r/WritingPrompts • u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod • Nov 13 '15

Moderator Post [MODPOST] 4 Million Subscriber First Chapter Voting! (Round 1 of 2)

NOTE: All top level comments must be votes! If you have an off topic comment to make just click here and reply to that comment.

Ah! What a fun week it was. You all performed wonderfully and towards the end the entries were streaming in fast and furious. I've read many of the entries and know that it's going to be tough for all of you to choose a winner for the group you're assigned.

All the entries are in and there were 121 entries in total! You all did an amazing job just by completing something. No matter the outcome, you've hit a mark and you're in the game.

For these contests, to ease your task of reading and voting, we do two rounds. The first round, people are grouped together randomly. The second round will be the winners of the first round competing against each other with EVERYONE from the first round voting.

If you want to see the original entry thread with the prompt, go here: https://redd.it/3rpg61

HOW TO VOTE

  • ONLY THOSE WHO ENTERED CAN VOTE!!!
  • If you don't vote, you can't win. YOU MUST VOTE! If you do not vote, you are disqualified! If your story is the most voted for in your group and you don't vote, you are out of luck.
  • You will be assigned a group to read. You will NOT be voting within your own group. Look below for what group your story is in and beneath that group you will see what group letter you'll be reading the entries and deciding the best story for.
  • It bears repeating - you will not be voting for entries in your group! Seriously, don't skip reading any voting rules. ;)
  • Read every entry in the group you are assigned to read, choose the best one then leave a comment in reply to this thread. Your comment must begin with: "/u/username in group A-Z (whatever letter the story is in) for "Title of Story." After that, feel free to add additional comments either about that story or the other entries.
  • Post in response to this thread by November 27th at 11:59PM PST. We've made the voting round two weeks so as to accommodate those who are actually participating in National Novel Writing Month. The following day the final voting round thread will be posted, everyone who entered will be allowed to vote on the finalists.

After we have a winner for each group, we move on to the second round of voting which will last one week where everyone who entered can vote for the winner out of the remaining entries.

Tie breakers are decided by myself and /u/SurvivorType, though we might just have any ties if there are only one or two move on to round two. We'll play it by ear as we always do.

THE ENTRIES

Here are the stories! Enjoy your reading!

Group A

Group A will be reading and voting for a winner from group B.

Group B

Group B will be reading and voting for a winner from group C.

Group C

Group C will be reading and voting for a winner from group D.

Group D

Group D will be reading and voting for a winner from group E.

Group E

Group E will be reading and voting for a winner from group F.

Group F

Group F will be reading and voting for a winner from group G.

Group G

Group G will be reading and voting for a winner from group H.

Group H

Group H will be reading and voting for a winner from group I.

Group I

Group I will be reading and voting for a winner from group J.

Group J

Group J will be reading and voting for a winner from group K.

Group K

Group K will be reading and voting for a winner from group A.

CLOSING NOTES

If we've somehow missed an entry or made a mistake, please make us aware of it.

If you've not yet seen it - read this story via Upvoted about the short film made out of a story written in this subreddit by /u/DrowningDream with H. Jon Benjamin (the voice of Archer) as the main character.

Also, in the near future we will have a podcast. That's fun, right? More news from that front in the near future.

Lastly, we will be having a special contest for late November/early December. If you're a regular writer in the subreddit and you have a self published book be sure to PM me for details (as we are going to include such people with the contest portion.)

As always, have fun reading and voting.

Keep writing! :)

65 Upvotes
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84% Upvoted

284 comments sorted by

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u/Amarantia Nov 17 '15

/u/jp_in_nj in Group I for "Out of Time" for a well-paced story with clever prose, an intriguing concept, and solid characters. The rest of Group I killed it, though, and it was ultimately a pretty hard decision. I'm mobile right now, but if anyone wants feedback, shoot me a PM!

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u/jp_in_nj Nov 17 '15

Thanks! I appreciate it and I'm glad you liked it.

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u/[deleted] Nov 15 '15

/u/TheGlamour in Group K for Margot.

It was nicely written and really close between a few of you. I have to also give props to /u/Aegeus and /u/Svansig for their good entries as well. But overall, Margot had a good slow burn I enjoy as a reader. I thought the detail and insight was really fun and it definitely drew me in.

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '15

Thank you for the vote! It means a lot to me.

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u/Svansig Nov 16 '15

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed my unedited mess!

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '15

It wasn't a mess at all haha. Give yourself more credit. :)

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u/Svansig Nov 16 '15

I usually need thorough editing before I am satisfied, and even then I am usually pretty worried to show it to anyone. That, plus finding out about this contest with only hours to go, doesn't really allow me to have much confidence in my chapter.

Thanks, though, I'm glad you got something out of it.

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u/[deleted] Nov 19 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/jp_in_nj Nov 19 '15

Drat. I needed to sweep the three people who were left to win. Looks like it's Trial of Passage for the win. Glad you enjoyed mine anyway!

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u/jrdnjones Nov 19 '15

/u/Dejers for in Group F for Eye of the Kitchen

I liked it, and I think it deserves to move on to the next stage.

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u/Dejers Nov 19 '15

THANKS FOR THE VOTE!

If interested, I will actually be posting the story, along with a prettier version of the first chapter in, most likely, december.

Thank you for reading! Have a good day!

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u/codexofdreams Nov 14 '15 edited Nov 28 '15

/u/Brrrfish in group I for Trial of Passage. Those first two paragraphs were a bit slow, but after that, I enjoyed this story the most out of that group.

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u/lweismantel Nov 27 '15 edited Nov 28 '15

/u/WritesForDeadPrompts in group E for "Trial of the Cube".

I read many of these earlier in the month, but I got swept away in getting to my 50k words. After finishing, I was finally able to give the other entries the attention they deserved.

There were many wonderful entries in this group. Overall there were fascinating concepts with solid execution, and alright concepts which were very well written. "Trial of the Cube" is the one that had both an engaging concept and strong prose. The title immediately makes me think of the Cube films, so when the protagonist realizes the game is far from over, I can't help imagining that he will have to survive a series of inventive traps to gain his freedom.

