did because they were told do so when I got sent there).

When I was crying I got told I was being disruptive and to calm down.

Anyways when I got out I got told I had an appointment to remove surgical staples and to call the clinic to know the exact hour.

Thing is, my absolute dumbass of a social worker (who has been ignoring my messages for over 2 months at this point ) told the clinic to also not answer me (which the clinic did confirm) so when I called to know the time of the appointment they told me that they had been instructed to not talk to me and hung up. I called 3 times explaining this was a medical thing and I just wanted to know the time and that I didn't want my surgery site to infect but they didn't care and hung up each time.

I tried contacting my social worker but obviously she didn't answer so I had to remove the staples myself.

Also the social worker is fully aware I attempted and the manner and severity in which I did so because at the hospital they contacted her and spoke to her directly but when I asked to speak to her she told them to not do so and I got told to just call her when I got out.

This is one of the worst of abandonment feelings ever.

I'm so angry I tried asking to change social workers because at this point denying access to medical aid to someone you're supposed to be helping is unacceptable but I'm told I can't speak to them and to just talk to my social worker (who they are fully aware doesn't answer me). I even asked if I could have the number of someone who's above her and they told me they didn't have that and to just ask her (again knowing she doesn't answer me )

I hate this I'm so angry


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 12h ago

Looking for Advice Please please please help me. I don’t want to be this way anymore

2 Upvotes

(But part of me actually kinda does wanna be this way cuz it keeps me safe….sickening self awareness I swear!!!)

For context,I have borderline personality disorder and autism and a lot of other things. I’m also so reactive, and idk how to manage it rn except for…well…reacting. I’m working on it but at the same time having big reactions to things most would just let slide has been a great way for me to avoid getting fucked w further. It works for now until I can come up w sm else

It probably doesn’t help that throughout childhood and up till this day, my father (who also has a cluster b personality disorder but it isn’t BPD to my knowledge) says that when I get like that- it’s because people shouldn’t fuck with me. He has triggers too, and again it’s apparently because “people shouldn’t fuck with us” (referring to him and I). I am SOOOOOO aware of the flaw in that logic, and I even told him at the time that that doesn’t seem fair. However, it had an imprint on me regardless. I need to figure out how to unlearn it. It’s driving me insane. I’m tired of being up all night because I’m enraged, or not being able to control myself and fly off the handle *then thinking it’s justified. I’m literally my father’s daughter to an extent, though I’ve never rlly done a lot of the shit he’s done during his triggers I still don’t judge him. He’s just sick, like me. Maybe we can get better in time….

It also probably doesn’t help that I can’t even tell when it is or isn’t justified lol. Paranoia is intense for me as well as anger and literally any other emotion.

I don’t want to be an asshole. I don’t want to be crazy. But as of this moment, I genuinely don’t know what to do about it. Has anyone ever worked through this? What do I do? I know this isn’t right but even my psychiatrist doesn’t really know what to say about it.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 5h ago

Vent Family

1 Upvotes

cn: mention of sh

I'm currently visiting my grandparents and they're being complete bitches about my mental health.
I do have some wounds which aren't completely healed yet and they where very pushy about making me talk. I told them multiple times that I don't want to talk to them about that but they have a hard time accepting.
The new husband of my grandma then told me that my sh almost looks like art, but in a very unfriendly way. (like actually talking me down, trying to make fun of my sh)
Both of them also think being mentally ill is just "being sad sometimes" which makes it a hard time for all of us. I don't have the energy to explain to them that its more than being a little sad sometimes and all they use to inform themselves is AI. it's so hard to just keep happy, stay the way they want me to be, it's just all completely fucked up, i genuinely have no idea what i even could do with this situation now.

Well our conversation ended in them verbally cornering me, and then being mad at me that i have feeling's, and i did split and end in a fight or flight panic mode that made me run away. like actually physically running for my life. later on my grandma was really mad because she said it made her look like an idiot and i'm punishing her for trying to help.

Now they see me in the light of an unthankful grandchild, that no one ever can understand. Also they say it's all my fault for not talking to them, cause if i'd talk they would understand

Don't get me wrong i tried talking but they weren't listening.

Later that evening Grandma and me even sat down to talk, but she didn't want to understand me, and i asked her to communicate more clearly but that didn't work out well.

In the end she told me that my psychiatrists made me sick, and i should just try to be normal.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 20h ago

Vent I am nauseatingly in despair

7 Upvotes

I feel like there’s a wildfire in me
But I’m exhausted and subdued
As a huge cat person just petting my cats feel like a chore
This is all I can get out


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 15h ago

How long does it take to be diagnosed through the NHS?