"Cryo" by /u/Comment_to_Narrative was a close second. Well written, incredible dialogue, and engaging. Where it fell short was that I was left with many questions but not enough concrete details to want to continue reading a second chapter. I know this works well for many readers, so it is a solid technique, but I like to have a bit more early on.

"Concrete Intervention" by /u/Deightine also stood out. Unique premise, wonderful incorporation of future tech, and a twist I wasn't expecting. The description of some of the tech reminded me favorably of the disorientation I experienced reading Neuromancer. Had this entry left off the final section after the intervention, I may have had a much harder time deciding on my winner.

For the others in this group, feel free to message me for more feedback. I have thoughts on all the entries, but lack the time to write them all out right now.

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u/Deightine Nov 28 '15

I appreciate the feedback, and the Neuromancer comparison was intended, so nice catch.

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u/jakethesnakebakecake Nov 27 '15

My vote for the entries within group D is Hypnagogia - /u/lweismantel

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u/takenorinvalid Nov 14 '15

/u/tleisher in Group G for "Fugue State".

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u/tleisher Nov 14 '15

Thank you for your vote! I'm very glad you enjoyed it

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u/Michaeljaygabriel Nov 27 '15 edited Nov 27 '15

DarkNet - /u/wooler1 of group G gets my vote.

There were several entries I enjoyed, (School's Out - /u/opiwrites & Sigret's Story - /u/writebetter among the top), but Darknet flowed the best. It felt similar to reading Michael Crichton. It left me wanting to know more about how Wooler1 will explore technology.

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Nov 13 '15

Off topic comments should be made in reply to this comment! The voting is done as it's own comment NOT in reply to this comment.

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u/Writteninsanity Nov 13 '15

I get it... Jackson Writes is in group J. Clever Mods.

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Nov 13 '15

Totally random. I swear!

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u/originalazrael Not a Copy Nov 13 '15

Suuure, Random. Says the guy who put me in the same group as the only one who challenged my dibs in the original post.

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u/jp_in_nj Nov 21 '15

What do we do in the event of a tie in the first round?

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Nov 21 '15

I will quote the post above. Tell me if it answers your question:

Tie breakers are decided by myself and /u/SurvivorType, though we might just have any ties if there are only one or two move on to round two. We'll play it by ear as we always do.

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u/jp_in_nj Nov 21 '15

It does. Sorry I missed it! I thought I read the whole thing...

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u/flutterguy123 Nov 14 '15

TFW you realized everyone else's story is better then yours.

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u/lweismantel Nov 14 '15

I also feel totally outclassed here. This is my first time writing fiction. I have no idea why I thought this would be a good idea to enter.

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u/Consta135 Nov 14 '15

Oh my god tell me about it.

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Nov 14 '15

As I said to flutterguy - and especially with writing contests - you will 99 times out of 100 feel the other person's work is better than yours. No matter how confident you are. I believe it's because as writers we envy the minds of others because we are so used to living in our own.

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u/originalazrael Not a Copy Nov 13 '15

Oops, my bad.

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u/chondroitin Nov 13 '15

Awesome! Time for some great light reading. Good luck to all!

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u/quantumfirefly Nov 29 '15

Hey, I just picked a comment of yours at random so don't take this in context. I just noticed Nightingale115's removal notice on the /r/writingprompts contest pt. 2-page and sorta came to the realization that, hey, I've never seen a comment of Nightingale's that wasn't a notice of some sort.

May or may not have had a quick look through their comment history after that.

Are they some kind of prototype bot with a huge number of preprogrammed responses? Or an alt used solely to mod this sub? Curiosity is killing me! Pls, help.

Also, I'm realizing that I may have to turn this into a prompt regardless.

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u/Nightingale115 Nov 29 '15

I am proto-bot V1.15 literary moderation response unit.

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u/quantumfirefly Nov 29 '15

Humor already set to 100% I see

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Nov 29 '15

I understood that reference.

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u/quantumfirefly Nov 29 '15

finger guns

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u/[deleted] Nov 13 '15

Took ye long enough!

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Nov 13 '15

Sick in bed today, my friend. Otherwise the post would have been far more expeditious.

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u/[deleted] Nov 13 '15

Ah, that explains it. Hope you get better quickly!

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Nov 13 '15

Thanks!

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Nov 13 '15

Group C is the best group! Good luck everyone!

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u/TheWritingSniper /r/BlankPagesEmptyMugs Nov 13 '15

<3

Good luck writers [Nano-ers]!

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u/flutterguy123 Nov 14 '15

Good luck man!

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Nov 14 '15

Thanks, you too!

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u/flutterguy123 Nov 14 '15

You're Welcome! :)

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u/Wooler1 Nov 24 '15

/u/codexofdreams in Group H for "The Prophet's Blade"

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u/NotAFashionDesigner Nov 27 '15

/u/psycho_alpaca in Group K for Machina

dystopian literature is always appealing and fun to read because you can almost blur reality

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u/SilverPrince Nov 26 '15 edited Nov 27 '15

/u/aromachief in group K for the story "Terres"

I really like this story for its flow and its characters. I will be reading it from the first chapter.

Other close votes were for:

/u/psycho_alpaca "Machina" Good and interesting setting. I was invested with Nova and wanted to see more of her and her story.

/u/Svansig "Slag" I liked the setting and its characters so far. I would definitely read more.

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u/[deleted] Nov 27 '15

Aww, thanks :)

blush

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u/SilverPrince Nov 28 '15

Your welcome!

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u/Xiaeng Nov 26 '15

/u/Khaarus in group A for "Plugged"

I swear, I've seen a set-up involving smart protagonist and computer-program chick somewhere before, but I can't put my finger on it.

The humor was good and the characters were the most memorable from the group A stories. The only complaint I would've had is that I can't really see a long, meaningful story extending. A slice-of-life maybe.

Runner-up was a mix-up between /u/Lexilogical and /u/Replay1986. The Librarian's Code seemed a better "first chapter" to me and Stargazer definitely has something interesting about its plot.

Was definitely a hard pick between the three.

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '15

/u/wannabewriter91

Sorry it's last minute! Hope it's on time,

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u/justmereally Nov 20 '15

I vote for /u/writechriswrite in group G for "The Kingdom is Always in Peril"

I would like to give a s/o to /u/tleisher "Fugue State" that was still a great thrilling read, but the characters in "The Kingdom is Always in Peril" really did it for me.

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u/writechriswrite Nov 20 '15

Thank you, I appreciate you reading and voting for my chapter!

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u/AndJellyfish Nov 14 '15

The Woman Under the Lawn by /u/Iwritewordsformoney (Group K). The others were amazing as well though, I had a tough time deciding!

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u/Iwritewordsformoney Nov 18 '15

Thanks so much!

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u/AndJellyfish Nov 18 '15

You're welcome, it was a great read!

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u/tleisher Nov 14 '15 edited Nov 14 '15

/u/atlantislifeguard for Unsolved Case Files of Walter Brigham from group H.

I'm voting from group g.

Solid story. Really engaging and creepy. A little hard to follow when the face moved, but the premise is great and the writing creeped me out.

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Nov 14 '15

If you could, please edit this post with what group that story is from. Thanks. :)

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u/tleisher Nov 14 '15

Done. Does that work? :) first contest so I wanna make sure I get it right.

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u/RyanKinder Founder / Co-Lead Mod Nov 14 '15

Good work. :)

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

I am in group B, to vote for group C.

And I vote for in group C: Forever Roman - /u/TheWritingSniper

I liked how it got to the point moderately quickly and it had a rather interesting plot.

GOOD LUCK TO YOU SIR/MADAM, AND TO EVERYONE ELSE!

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u/page0rz /r/page0rz Nov 26 '15

Finally had time to read, and I'm going with /u/fringly in Group D with "A Bloody Set of Scales."

Good luck in the next round everyone. Excuse me while I pretend this never happened to me.

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u/[deleted] Nov 27 '15

[deleted]

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u/tleisher Nov 29 '15

Thanks for the vote! I appreciate it! Would love to hear your feedback.

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u/Roedhip Nov 14 '15

/u/Brrrfish in Group I for "Trial of Passage"

I liked quite a few of the fantasy stories, but this one did the best at creating an interesting world while bringing me along.

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u/Aegeus /r/AegeusAuthored Nov 15 '15

/u/Replay1986 in Group A for "Stargazer," for interesting characters and a wonderfully intriguing final line.

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u/TheWritingSniper /r/BlankPagesEmptyMugs Nov 21 '15

/u/quantumfirefly in Group D for "Ghost Stories." You really drew me into the world here and I am very interested to see how the story will turn out. The flow of this was well done, even though I had my doubts about the skipping between voices in a chapter, you nailed it. Nicely done.

Secondly, we have got some talent here on this sub. Everyone in Group D killed it with their first chapters and I am looking forward to seeing the finished product for many of them. Special shoutout to fringly with "Bloody Set of Scales" for a wonderful story as well.

Good luck to everyone! And keep writing, just over a week to go!

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u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Nov 21 '15

My vote goes to /u/Kaycin in group B for "Echoes of Humanity". Out of all of them, I think that I was most interested in further from this story. I think "These Crimson Streets" was a very close (possibly equal) second to it.

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u/Kaycin writingbynick.com Nov 26 '15

Thanks for the vote and taking the time to read my story!

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u/Syraphia /r/Syraphia | Moddess of Images Nov 26 '15

not a problem :) I enjoyed it!

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u/[deleted] Nov 18 '15

/u/lexilogical in group a for the librarians code. That was amazing.

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u/Inocchi Nov 15 '15

/u/SilverEmily 's 1667 for Group E. The narration was just... man, I was blown by it. I love seeing the ways a character sees things or thinks things by word choice and sentence structure/how sentences are divided by punctuation and so and so, and this was just awesome.

I always get attached to characters before plot, and this was great.

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u/[deleted] Nov 21 '15 edited Nov 21 '15

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/[deleted] Nov 21 '15

Thanks for the feedback! Pacing is probably one of my biggest issues. My stories are usually more fast-paced, but too short. I wanted to try writing something longer, and I think I took it too far in the other direction.

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u/thelastdays /r/faintthebelle Nov 14 '15 edited Nov 14 '15

/u/catovadreams in Group D for Earthborn Legacy. I feel like the characters and motives were the most fleshed out, and overall it was the most well written. I also liked that it didn't give a complete outline for the plot by the first chapter, there's an air of mystery driving me to keep reading.

There were several other stories that I would love to keep reading as well. Gunship Rising by /u/Idreamofdragons and A Bloody Set of Scales by /u/fringly set up very interesting, vivid worlds. Great job to both of you.

Hero by /u/originalazrael and Skalas by /u/busykat hold a special place in my mind, as I have a soft spot for children's/YA fantasy, like The Gates or The Graveyard Book. I really enjoyed them.

In addition to Earthborn, I also appreciated Sleeping Abyss by /u/JustLexx. These stories grounded a fantasy narrative in a little bit more reality than the others, which I admire.

Overall, the stories were enjoyable, but I found myself beat down by the overwhelming amount of fantasy/sci-fi. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but the writers have to really distinguish themselves from redundancy when the field of competition is so wide. While on the surface, it can't be told that my story is fantasy, it does progress that direction. Honestly now, I kind of regret it. Regardless, I do think I'll finish it and take the mindset that my next story will depart from the genre.

Good luck to all the competitors!

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

[deleted]

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u/JustLexx Moderator | r/Lexwriteswords Nov 14 '15

Thanks for the mention! Hope you enjoyed.

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u/thelastdays /r/faintthebelle Nov 15 '15

I did! Keep going, I would like to see how these worlds come together.

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u/JustLexx Moderator | r/Lexwriteswords Nov 15 '15

Awesome! I can't wait to expand on this story and post the full thing eventually.

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u/quantumfirefly Nov 24 '15

Late, I know. Barring honorable mention, would you be so good as to offer criticism?