0 Upvotes

(if this post violates community rules feel free to take it down)

Hey guys, anyone with diagnosed BPD from the UK who got their diagnosis through the NHS?

I really want to try get diagnosed now that im 18 but i want to know how long it will take if i did it through the free health care system provided by the NHS, i just wanna know what im getting myself into instead of just jumping in blind.

im a very shy person and dont like doing things by myself especially when it comes to medical stuff, but recently i took myself out of my comfort zone and got diagnosed with dyslexia after years of struggling in silence.

it was a very daunting and stressful task but i sucked it up and it payed off, so now i want to finally get myself checked out for BPD but i dont want it to be a 5 year long process and have to navigate through it alone as i feel this would put a lot of unnecessary stress on me which is something i dont want at the moment.

Thanks for reading and all help is appreciated!


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 17h ago

How many FPs?

0 Upvotes

I feel like jealousy over pwbpd cheating is onevof the main causes of relationship fallouts. The person I am with acts very lovely but also brings up other people who she seems to care more about, even though wearing my jumper and making food and staying together a lot. It is difficult to know whether I am just cope for her.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 23h ago

Looking for Advice Should I inform my FP he is my FP?

3 Upvotes

Hello, everyone. I'm very new to this whole thing as I was just diagnosed with BPD. I'm around 30m. One of the aspects of BPD that really hit me was the Favorite Person concept. I currently have a FP and I am considering wether I should tell him or not. But first, let me give you the backstory.

My FP and I have been friends for 8 years. We quickly hit it off with similar interests and humour. The first couple of years I had a massive crush on him, which he was aware of. Being who I am I let this crush grow into an obsession. He is a very nice guy and didn't push me away or let my romantic and erotic interest put a damper on our friendship. There were definitely a bunch of times where I pushed the limits, but over the years we have found a balance that works for both of us really well. He has gotten used to my bad and unstable sides, and supports me through my bad periods. We consider eachother best friends, and we have told eachother stuff we don't tell other people, especially when it comes to mental health. I am his support person in my own way. He is very shy and introverted, and has problems expressing himself around other people. To make it clear though he is straight and has a girlfriend, and he currently lives quite far away, though he visits often.

Though I no longer have a deep, romantic crush on him, he still is my FP. Luckily for us we managed to make it work before any of us learned about this concept. But now I know, and a lot of the literature I am reading recommends telling the FP they are an FP. I can definitely see how this would help our relationship, but I could also see how it complicates something that works pretty well.

I am leaning towards telling him, but I really want to hear some second opinions here. I also wasn't quite sure what info you would want before making an assessment, so please just ask if there is anything you're unsure of. He is visiting around Halloween and was planning on telling him then.

The reason I am considering telling him is to give him the tools to navigate our relationship better. I want him to feel as safe and in control as possible, and a lot of the tips I read online to FPs seem valuable. I consider it worth it to sacrifice some of the "natural" vibes of our friendship to better help him avoid being manipulated or hurt. I do fear how this might change our dynamic and that "natural" feeling, and I know it can be used against me, though I consider that chance to be quite low in this instance. Looking forward to reading your thoughts ^^


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

Looking for Advice Im looking for a book or story about bpd.

6 Upvotes

Hello! I am currently engaged to someone with BPD and I am trying my best to introduce them to people that could be potential friends for them. I have finally been successful after 4 years on them accepting one of my friends as an actual friend for them. Reason why I am reaching out is because a previous partner of mine showed me a book that really put into perspective how you can feel extreme love and affection towards someone then feel extreme hatred and see them as an enemy when they do something you dont like. I apologize if how I explained this last part is not conducive on what actually happens. It sucks becauae the only thing I rememeber about the story is a figure that is all black that shows 2 pages one showing the love then the next page extreme hatred towards the same person. Anyways if you have any recommendations on stories or books I can read myself and give to potential friends for my partner so they can be equipped to understand how they feel and work as a person. I appreciate the help!


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

Looking for Advice Scared to be in romantic relationship

4 Upvotes

I know how I became after I get into one and honestly I don't even know I can be like that, it's all way up or into the hell, can't able to balance, and normal people just don't understand what's going inside my brain tbh I don't even know, but for last few months I was so lovely and thinking to go on date, but as expected it was great at first few dates but then my mind get me , and i don't know what to do ... Should I try dating someone with borderline? So they should atleast have idea about how things might get ?