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u/thelastdays /r/faintthebelle Nov 25 '15

I would put your short story in the same category as Bloody Set of Scales and Gunship. It is a very interesting story, and you seem to have a vast world to work in. My only criticisms are subjective. The flow doesn't work really well for me. I'm not sure why, but I get the impression that maybe this was originally a screenplay? Not necessarily a bad thing. Also, it is not as accessible as the other two with its technical jargon (CNSA, carbon nanotubing, Alcubierre drives). It feels more geared towards heavy sci-fi readers. However, your characters and plot device are well thought out. You have the bad luck of being in a very strong group of writers. Keep up the good work though, there are people who would love to see a continuation of this piece. I myself would like to see what you come up with in the future.

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u/quantumfirefly Nov 25 '15

Aw man, you really bring out the warm fuzzy feelings. Very compassionately analyzed, I see someone remembers learning how to criticize in elementary school! Sorry, it was never a screenplay, although I did sort of get a little lazy with the transcript bit. And technicalities have never been my strong suit so I will definitely work on toning that down. I've been extremely aware of the strength of Group D, as well as extremely nervous (busykat, originalazrael, and fringly?? not to mention all the other strong writers), so thanks for the reminder. And again, I really appreciate you taking the time to critique my work. Best of luck!

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u/busykat Nov 14 '15

Thanks for the shout out - I am loving writing for NaNo and I'm so glad you enjoyed Skalas!

To be perfectly honest, I didn't want to write sci-fi at all. I write fantasy because I like to read fantasy, and while I also like sci-fi I am guilty of skimming the actual scientific explanation parts. Now I'm finding myself forced to actually write the explanation, and well, it's tough!

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u/thelastdays /r/faintthebelle Nov 15 '15 edited Nov 15 '15

Yes, it can be. But keep it up, your story has many components that could make it a quality novel. Sometimes the research can be very rewarding (plus you can burn through a wordcount doing lay explanations). I wish you all the best success!

edit: incomplete sentences bug me

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u/originalazrael Not a Copy Nov 14 '15

I'm glad it was enjoyable at least. I was afraid the formatting problem would cause people to just dismiss it.

I wonder if there is any criticism you might be able to give?

Other than that, Thanks for the mention! Good luck in the competition!

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u/thelastdays /r/faintthebelle Nov 14 '15

Not too much criticism. I think it has a very jarring start. Maybe take a paragraph or two to set your scene and main character before they whisk off into the next one. Also, why does she decide he is so safe to follow. You make the statement, but I don't follow that specific train of thought after her uneasiness.

Other than that, I really like your description of Kingsley. He feels somehow real, yet like an imaginary friend. The narrative and tone feels like the love child of Carroll and Dahl, which is quite nice. A very interesting read that I would continue if you keep writing chapters.

I'm more of a reader than a writer. It's just a hobby for me, so I'm not sure how much help I can be. As far as grammar and rules of literature, I'm next to useless. I mostly work in scientific fields, haha. Congrats on making something worthwhile, though.

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u/originalazrael Not a Copy Nov 15 '15

I was going for the whole, "when he gets serious, he is dangerous" look, but I don't think I pulled it off well.

That's what I was going for with Kingsley. Someone mentioned to me in the chatroom that Kingsley makes Emily feel like she's 12 years old, as their chemistry in the first chapter alone between them works well for that. I think I might actually go with that too.

A love child of Carroll and Dahl. I love that sentence. I think I'm going to use that on the cover if I ever finish it and publish it. :P

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u/thelastdays /r/faintthebelle Nov 15 '15

No, I think you pulled it off alright, the juxtaposition of the sentences may have just been a little awkward. Maybe flesh it out some too. Develop Emily's train of thought that leads her from one to the next. That semi-bipolar ability to go from jovial to somewhat menacing is what reminded me of the Carroll/Dahl comparison. Kingsley seems a little Mad Hatter combined with a little Wonka.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

But I only know how to write fantasy/sci-fi! That and dramatic biographies of unicorns, though I guess those fall under fantasy too.

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u/thelastdays /r/faintthebelle Nov 14 '15

It only counts as fantasy if the unicorns aren't real! As far as only writing sci-fi/fantasy, I 'm kinda torn. I think firstly, you have to make sure that you enjoy what you are doing, but I also think it's important to challenge yourself. You'll know when you are ready for something new.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

It's more a thing of setting to me. Most of my stories take place within my established universe (this includes my submission), which is fantasy-based at its core, but allows for a lot of sci-fi. The challenge is to write in these settings while exploring different aspects of life in general. I'm not usually straightforward with the aspects I'm trying to explore though, since I do it with characters, and most characters are often not so straightforward.

It's also easier to write in a setting that's purely made by me because, if I try to write based on the real world, I'd need to do a lot more research for stuff, since I like being as realistic as possible. With sci-fi/fantasy, I can get away without having to do that much research.

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u/thelastdays /r/faintthebelle Nov 14 '15

I get that. For me, it's a plot that my mind has set on and not really a setting, but that's what makes writers interesting. For some it's characters and others may be style, etc. etc. My personal challenge is to write anything fictional, as most of my writing is done as lab reports or field presentations. So this is a pretty big step for me.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

/u/Ryukazo in Group B for "Journey of a Little One"

While this may not be the perfect story, there was a very subtle, unique commentary that ran throughout the story that got my vote.

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u/viceywicey Nov 15 '15 edited Nov 16 '15

/u/apromptresponse in Group C for Bloodwood

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u/[deleted] Nov 16 '15

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u/viceywicey Nov 16 '15

Noted. I guess I meant to say I was in Group B or w/e. Fixed.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

/u/iStuffe in group B for "The minotaur".

I read through them all and this was the one that kept my attention the most and intrigued me enough to have wanted to read on beyond the end.

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u/iStuffe Nov 14 '15

Thanks for the vote, mate!

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u/Cerily Nov 25 '15

/u/Khaarus for Plugged

I choose this story for the best first chapter out of Group A, because it really set the scene and opened up the world. I enjoyed every moment of it, and found the story unique, humorous, and interesting.