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

does anyone else genuinely feel like they don’t have bpd and it’s the people around us making us “crazy”?

25 Upvotes

i’m fully aware that alot of BPD episodes are caused by outside factors/people, but sometimes when i’m in denial of my diagnosis my brain warps into thinking it’s everyone around me being insane and not me. i’ve been diagnosed for three years but there’s still a sense of disdain towards the disorder, at least for me. i don’t want to think that im the one who’s mentally ill, or that im the one who causes people to leave. and sometimes when im in an episode i can convince myself that im not the one who has something wrong with them, and that it’s everyone else around me. is this relatable to anyone else?


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 21h ago

Looking for Advice Splitting on Father of Child

0 Upvotes

Please help. I am in such an unideal situation and I am so scared and so overwhelmed. I am an IDIOT and accidentally got pregnant by someone I’ve known for 3 months who lives on the other side of the country who I have seen in person (for extended trips like long weekends) twice. I am currently 7 weeks and 6 days. I have already had an abortion in the past. Of course I am still considering abortion even though I promised myself and God I would never do that again. But we all know how it goes with hypersexuality and I honestly just hate myself. The father is a good man and he really, really wants this. I wish I could go back and just not tell him. I had committed to keeping it and trying to make it work because he is incredibly financially able and willing to move across the country to support me and the baby. Other than the fact that this was unexpected and unwanted, another problem I am having is that I am now actively splitting on the father. Before this, I was very attracted to him and really enjoyed him. I have unfortunately somehow split into intense devaluation which is making the decision to keep the pregnancy even harder when I think about my entire future being committed to someone without my having chosen it. We both do not want our children to be raised in split/broken families. Additionally, I am still so in love with my ex and the thought of that door closing forever is enough to give me very harmful thoughts. Please come with warmth rather than judgment.
\- Signed, a very scared and overwhelmed girl who is just trying her best.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

Pleaaaase tell me I’m not the only one

7 Upvotes

My identity crises are so bad I start questioning my sexuality. Last month I came out as a lesbian just to go back and well I decided on not using labels because it stresses me out. I used to identify as bisexual. But why did I suddenly come out as a lesbian? I realized I wasn’t genuinely attracted to any of the men I slept with (well only 2) and when I was it was because they looked like a butch woman 😭

In 2024 I was wondering if I was aro-ace. I just couldn’t feel any need for romance or sex. Sure I read lots of romance fanfics (y/n type), but I wasn’t really interested in an actual relationship. Tbf I did suffer tons of sexual abuse before that. Sexual abuse happened again this year and now that I’m with my boyfriend I’m questioning my sexuality all over again. Omfggg make it stop.