I had to spend a long time deciding on which one deserved my vote the most, and in the end Plugged got it. My second choice would have to be Dances With Wolves by /u/WannabeWriter91. Dances With Wolves is actually my favorite out of the group, but I chose Plugged over it because Plugged did a better job as a first chapter.

And what I mean by that is Dances With Wolves was a wonderful, engaging story, but there was too much there for the word count. At times, it really pulled me out of the story with it's use of words I'd never seen before. The pure simplicity of Plugged, on the other hand, kept me focused on it for the whole duration.

So to be clear, Plugged by /u/Khaarus is my first, and Dances With Wolves by /u/WannabeWriter91 is my, albeit close, second.

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u/shal5 /r/shal5sucksatwriting Nov 18 '15 edited Nov 18 '15

/u/Idreamofdragons in Group D for Gunship Rising.

Engaging story, interesting setting, and would like to read a continuation.

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u/Idreamofdragons /u/Idreamofdragons Nov 23 '15

Thanks :)

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u/WannabeWriter91 Nov 27 '15

I'm in Group A voting for a submission from Group B

/u/iStuffe in group B for "The Minotaur". I enjoying the pacing and the flow of the story

I also enjoyed 'Devil's Deal' as well but many of the sentences were too choppy. Also, the author switched between a passive voice and an active voice too often

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u/iStuffe Nov 28 '15

Thanks mate! Glad you enjoyed it :)

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u/busykat Nov 25 '15

/u/droptoprocket for On Becoming in Group E

I've left feedback on the individual posts. Really great stories in this group, but out of them all only On Becoming left me feeling like I desperately need the book. I would buy it and binge read until 2am without a second thought.

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u/[deleted] Nov 15 '15

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u/[deleted] Nov 15 '15

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u/university_deadline Nov 20 '15

/u/originalazrael in group D for Hero.

This was such a hard choice to make, and the formatting errors didn't help, but once I'd actually taken the time to read it properly it was well worth it.

It's a shame I can only cast one vote because this group was super close. For the last few days I've been ping ponging between this, Ghost Stories and Sleeping Abyss. Every other story was amazing but for me it was really down to these three.

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u/quantumfirefly Nov 21 '15

Ermagod, glad someone else considered my chapter! Just so that you know, I'm a pretty big fan of your work :) Glad "Hero" got a vote, it definitely deserved one despite the formatting.

Your pool's votes are turning out interesting. Whoever predicted an 11-way tie in Group D just might have been right.

Anyway. I'm rambling, but if you could take the time to critique my chapter, that would be fantastic. Thanks again for the mention.

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u/thelastdays /r/faintthebelle Nov 21 '15

That one was really up there for me too. I feel bad for a lot of group D, cuz it was a strong one.

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u/[deleted] Nov 20 '15

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u/university_deadline Nov 20 '15

I can go through it again and put comments in-line if you want. It'll take me some time though (getting a few requests for this) but from memory;

It was a very cool world with a really strong intrigue factor. I'd definitely want to know what's coming next.

You do seem fond of 'strong' verbs though. I was left with the impression that characters never just said their words or did things casually. Whenever you used a word like "whisper" or "yelled" in quick succession I was left with the impression I was watching a film where everyone overacts.

Ninja edit; it was still entertaining. Just a shame you had the misfortune of being in a very strong group. Let me know if you want a full perusal and I'll see if I can find the time :D

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u/originalazrael Not a Copy Nov 20 '15

A vote! :')

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Nov 22 '15

/u/fringly in group D for "A Bloody Set of Scales"

This was very close between four stories for me. In no particular order (I actually shuffled them before I started reading):

/u/busykat's "Skalas": I really wanted to vote for this one (and not just because she's a fellow mod). If the second part of the story within the comments was part of the entry, I just may have. Seriously, go read it if you haven't :)

/u/quantumfirefly's "Ghost Stories": This one appealed to my sci-fi side.

/u/catovadreams's "Earthborn Legacy": Very imaginative and the ending changes everything.

"A Bloody Set of Scales" took my vote because of how well the story fit into the environment. Even with all the fantastical elements, the story felt very real to me.

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u/quantumfirefly Nov 24 '15

Thanks for the mention! Criticism is encouraged :)

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u/creativescribbles Nov 14 '15

/u/writechriswrite in Group G for The Kingdom is Always in Peril. I really enjoyed this story and the dialog especially grabbed my attention. I was left wanting to read the next chapter and to see what direction the story was going and the history of the characters. Props to the rest of the writers though, I ended up picking between 3-4 that I thought had vast potential but Kingdom had me wanting the next chapter a bit more than the others.

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u/writechriswrite Nov 16 '15

Thank you! I appreciate the vote, I am working on the rest of it, and positive comments like this are quite reassuring!

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u/LeoDuhVinci /r/leoduhvinci Nov 27 '15

/u/jp_in_nj in Group I for "Out of Time"

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u/jp_in_nj Nov 27 '15

Thanks so much!

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u/OpiWrites /r/OpiWrites Nov 25 '15

Voting on Group H, my vote goes to /u/codexofdreams for "The Prophet's Blade". Very good first chapter that sets up characters and story(including hints of backstory), which drew me in and held me there until the end!

Special mentions to "The Roots of Regalia" by /u/LeuDuhVinci, and "Lazarus Joe" by /u/nazna, which were both very good. However, "The Prophet's Blade" shaded them by just a little in my eyes. Good job to everyone participating, though!

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u/[deleted] Nov 28 '15

"/u/codexofdreams in group H for "The Prophet's Blade."

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u/chrismarshall Nov 14 '15

/u/writechriswrite in group G for "The Kingdom is Always in Peril"

2 others that were really good…

Sigret's Story - (exceptionally well written)

The Great Expedition - (really interesting concept, well written)

good job guys - props to everyone who wrote. none of the stories in the group were bad.. it was close

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u/writechriswrite Nov 16 '15

Thanks for the vote! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

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u/Arch15 /r/thearcherswriting Nov 22 '15

My vote goes to /u/LatissmusDossus in Group B for These Crimson Streets. /u/FireWitch95's Devil's Deal was a close second.

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u/ariseatif Nov 13 '15

/u/tieisher in group G for "Fugue State". Captivating, from start to finish. I love the use of present tense, it makes it gripping. Very well written.

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u/tleisher Nov 14 '15

Thank you for your vote. I'm glad you liked the first person present tense. I was so nervous it wasn't going to play well. I'm a screenwriter, so present tense comes naturally there but in a novel I was worried.

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u/foxykazoo Nov 27 '15

/u/jennsmells in group G for "Ember"

I'd be most likely of all of G to buy this book.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

/u/WritesForDeadPrompts in group E for "Trial Of The Cube".

Certainly the most well written of the group, and it got me wondering what happens next.

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u/WritesForDeadPrompts /r/WritesForDeadPrompts Nov 14 '15

Thank you for your vote. I had been planning it for a while, doing backgrounds for the characters - even ones that get killed off. I enjoyed your story as well.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

You deserved it, and thanks! I didn't get much chance to plan mine, but thankfully the basic idea for it came pretty quickly, so I worked from there.

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u/CadenMortem Nov 15 '15

I'm in Group K voting for Group A.

Some solid entries for sure.

My vote is for /u/Khaarus in Group A for "Plugged."

Good pacing, smooth prose, and I enjoyed the conversation between Thomas and Nene. The dialogue was engaging and felt real.

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u/Beautifulderanged Nov 23 '15

/u/Michaeljaygabriel in group F for "Noir".

I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of the entries from this group, and the decision was quite challenging to make. However, the style of "Noir" tickled my curiosity from the get go, and the descriptions and language had me smiling throughout. Very well written. I'll try and get round to leaving feedback for the others. Well done everybody!

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u/Lexilogical /r/Lexilogical | /r/DCFU Nov 17 '15

I'm voting for /u/LatissmusDossus in group B for These Crimson Streets.

I found this story the most engaging out of all the ones I read. I loved the gritty, street feeling in a high magic world. It was just great, and I wanted more.

If anyone in Group B would like some critique, I'd be more than willing to offer some as well. :) Just let me know.

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u/iStuffe Nov 20 '15

It'd be nice to have some feedback on mine if you have some time :)

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u/Deightine Nov 14 '15

/u/ariseatif in Group F for "Renascentia"

This vote was hard. I had three final contenders that I really would like to see the final outcome of, but Renascentia is the one with the questions I most wanted answered at the end of the day.

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

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u/Writteninsanity Nov 14 '15

Thanks for the compliment!

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u/Olyvar Nov 20 '15

/u/lateanon in group G for "The Reasons of the Heart".

I absolutely loved your style. The flow to the piece was superb, and the imagery was breathtaking - every sentence seemed crafted. ,Though competition seems especially stiff in Group G, I do hope you go on to win the category

A strong second was "The Great Expedition" - loved the concept and world-building, would definitely want to keep on reading!

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u/[deleted] Nov 20 '15 edited Jul 13 '20

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u/Olyvar Nov 20 '15

It was a pleasure to read!

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u/jennsmells Nov 17 '15

/u/codexofdreams group H "The Prophet's Blade" I enjoyed the story and it read well. "Lazarus Joe" was a close second, extremely well done.

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u/Kaycin writingbynick.com Nov 26 '15

/u/Majorparadox in group C for "Space Ride."

Holy damn, there were so many good stories in my group. It was seriously hard to choose just one. It was a tossup between five, but since I can only choose one....

Space Ride got my vote because of it felt tight. I'm not sure how else to describe it. It only introduced few characters and did really well with its word count. It shared just enough to be a carrot on a stick. I felt like I knew enough of the world to want to know more, and the characters felt believable. It felt more fleshed out and easily expanded upon (not that the other stories couldn't be). It was one of the few that I was genuinely upset when it ended. I NEED MORE. I could totally see this story existing in the Riddick universe.

The Gravity Myth by /u/thelastdays was so incredibly close. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS. Where are they?!?! The only reason you didn't take my vote was the characters didn't feel quite as fleshed out. I didn't really care that much about them when the story ended and that didn't feel quite right. I wanted to like them, but there wasn't enough to feel like they were human. That said though...WHERE ARE THEY AND WHO CAPTURED THEM!? Please keep writing this, I would love to read more!

August Snow by /u/page0rz , this story was perhaps the coolest and most unique submissions. Just because I didn't vote for it doesn't mean I didn't love it. It felt a lot like the Dresden Files. I really liked the concept, the whimsical, sarcastic, smarmy nature of the main character. And I love the idea of magic not being Harry Potter-esque in that it exists and no one is freaking out. It's a really fun idea and the characters felt very realistic. I wanted to know more about the relationship between Sara and Ian.

Morgan Porter by /u/emwot was a lot of fun. The casual demeanor of the story was a breath of fresh air, although I think I would have a hard time reading an entire book in that voice. It might serve better to have that same flippant self-deprecation with dialogue and or snippets of character insights. I really liked the ending, and didn't see it coming. Overall, I thought it was a great first chapter and I kept thinking of Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Bloodwoods by /u/APromptResponse . Holy cow. Your description of scenery was beautiful, chilling and absolutely terrifying. You really brought that horrifying place to life. I found myself getting chills as you described the encroaching mist, blood sap, reanimating corpses and the dude's side-ho with black eyes and tittyblood. It definitely has a Game of Thrones vibe. This was a very close second. Like the difference between a 100 and 99. I would absolutely read this book. Seriously, keep writing this. I'd love to keep up with how it goes!

Gah! Why can I only vote for one?! It was a hard choice between those five. The other stories in my group were wonderful as well.

"The World of Black Glass" was perhaps the best written story. The grammar was wonderful, the descriptions were spot on and the story was very coherent. I really, really liked the beginning and the end. It feels like it draws a lot from DnD. /u/jakethesnakebakecake, you are a great writer and this story has a lot of potential. I would recommend taking a step back from the clear ties to DnD. When you describe Mana and spells, it takes me out of the story. It'd be like describing a modern war scene and having the character talk about how their exhaustion meter is running low or how they've run out of sprint. Again, I think your story is great, and has potential. I think the DnD-like terms might alienate readers who aren't familiar with this. Just my 2 cents! I hope you keep writing in this universe, you're writing is an absolute treat. Very poetic with your descriptions and goosebump inducing (especially that ending!!).