I cannot be the only one having sexuality identity crisis 24/7


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

Art & Poetry What life feels like with BPD

3 Upvotes

They say contradictions are impossible, and impossibilities don't exist. Then why does the impossible feel inevitable? Why do I feel Happy but depressed, alone yet surrounded, whole with a bottomless pit of emptiness, content yet still praying for more, lost but found. My whole life I have always cared about how others perceive me. Maybe its cause of the people i was raised around and by, or maybe its cause im a people pleaser at heart. No matter what I have always put alot of thought and emotion into what people thought about me. I genuinely cared or would be offended if people didnt like everything about me. Wether it be a critique on my physical appearance, or on something i have said or done. I always wanted to make sure the vision people had of me was perfection. Even when internally i knew i was imperfect. I knew i was so imperfect to the point where i made myself believe that nothing about my true self was perfect. So, from as long as i can remember i would create and control people's perception of me. Or at least do everything in my power to. I had no true persona. No true sense of self. I was like a puppet, and I wasn't the master, the people surrounding me where. If i met someone i wanted to be friends with and they really liked an anime i didnt know about. I would take time out during the day to learn as much as i could about it without actually watching any of it. To give them the perception that it was also my favorite anime. Or if they really liked cars. I would take the time out to learn as much about cars as i could. Especially all about ones that they preferred or liked the most. The longer and longer i did this, the more and more confused about myself I became. I forgot everything about who -name redacted-  was. The last relationship i was in is where i did this the most. And where i truly lost my true self. He liked One Piece so i became obsessed with One Piece overnight, searched up guides and summaries over characters. Tried to learn the ins and outs so it could seem like i was a big fan. He liked league and i HATED it, but for him i became obsessed. He wanted a specific type of muslim girl, so i became what he wanted me to be. He used specific vocab so i started using that vocab acting like i always have. He wanted my nudes, so i gave them up. All so that he could love everything about me. When the truth is i didnt love him, i had nothing in common with him, we where complete opposites from the start. I didnt even find him very attractive, although for the sake of my own ego i still try to get myself i believe i did.  I lost who -name redacted-  was. This isnt the first time this has happened. Its what has happened with every friend and partner. I only got into drinking because my roomates drank. I only began vaping because my middle school friends vaped. I only began smoking because those same friends smoked. And each time i started doing those things i absolutely HATED IT. It either hurt physically like when i started vaping, or fucked me up mentally like with drinking and smoking. I forced myself to like it all to the point of addiction which has almost killed me. After my fiance and i ended. I began the search for myself. I began living in the moment, i began spending time ALONE. After years of always having someone around me. Wether it be friends or a partner. And this is where the true confusion begins to kick in. Because i Feel truly happy that i have made good friends and real connections. But depressed because i cant tell if its real or i have only made myself believe its real. I feel alone because of the loss of not only my fiance but my cat, yet surrounded by such good company. I feel whole because i have began enjoying my time alone. yet when i dig deeper i cant stop feeling that never ending emptiness and lack of assurance on wether or not its valid for me to feel whole when so much of me was missing for so long. this faint feeling of being content because im finally feeling like myself again and starting to appreciate what i see in the mirror but still praying for more because nearly every ounce expect for the few hates myself, truly hates everything about myself. My hair, my hands, my eyes, my teeth, my body size and shape, my voice. My skin tone. The list feels almost never ending and bottomless which i guess feeds into that bottomless pit of emptiness. And lastly lost because I am stil trying to find my true self everyday piece by piece, but found because i am starting to see that maybe some people actually like me for -name redacted-, and i dont need to act a certain way, or look a certain way because i am who i am and maybe just maybe people are starting to actually see me for who i am. Unfortunately that thought gets buried in feelings of paranoia and fear of being played or used. Like thinking people only compliment me because they want something out of me. Or because they pity me. Not because they truly think that. i would say that fear is what is holding me back the most. Im so scared of getting hurt again, That i am self sabotaging my own path to true happiness, love, and familiarity. So although contradictions are impossible I live them every day.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

Looking for Advice Anyone else took the decision to stop dating and stop making friends?

7 Upvotes

I think in the last 2 years i have met 50 people,lets say 30 met em om dating apps and "slidding into dms: to "date" while around 20 to become friends.

Lets say they are maybe 40 women and 10 men.

Guess how many are srilk in my life?

How many arent either blocked by me or im blocked by them

How many talking stages lasted 2 weeks?

I was also blacked out for 6 months so maybe the figures are double

I am doimg the right thing right?


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

Looking for Advice Oh just me upsetting my own feelings and causing my own spiral

6 Upvotes

Anyone else do that? Imaginary conversation in your head is so hurtful and real that it causes serious emotional distress and now you're crying curled up in bed, can't breathe, can't calm down, alone? Just me?

I'm making my own version of progress but it's not obvious enough for my parents, who I still live with. And I know they're frustrated with me. But I AM progressing and doing things it's not my fault my brain prioritizes what it does, but at least I'm leaning into it instead of stopping myself because it wasn't what my parents asked of me.

Breaking through my trauma cycle is just as important as tidying up my living space, possibly more important. I know it's not an obvious or glamorous improvement but it IS improvement. It's just fucking invisible and I wish they'd see it the way I FEEL it, and tell me they're proud of me.

I don't want to be told it's not enough I'm not cleaning the mess my dysfunctional self made. I WILL fix it eventually, I have to do THIS first and everything else will follow.

I just want to be seen. I used to have that. I had such a lovely partner who saw it in me. I wish I had that still.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

I have to get a grip on myself, but how?

4 Upvotes

I could really use some perspective from other folks who deal with BPD, especially around emotional regulation and handling the fallout in relationships.

​I’ve had to take a hard look at a painful pattern in my life recently. When my emotions get overwhelming, my ability to self-regulate pretty much completely evaporates. When I combine that with alcohol, it’s led to some severe crash-outs where I completely lose my grip and lash out at people I care about, saying mean and hateful things I'm deeply ashamed of. The lack of impulse control in those moments is terrifying, and I am so exhausted by the damage it leaves behind.

​I want to break this cycle for good. I’m done blowing up relationships with people who mean the world to me, and I’m trying to figure out how to actually fix the root issue.