"A research team and some mercenaries" had a cool concept regarding a sort of reverse philosopher's stone, where a rock turned everything it touched to coal and a fun battle of wits between a business man and woman.

"The Hero and the Kid" had some great banter between the two characters and an enticing universe involving loads of different races. I kept thinking of Mass Effect as I read it.

"The Man Who Had Nothing to Lose" was a very real story. I think it was the only one in my group that could be grouped as Reality Fiction, for that I really enjoyed it.

"Forever Roman" took a really cool science fiction twist on the immortal man trope. I'd give a kidney to read more of what this guy has seen.

"The Second Revolution" was a fun spin on something like Deus Ex Machina if you added super heroes and a robot Hitler. I wanted to find out what was going to happen! More importantly, I wanted to know what happened in the past. Why had Steel spared Damian!?

If anyone wants feedback, I'd love to give it! Congrats everyone for completing the first chapter to your story!

And for God's sake, keep writing!!!

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u/MajorParadox Mod | DC Fan Universe (r/DCFU) Nov 26 '15

Thanks for the vote! I'm so glad you liked it. I thought I didn't stand a chance and then suddenly two votes in a row!

It felt more fleshed out and easily expanded upon

That's probably because the characters are all part of a story I wrote for last year's novelette contest, which I've been trying to expand upon for NaNoWriMo. I wrote this new first chapter for the contest. I have so much more planned for it, it's frustrating I can't get the words down fast enough. Thanks again!

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u/quantumfirefly Nov 15 '15 edited Nov 23 '15

/u/SilverEmily in Group E for "1667"

This story captures something which, I believe, is incredibly difficult. "1667" takes nothing more than a snapshot of an evening from an individual's life - albeit, a provocative one - and makes it feel alive and more, intriguing. Also, the story has a really distinctive style that I can't quite place, but I'll figure it out. Fantastic job :)

Honorable mention:

"Winter's Descent" by /u/AQuantumPenguin. Totally because your username includes the word 'quantum'. But also, your story definitely came in a close second as my runner-up for Group E. I'm a sucker for survival stories and I really wish I could do what you did with Patrick's climb, stretching out the trek over 3.5 thousand words by adding personality to your setting and characters. Your ending had a subtle grace to it as well and it was easy to imagine Patrick becoming the second of two frozen figures, huddled and staring at the tent entrance as hope dwindled and faded. If you'll allow me a complaint, my main issue would probably have been the fact that "Winter's Descent" read more like a short story than a first chapter - which I'm just now realizing, mine sort of does too. Crap. Well, other than that, great job!

"Trial of the Cube" by /u/WritesForDeadPrompts. Great first chapter, well written and intense with plenty of forward momentum and development of setting and characters. It just came off as a little heavy-handed to me, like a Dickens-esque cliffhanger on steroids. Just as an example, the last line: "The game was not over." The changes how the characters were referred to were also a little hard to follow - name established as Cecil Barnes, addressed as Mr. Barnes, then Cecil, then Mr. Barnes, then Cecil. If you were trying to achieve something subtle then I'm totally wrong and just ignorant, but it just came off as confusing to me. Sorry, just one more: I know that you were working with two male characters, but ambiguous pronouns also detracted slightly from the story.

Everyone else, great work and good luck.

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u/AQuantumPenguin Nov 16 '15

Cheers for the honourable mention and the feedback. I appreciate both.

I see what you mean about the story seeming to wrap up. I didn't think enough about the context of a continuing story when i wrote it.

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u/Dejers Nov 14 '15

/u/writechriswrite in group G for "The Kingdom is Always in Peril"

While it was a hard choice, the humor in this entry really put it in the top for me. I really liked the thoughts and the characters.

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u/chrismarshall Nov 14 '15

i agree - the characters are what pushed it over the top for me

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u/writechriswrite Nov 16 '15

Thank you!

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u/FireWitch95 Nov 13 '15

/u/university_deadline in Group C for "The Second Revolution." You had me hooked from the first word, the character was interesting and captivating. I'd like to give a shout out to /u/APromptResponse because their story was also very captivating, but lost me after a paragraph or so.

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u/[deleted] Nov 13 '15

[deleted]

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u/cmp150 /r/CMP150writes Nov 14 '15

to be fair these stories were up for a while prior the entrance deadline...

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u/originalazrael Not a Copy Nov 14 '15

As did I for my votes. But then, I'm just usually a fast reader.

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u/nlease Nov 17 '15

/u/nazna in group H for "Lazarus Joe." Flows nicely.

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u/nazna Nov 19 '15

Thanks!

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u/fringly /r/fringly Nov 19 '15

/u/Comment_to_Narrative in group E for "Cryo"

This was a whole lot harder than I thought it would be and the quality of the stories was extremely high. Honestly there were several that could have been my choice but Cryo won it for me as I felt it was not only well written, but it really nailed the brief - it was everything you want in a first chapter. There was enough to make me wonder about the wider story, there was action and it left me wanting more. Great story!

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u/[deleted] Nov 14 '15

My vote goes to /u/writesfordeadprompts for Trial of the Cube in group E. This story held my fascination and left me wanting to read more. The main character was interesting and the ending quite unexpected. I'm curious as to how you plan to continue things considering what happened to the antagonist.

Very close second goes to /u/jolvie for The Water Garden. Your story kept me reading through and left me curious to read more.

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u/jolvie Nov 15 '15

Aw thank you! That means a lot! :)

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u/Ryukazo Nov 15 '15

I will go with (I am B, and must vote C) The World of Black Glass! - /u/jakethesnakebakecake!

Reason: I love fantasy story, and he delivers it with a good description, he explain everything clearly. I am like in the middle of it. Just wondering if he can make a fight scene which is very entertaining and makes me feel that I am in it (think you can because you have strong description power :D)

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u/writechriswrite Nov 16 '15 edited Nov 16 '15

/u/Amarantia in Group H for Spare Hearts There were quite a few good ones in this group, but this one drew me in the most.

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u/originalazrael Not a Copy Nov 13 '15

/u/Writesfordeadprompts in group E for "Trial of the cube"

It was a close one between that one and /u/Comment_to_Narrative's "Cryo", but I felt Trial of the cube had a larger emotional spectrum and intrigue.

Still, to both of you, that was indeed really well written, and I did have trouble deciding at first. I suspect the end result will be close. Well done to both of you!

Applause

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u/WritesForDeadPrompts /r/WritesForDeadPrompts Nov 14 '15

Thanks for your vote. When it didn't get any comments or upvotes I wondered if anyone had even read it.

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u/originalazrael Not a Copy Nov 14 '15

I wanted to, but I didn't know what to really say. Especially when you compare your writing to mine.

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u/WritesForDeadPrompts /r/WritesForDeadPrompts Nov 14 '15

I'm not certain what you mean by that last sentence. I just read your story and it had me intrigued from the first paragraph on. I can't wait to see the fully fleshed out and complete story.

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u/Idreamofdragons /u/Idreamofdragons Nov 23 '15 edited Nov 25 '15

I would like to place my vote for "The Collectors" by /u/Beautifulderanged in Group E. You set it up rather wonderfully for the rest of the book, and I am intrigued to read more. Also, the second narrator or whatever you call it was great.

"1667" by /u/SilverEmily was a close second. The way you describe your characters and write their dialogue is excellent. Another one I would definitely continue reading.

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u/AQuantumPenguin Nov 16 '15

/u/Michaeljaygabriel in group F for "Noir".

Splendid opening that establishes a lot about both characters without devolving into clunky exposition. You really get a feel for how shitty each of their lives are. I would certainly read the follow up chapters.

This was a tough decision and two other stories deserve honourable mentions.

/u/takenorinvalid for "The Aschevak Expedition". I liked the report-style story telling and the mystery regarding the cave was certainly enticing. A very close second.

/u/ariseatif for "Renascentia". I loved the way that unnecessary details were stripped away from the scene. You established the world very quickly and without revealing too much. However I found the protagonist a but jarring. I can't pinpoint it but the character just didn't ring true for me. Still, an excellent piece.

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u/flutterguy123 Nov 28 '15 edited Nov 28 '15

/u/TheGlamour in group K for Margot

I am really enjoying the story so far. The characters feel very real and I want to see more of them. Nice to see something isn't fantasy based.

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u/jp_in_nj Nov 20 '15

/u/flutterguy123 in group J for Time.

At first glance, everyone here is going to think I'm nuts, especially if they ready my style-heavy piece. But here's what I wrote in my critique of the piece:

OK, here's the thing. Mechanically, this was the worst written of the chapters I've read so far from this group.

It's also the best story of the chapters I've read so far from this group. Despite all the spelling problems and writing problems, this is only the second one I'd read the next chapter of. The good news is, the mechanics are just a matter of hard work, and you can do that. Keep writing this story, and then come back to do the mechanical stuff.

Things I like: David being an experienced time traveler and having to start over everywhere; NOT having the entire history of David's traveling dumped on me; the way David adapts and the way that the kindness of those who take him in is still fraught with conflict. This is a really, really, really well done chapter, and I wouldn't be surprised if it was my winner.

...and that's why it is, in fact, my winner. Because while the writing itself is a trainwreck, the storytelling absolutely engaged me, and I would gladly have suffered through the writing to read the next chapter to see if the story kept up to the same standard.

Nice job, Flutterguy. Put the work in to fix the mechanics. It's worth it.

Honorable mentions to /u/SilverPrince for Wick and to /u/whatisantilogic for Midnight Oil. Midnight Oil in particular engaged me, but I really detested the main character in that first chapter, and that was enough to tip me over to Time.

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u/flutterguy123 Nov 20 '15

Thank you! :)

I am really sorry about the Grammer and stuff. In addition to me being shit at it I also typed the whole thing on my phone. Which didn't help.

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u/whatisantilogic Nov 20 '15

I appreciate the mention. I really think you would enjoy the character more if you could read more chapters.

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u/jp_in_nj Nov 20 '15

Could be, but it was a first chapter contest :)

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u/emwot Nov 21 '15

Love your reasoning for voting

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u/nypr13 Nov 19 '15

Group B voting for Group C: Morgan Porter

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u/IAmTheRedWizards Nov 21 '15

Voting for Group I, coming from Group H, you know the drill by know I'm sure.

My vote is for /u/jp_in_nj for Out Of Time. First, for having the massive chops to not only dare to write in second person but to pull it off really well. Second, for making me want more of this Springsteen-esque character who seems to be harbouring a love of apocalyptic physics.

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u/jp_in_nj Nov 21 '15

Thanks! Glad you enjoyed it!

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u/atlantislifeguard Nov 14 '15

/u/CarlPeligro group I for High and inside. That was an uncomfortable read, in the best way possible. The frenetic prose reminded me of bits of American psycho. But it's more sad than horrifying

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u/Consta135 Nov 14 '15

That was actually why I didn't vote for it. It was not enjoyable for me to read and really turned me off to it :(

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u/[deleted] Nov 17 '15

/u/Lexilogical in Group A for The Librarian's Code.

I liked this story so much that I went back to read the rest of the parts, and then remembered that I hadn't actually posted my vote yet.

I'm so impressed that the exposition never feels clunky, which is important for a story where the magic has rules. Well-written and interesting. I'll be checking for updates!

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u/harpernightingale Nov 28 '15

/u/CadenMortem in Group K for "Awoken"

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u/JustLexx Moderator | r/Lexwriteswords Nov 14 '15

/u/Comment_to_Narrative in group E for "Cryo." I really liked several of the other entries in this group but this one left me wanting to turn to the next chapter and read more.

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u/ZahraLeb Nov 24 '15

/u/Iwritewordsformoney in Group K for "The Woman Under The Lawn". The story kept me wondering what was hiding in the shed! I would definitely want to continue to chapter 2.

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