​To help handle the emotional intensity right now, I've been leaning heavily into physical outlets to keep grounded, mainly lifting weights and running outside as I train for a 5k (short-term goal to keep from drinking). Having that physical outlet helps burn off stress, but I know it's only managing symptoms, not the core problem.

​For those of you who have struggled with severe dysregulation and alcohol dependence: how did you learn to catch yourself before reaching that point of no return? How do you sit with intense emotional discomfort without blowing up your life?

I practice DBT with my therapist, but I thought it might help to ask fellow folks dealing with BPD how they cope.

​Appreciate any advice or tools that have worked for you.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

Vent mourning the years wasted mirroring

11 Upvotes

So much of what I did and who I was was just me mirroring the people I wanted to accept me. My music, my fashion, my hobbies, even my way of speaking.

Now I’m not looking for anyone’s approval and I’m discovering my own personality for the first time at the ripe age of 30 (well actually a lot of it is just going back to what I liked when I was 9). It’s so nice but also I feel sad for teenager and twenties me, for all that time pretending. No wonder I felt so at odds with the world.


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

How did you know?

2 Upvotes

I’m a complete psychology geek. Last fall, I had the worst events of my life happen to me and it send me into a full spiral. Sitting in those feelings that nearly led me to death, I realized this is how I’ve felt practically my whole life - as long as I can remember at a minimum. Obviously my whole life has not felt as extreme as those few months, but to some extent I’ve always had those/similar feelings. When I spiral, one of two things happen - 1: I break down, disassociate, maybe cry if my body lets me, go to sleep, and walk around like a complete zombie out of pure exhaustion. OR 2: I completely dive into something productive, most of the time research of some sort. Many times during the fall I turned to my hobby of studying psychology to try and find some comfort in hopefully finding that others have felt the same way I did. I already previously knew about BPD, but when all of what I was feeling seemed to line up with others with BPD, I started feeling like it might be an explanation for so many things for me. I started therapy and went to a psychologist hoping for answers, only for it all to be blamed on my wonderful mix of depression, anxiety, and adhd. While it was great to finally have the confirmed diagnosis of the three things I’ve known my whole life I’ve had, I walked away still feeling like something was missing, and like I didnt have all the answers, and that bothered me more than anyone. I kept reaching out to professionals and other adults only for me to be called dramatic and all sorts of others things that basically just said I was stupid for even thinking it. To this day, I still don’t know if I have BPD or if it really is just all in my head and its a simpler explanation than my brain is leading me to believe, and I discovered this subreddit and decided to come on here and ask: How did you know that you had BPD, and what do you think of what I said in this post??


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

Vent Anyone else unable to connect to people irl and have most their friends online?

4 Upvotes

It's one major thing that constantly makes me feel depressed. I have no friends where I live. And the few I had in my home town, I was never emotionally close to them.

So I've made a handful friends online, but it's so dissatisfying that I can't ever see them because they are all so far away...

And then I even question if they truly see me as a friend and if they wouldn't reject me irl. Most of them have jobs and or acquaintances irl and I'm sure a random person they've never even seen a picture of is really not their priority, at all.

But I'm so lonely that I'm actually attached to them. And none of them is able / willing to have daily / every other day interactions. Of course I do understand they are busy with their life, that you can't really ask for that outside of romantic relationships I guess (and even then...) and there are also time zones adding an other layer of unavailability.

But so it's quite rare I do catch them live. Well not so rare but definitely not as much as I'd like. I hate to admit it but I'd love to have these interactions every evening, except for maybe one day of the week where I stay offline.

Reaching out and waiting for days for replies feels like death to me. Sometimes it's really in the moment you'd need talking with a friend. Not 3 days later...

I guess I'm just the only one chronically online because I have no job / irl acquaintances. There was a period of my life in 2021 where I felt this way and this led me to binge alcohol and pills... but these days I try my best to stay sober (no alc for 15 days) and it's really hard to not feel abandoned and crushed.

Anybody relates to this?


r/BorderlinePDisorder • • 1d ago

Looking for Advice how do you guys deal with the emptiness?

14 Upvotes

I’ve been flitting back and forth with feeling too much and feeling nothing at all my whole life

it’s gotten to the point where even when im in deep emotional pain, ill feel physical pangs in my chest but im so numb i cant even cry and i hate it sm??? how are we supposed to deal w this feeling ?

it’s like a mixture of emptiness and anxiety and it’s the ugliest feeling ever :(